Dumped because she doesn't feel loved by me?

[Anonymous]

I got dumped by a nice girl I have dated for 10 months because she said she doesn't feel loved by me. It happened after I went to Europe for 3 weeks. She asked me to check in when I could and also let her know if I needed anything like money or to. let me know when I change countries. I only checked in once and she did send messages but I didn't respond be I was busy running around. She commented that I had time to post on my socials photos and videos and update strangers but I didn't have time to text her or call her or send her photos. When I got back, I could tell she was pissed but trying to be cool about it. She kept asking me to tell me all about my trip but there was so much so I said it is too much to tell. She asked if I brought any souvenirs while away. I did get some cool stuff for myself, and I totally forgot get her something. She is very fancy so I couldn't get her a designer bag or anything like that. She said it was cool and welcome back but then the next day she was very hurt, cried, and said it is best if we don't date anymore because she doesn't feel loved, appreciated, or valued by me. I didn't know what to say except sorry that she feels that way. Any thoughts?

Updates

1 y

I think she wanted me to send her pictures and videos from my smart glasses that she got for my birthday. I'm not going to check in with her like she is my Mom. Is that normal?

[Oliverlogan263]

Dude, that really sucks that your girlfriend broke up with you over feeling unloved. That's a tough situation, and it sounds like there were a few things that led to this.

First off, the whole communication thing during your Europe trip seems like a big part of the problem. I get that you were busy doing your thing and probably didn't want to be constantly texting, but it seems like she really wanted you to stay connected and share your experience with her. The fact that you were posting on social media but not checking in with her probably made her feel pretty neglected.

And then the whole souvenirs thing - that was probably another way she was feeling undervalued. Even though you got cool stuff for yourself, not getting her anything at all when she was excited to hear about your trip must have felt pretty hurtful. Especially since she was trying to be understanding about it.

At the end of the day, it seems like she just needed a little more attention and affection from you, and when she wasn't getting it, she started to feel like you didn't care as much as she did. That's a tough spot to be in for any relationship.

I get why you wouldn't want to be constantly in touch like she's your mom, but in a serious relationship, a little more communication and thoughtfulness can go a long way. It's not unreasonable for her to want you to share your experiences with her or to get her a small souvenir.

The fact that she was willing to give you another chance and talk it out before deciding to end things shows she really cared. She just couldn't shake that feeling of not being valued.

So I'd say it's a bummer, but her reasons for breaking up aren't totally unreasonable. You live and you learn, my dude. Hopefully next time you'll be a little more attentive to your partner's needs, even when you're off doing your own thing. Live and learn, right?

[Anonymous]

I’m not even reading all this. You dodged a bullet. It’s like she’s trying to keep track of you. Find someone else. Find someone who isn’t going to act that way. I’ve been w my girl for 16 years, never had to deal w that shit. She knows I’m busy. She just tells me to be careful, I’ll see you when you get back. Of course I’ll message her but not every minute or everyday either. She’s not your mom. She’s not even your wife. Big difference between wife and girlfriend. Is she as old as you?

[Anonymous]

Reading this, as a woman, if I were in your girlfriend’s shoes I’d be feeling unloved too.
This isn’t about keeping tabs or mothering you. She missed you. That is not mothering, that’s a very normal feeling to have when you’re in a healthy relationship.
Not checking in with her, not calling, not telling her about your trip…Dude, communication and quality time are what makes her feel loved.
You didn’t “forget” to get her a souvenir, you weren’t thinking about her at all. She wanted to know that you were thinking of her, because she was obviously thinking of you while you were gone. Dude…Do you even like her?

[Nikki1989]

Live and learn from it. Everyone expresses love differently, and sometimes, miscommunication or unmet expectations can lead to feelings of neglect.

[Ironic_Method]

Sounds like you weren't putting in the effort into the relationship. I think a few texts and remembering to bring back your SO something is a low bar, which you failed.

[Asker]

Well, yeah, I could have but again I was in different countries and focused on my travels.

[bulleye]

It is not that bad in your case. Be consistent. Let her know how you feel. She might give you a chance.