Are avoidants worth putting effort into & are they happiest?

[Kaamraj]

Okay so first of all avoidants are people with avoidant attachment styles who say verbally that they want affection and love but show otherwise. They are either unavaliable (physically or mentally), difficult to please, and do not validate or acknoledge the other person. It feels like you're constantly walking on egg shells and chasing them.

So do you think it's worth the time and effort to persue them reomantically? - And if they wish to be alone why do they get into relationships? And if they're so happy being alone then do you think that they're the most fortunate as they dont require relationships to be content? I think we should all become avoidants to be happy.

[ephemeralife]

Personally it just sounds like one big mental drain and a whole heap of games... I would rather invest my time into something that flows harmoniously and with reciprocation (from both parties)

Are you crushing on someone who is an avoidant?

[Kaamraj]

Yes ma'am, this girl tells me that I'm the best thing that's happened to her and I motivate her, and I'm the only positive influence in her life. I tell her to avoid drinking (she's an alcoholic), to find a job, to get up in the morning, to eat healthy, and she has body image issues and I helped in that also. But she's only there mentally about 20% of hte time rest of the time she's abscent. Like for the past three days she's completely gone, she's blocked me from everywhere and I dont know why. I am tired of her games and victim hood.

[ephemeralife]

Wow thats some incredible support you gave her, what a gift you are 😊. I can totally understand how heartbreaking it would be for you too. Seems like you two had a deep connection and watching her progression through your support would have been special (for you and her). So, I'm sorry you're going through that pain of separation right now.

I say actions always speak louder than words - so it's likely best not to act on anything, since she has decided to step back by blocking you (in my opinion)

Sometimes it's best to get off at the first train stop when we jump on the wrong train - return tickets can get expensive.

You deserve love and happiness with someone who is ready and sound... I hope you get it 😉

[Kaamraj]

Thank you very much for your support. You know she also took a good amount of my money before she dissapeared. I think it's money for lesson well spent. A lesson that you just can't help people who dont want to help themselves.

[ephemeralife]

You're right, exactly - you can't help people who don't help themselves. Learning things in hindsight is priceless, I'm still sorry she took your money and left... seems like typical behaviour of an addict. You obviously deserve better and now have the opportunity to redefine what you want and need for the next time you meet someone. All the best! 🙂