Girl's Behavior 
Guy's Behavior 
Flirting 
Dating 
Relationships 
Fashion & Beauty 
Health & Fitness 
Marriage & Weddings 
Shopping & Gifts 
Technology & Internet 
Break Up & Divorce 
Education & Career 
Entertainment & Arts 
Family & Friends 
Food & Beverage 
Hobbies & Leisure 
Other 
Religion & Spirituality 
Society & Politics 
Sports 
Travel 
Trending & News 
I’m in my mid 20s, living with my long term partner. My family loves him. My grandma is 73 and she’s always treated all of us (including my mother, 54) as if we are 10 year olds.
She’s the most wonderful helpful woman I’ve ever met. But she’s extremely nosey, she goes through our things any chance she gets.
Today she was over visiting and I turned my back for 2 minutes and she had somehow unlocked my phone and was reading my boyfriend and I’s texts.
She chased me around my own home trying to spank me for having sex.. Then asked me insanely inappropriate questions regarding birth control, how often we do it, etc
After she calmed down I asked her to stop going through our things and that I didn’t want to hurt her feelings but I was trying to set much needed boundaries with her.
She laughed at me and said “boundaries? Who ever put that in your head?”
As if I was a child spouting nonsense I heard off a movie….
It was all to much for me. I’m not really sure how to deal with it. Any boundaries any family members try to set with her she completely obliterates.
She refuses to accept that anything is wrong with this behavior.
Has anyone else experienced similar situations and know how to deal with them without hurting feelings or burning bridges?
However the boundaries conversation took a different turn, her response was
*laughing* “I’m you’re grandma, not a stranger. I should be allowed to poke through your house every once in a while. And if you have a problem with that then you’re hiding something you’re not supposed to be doing.”
I’m really unsure of how to go about this.
Aside from her and my grandfather, I am the ONLY one in the family who isn’t on drugs and doesn’t have an alcohol problem so I would think she wouldn’t see me as irresponsible as she does
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
Please try to be patient with your grandmother she is old school. At the time when your grandmother was a child or a teenager parent's were super abusive. I am guessing your grandmother had a rough childhood at in the day parents at the time belive that kids should be seen not hurt. I am sure she didn't mean to be rude or a Karen. Times had changed now back in the day when your grandmother was a child it was normal for parents to used violence against their children. Your grandmother believes she is doing the right thing on discipline you. I advice you to try to have a nice calm close conversation with your grandmother. I have a feeling your grandmother's childhood wasn't easy.
Not saying what your grandmother did was right. But let's just try to understand your grandmother maybe she had a rough childhood.
I understand that part of it. She NEVER hit me as a child. I’m more upset about her laughing at me and infantalizing me for trying to set boundaries in my own home as an adult
Set boundaries without telling her. That’s the whole idea. The person violating those boundaries don’t see themselves as doing anything wrong. That’s why she scoffed at you. Therefore, don’t share as much with her. Be very vague. Also, keep your phone in your pocket or purse when she comes over. If all else fails, change your password on your phone.
Also, locks doors and put things away if you have to when she comes over. Sometimes you have to take extreme measures for people to get it.
No, that’s an invasion of privacy. Establish those boundaries again and as it’s his house remind her she’s a guest. Even go so far as limiting her access to the living room and bathroom if she continues to be disrespectful.
Sounds like her grandmother has a way different mindset form what I've read. Sounds like this girls grandmother is old school and believes spanking is a form of discipline. Remember back in the day when her grandmother was a child at the time parents were very abusive and would used violence as a form of punishment. Maybe in her grandmother's mind spanking her granddaughter she is doing a good favor to her. We must understand not al bit must people in their 70s are old school must of them had rough toxic childhoods.
I got spanked as a child but my parents taught me why they spanked when I became an adult and it’s nothing to do with being toxic and violence. A spanking is a last resort when a child is out of control and meant to get their attention. Not meant to discipline for bad behavior. Yes he grandmother likely feels she is protecting her from unwanted pregnancy but shouldn’t be spanking an adult.
Just let her know you are hiding things. And it’s your house so as an adult you should be able to hide her Christmas presents. Then ask if she wants them now or can wait until December.