Did I blow my chances with her by asking her out again too soon?

[Anonymous]

I used to hangout with this girl once a week at most, but as of last week, we started hanging out more one on one. We went to a bar together on Saturday night, went for a 3 mile walk on Sunday, and a concert on Tuesday.

We were planning to go to a movie this weekend. She really wanted to see it in 4D. I looked at showtimes Wednesday morning and the last 4D show was Wednesday night. I screenshot the showtimes and sent it to her asking if she wanted to go. She didn’t respond.

I usually don’t double text women anymore because I’ve been called desperate. I know she’s alive because she’s posted multiple Instagram stories. My best friend wants me to reach out to her again, but I want to let it be and let her call/text if she wants to connect. Should I try reaching out later to check on her or do something else or just let her be?

[ManOnFire]

Leave her be, you're doing the right thing. There's no need to try to follow up with her because she always has in the past with all the other things you guys did. She more than likely saw your message, she just didn't respond.

It could be that she started hanging out with you a lot more as a try-out: maybe she liked the friendship of it but also at the same time she might've been seeing where things would go and if her interest would stay, and then she lost it. Or maybe an ex or a guy she used to have sex with called her up and she got interested again. This is extremely common with both men and women, but definitely with women.

Could even be that maybe she got in her feelings about something you said the last time you guys hung out, and she just didn't want to be honest and tell you she didn't like it or that it was rude or whatever, so she just decided to quit on you. Women do this too.

Regardless of the reason, keep doing what you're doing by staying silent. She always saw your messages and responded to you with other things in the past so this is not any different. She is ignoring you for a reason, so let her have it. She is showing you who she really is. People who care and are really interested will stay consistent.

[HollyK21]

Maybe you should see if you two are on the same page and what both your intentions are. Unless you two have already clarified that you want to date and work towards something, then she may not be looking at things how you are.


I’ve had several men in my life where I thought we were just friends but meanwhile he’d either be developing a crush or had one all along. Then when he reveals his feelings and they’re not reciprocated, I get iced out, called a tease or that I strung him along. Meanwhile I’d be left feeling guilty and confused. Guilty because I knew how it felt to be strung along so I’d never do that to anyone on purpose. And confused because aren’t those things what friends do? Go to bars, catch shows, do hobbies, just hanging out! But they were taking it as building a romantic relationship because of how much we hung out.


So this it’s not to say this is same situation for you, she may very much like you, I’m just saying you should clarify with her if you haven’t already, and shared my story to demonstrate how you could be having the wrong idea and working towards something all on your own. I mean the things you mention just sound friendly, and she may not be responding in a timely fashion because you are just a friend and not someone she’s prioritizing.