My daughter just turned 16 and I imagine the topic is going to come up soon. Every woman in her life see it as a good thing. How, as her father, do I express my concerns without coming across as a mysoginistic pig?
“Every woman in her life see it as a good thing. How, as her father, do I express my concerns without coming across as a mysoginistic pig?”
Okay so, 1. You generalized all women so if you say that or come across that way…. Yeahhh 2. You wouldn’t be concerned of coming off a certain way IF you weren’t afraid of your true colors poking its head out and 3. You act like it is the most evil thing a woman could do when in reality it gives her control over her own body & reflects her choice to be a responsible and careful human being.
So, here is the thing: I don't know your daughter specifically however the fact you are clutching your pearls before she even learns about it, knows of its existence, or expresses any interest in it tells me a lot about you more than her.
Birth control prevents a pregnancy which if she is raped or his condom fails or perhaps some other issue, she has control over her body to add extra layer of protection from getting an unwanted pregnancy to occur which is a good thing. Look, you cannot control her life when she is 18+ so she can have sex / will have sex and honestly she won’t even tell you when she did it or how she did it… Be more mature on this topic and don’t let your bias affect her life. You can tell her about STDs, all methods of preventing pregnancy & their effectiveness and about how much being a parent costs so she makes a well educated decision however don’t try to frighten her out of it or whatever because you’ll come across as misogynistic.
*just a small edit, I am not advocating for having sex with birth control and I am also not sh*tting on it / trying to scare people away because everyone has a right to make a choice and whatever choice works for them, good on them. Not choosing to decide is still a choice, if you don’t want sex or to take part in birth control totally up to you as a human being. Bye
It depends a little on what kind of relationship you have with your daughter i. e. the degree of involvement in her life and the character of your normal conversations with her but as an outsider I would say don't be too afraid of her reaction.
Tell her that you are expressing your concerns because you care about her longterm health and that you would like to have an unembarrassing conversation with her about the topic so that you can hear her opinion and she can hear yours again not to control her but because you are worried and care about her.
You could take her to her gynaecologist so that both of you have the chance of getting accurate information about the pros and cons from a professional. After that she might think that the benefits of the pill outweigh the downsides in longterm committed relationships in which sex is a regular occurence (at least in the beginning *ahem*) and that until that is the case alternatives might be a healthier idea. Or you might learn that there are very light weight pills e. g. for women who breastfeed so that you can be more at ease about your daughter's health.
That aside, is misogynistic pig something that your daughter would actually say to you?
You do realize that birth control is used for more than just preventing pregnancy? It is also used to treat a number of forms of woman's cancers, and other medical issues both triggered and relaxed by hormone balances.
A lot of very young woman are put on the pill to help treat acne, help lesson the severity of aggressive monthly menstruations too.
I would suggest as a father that you set an appointment with a woman gynecologist and encourage your daughter to ask questions about female needs and concerns. This way you can participate in the conversation with a professional and receive accurate answers.
First step towards being able to do so is by not being a mysognistic pig. Just tell her that she shall remain a virgin since men will be decreasing her value, so she should stay away from them at all costs until she's ready to have her value decrSed by associating with your kind romantically or sexually.
That she should stay a virgin, until she is ready to become a parent - that unless she's ready and prepared for a child, she should never indulge or enjoy an sexual act. And prepare her towards the risks of ending alone, with a child and with little value because she might end up divorced like her parents.
equating her having value tied to her virginity status is so aged and dumb.
@HelpfulWoman tell that to the mysognistic pig I'm replying to since this is what he believes. Touching his kind makes a woman lose value.
Opinion
20Opinion
The pill isn't viagra, it's not going to turn her into the village bicycle but it will stop her getting pregnant. Like it or not your daughter is going to get ploughed, chances are she already has because girls don't tell their fathers everything. Condoms burst, guys don't pull out, a lot can go wrong and the pill is a good line of defence.
Yes a few women do have issues but billions don't. That's true of any medication, just read the leaflet that comes with a pack of painkillers.
Hormonal birth control has many benefits besides from protection against pregnancy. It can have some annoying side effects and increase your risk for blood clots and certain cancers, but it also reduces your risk for other Cancers. The decision to go on hormonal birth control should only ever be between her and her doctor.
There isn't many great alternatives that are essentially fool proof. Unfortunately new research into non hormonal methods aren't getting the funding they need to move along.
I feel you bro... seems like every doctor tries to prescribe it for everything from zits to heavy flow (periods) and that has fuck all to do with not having babies. They try to prescribe it for everything.
... And then they wonder why people are not having babies. I swear everyone is fucking retarded. ESPECIALLY DOCTORS THAT WENT INTO DEBT TO LEARN HOW TO USE WEBMD JUST LIKE ME!!! (I'm not bullshitting about that. They take down your symptoms and go straight to WebMD and diagnose the problem just like I would in my basement... they're not smarter than the average me.)
Try to break all that down to some woman or a bitch ass dude that thinks the system really works. Impossible feat... that's why I feel your pain.
If you have problems with birth controle that are not based on scientific facts (which would make alternatives ok) you ARE a "mysoginistic pig"!!! Its easy as that. So your real question is: "How do I lie to my daughter and manipulate her instead of letting women decide for themselves?"
Why? Cause I think it's in her best interest to keep her legs closed until she's ready for kids?
That is my intent. To offer her the counter argument for why birth control is not necessarily in her best interest. But like I've stated above... she will be inundated with positives regarding the use of it... and I'd like to formulate an opinion that will serve her best interest.
Also let me tell you one thing. If you want her to be self controled and responsible be a safe-space for her. If you talk to her like you talk here, she may have the counter reaction towards your influence and do exactly the opposite. And than its your fault for talking to her like that.
Well... her mother has not talked to her about it all which is alarming to me. Her aunts are all unhappy divorcees who scream misogyny if I have an opinion. My mother has let all her daughters (22, 23,49) use the pill since 16. All but the oldest are single and the two youngest are... how shall we say... not girlfriend material. But again... toxic masculinity is the problem.
Nothing about any of that has anything to do with the question you were asking. You are not making the best attempt to disprove their claims about misogyny here. Most of your input so far is about specifically having a different opinion, thats not based on facts, to the women who know their stuff, without reason trying to make them look bad and wanting to control your daughter. So if you think its a false claim that you are misogynistic make a better attempt. I dont know much about you and it's too early for me to say something about it. Just stating the facts here.
That's the basis of my dilemma. How do you convey to someone morality and experience? Especially if that person comes from a different perspective. I know I can't control her once she's an adult. But I can share advice and wisdom from the male perspective. But, yeah, I think the guidance she's getting from her female role models is misleading.
But morality and your experience have nothing to do with Birth control and that what the question is about. here is a two sided problem here. Your morality shouldn't have an influence about her decision to stay safe. If you want to convey her morality, then be a good example leading with that morality.
Have all the sex you want... ruin your reputation... ruin your body... ruin your mind frame... just be careful about it. Got it.
@msmissydc
i mean, he's shown strongly in his responses to you that he's just some morality bible basher and is misogynstic.
I do hope the daughter has better male role models than him. Its sad
You know it's women like you two that are gonna make me wear the title of "mysoginistic pig" like a badge of fucking honor... right?
I was happy to help but your premise is allready based on a mysoginistic point of view. I was trying to show you alternatives and factual help but you kept on saying these things without even staying thematic. I tried staying open minded for your poor daugter sake, but you kept on saying these things and I am sad she is lost with you. You ask your question as if you actually seek help but seeing how you ignore the help that doesn't fit into your worldview, you are not seeking help! you are seeking validation from other mysoginists.
I love it XD msmissy here hasn't said anything bad and has been trying to understand and have a meaningful conversation despite you showing you're incapable. But she's wrong now?
Your daughter I hope finds many better role models than yourself. You have failed her with lack of understanding/being intelligent and fixating on YOUR morals rather than educating her and setting her up for success in HER life.
Actually I think you've helped me immensely.
You expressing your concern over birth control and your daughter is natural as a caring Father and not 'misogynistic' in the slightest.
Do a bit more research as there are more than 30 methods of birth control Women can use - I do not include Abortion as I see that as an absolute last resort when something has gone seriously wrong as no method of birth control is 100% with the exception being abstinence. And there my be a few false starts til she find the method that works best for her with the fewest side effects, and I know with you living in the States that cost becomes a major consideration depending on your insurance provider and the State you live in.
If you do have "The Conversation" with you'll have to include "Safe Sex" goes beyond just the method of contraception, but the trustworthiness of partners, STD's/STI's etc.
get her to listen to Brett Cooper, Candace Owens or Isabel Brown or have her watch videos of liberal women melting down and ask her if that's who she wants to be one day or would she rather be happy like conservative women
forget all this "being seen as misogynistic" nonsense
I couldn't care less about "misogyny" labels when it comes to helping the women I care about most in my life
the users telling you there's no side effects are full of shit and couldn't care less about your daughter. they want her to be as miserable as themselves
TBH if she hasn't been taught to make good choices by now, it's just as well that she gets on birth control. Yes, it's not great for her. But better that than risk some unfortunate child to be raised with her as a mother. It doesn't even matter if you can or cannot express your opinion in the way you want or not. It's too little, too late.
So you would rather she get pregnant? If she uses birth control you should be glad that she has sense.
You wouldn't come across as misogynistic. You'd come across as living in a fantasy world.
No... I'd much rather she learn self control and self discipline.
If she is using birth control, then obviously that is not an option. Either that or she is using it for other reasons besides birth control.
She’s getting breed daily it’s what we are for
This is a touchy subject as a dad, I imagine. I had the discussion with my mom. Maybe the best thing you can do is sit down with her and talk about your concerns and why she may want to go on the pill. It’s important not to sound overbearing or like you’re trying to control her sexuality, but more concerned about her physical and mental health to make sure she gets the best option for her. And she should discuss birth control options with her gynecologist
Just give her the scientific evidence and the options/alternatives.
If you moralise, say she can't have sex, or anything else which tries to pull her in the direction of what *you* want, it's only going to pull her away.
Open communication and a sense she can talk to you, is important.
by the way, I'm with you on the pill. I think there's quite a lot of scientific evidence, for that, also. It's not really controversial.
I agree with you I've seen women go blind and even caim to get cancers from using them. Plus have you seen the out of side effects.
I don't really use them and my doctor had put me on them for health reasons for a short while. I think it's something not to be used often.
Unless one is planning on sleeping around wich they shouldn’t there is no reason to take such. The risks on ones health an mental state is not good. The birth control lobby makes billions a year just in the US. There’s a vidoe in YouTube called
Jasmyne Theodora: This is your brain on birth control. (an analysis) vidoe
Sydney Watson: How birth control destroyed a generation of women. Second vidoe
m if she's already 16 and you have no idea how to talk to your OWN daughter
then you already failed as a parent
Just get her the relevant information on the cons of BC. These people trying to indoctrinate young women into this cult rely on not giving them information. Give her a more complete set of information so that she can make a more educated decision. I presume that you and your wife can't provide a united front on this issue? If so that sucks and will make it more difficult, but the solution is still the same.
Ex wife. And at this point... if being vilified means I keep my daughter's integrity in tact... so be it. I'm witnessing the ramifications of a godless society and it's appalling.
@ladsin2
good advice, but this man isn't after anything factual or useful. He just wants to preach his morality standards and that doesn't mean he or his daughter have integrity.
The fact he can't grasp that even if he wants to preach "keep your legs shut", he SHOULD also teach her about birth control, their effects and uses, and how to access them.
His ignorance is even worse than his misogyny and it is FUCKING STRONG.
@HelpfulWoman You should try to teach your children morality. I may think people should be allowed to do hard drugs if they want, but I certainly won't teach my children how to mix up a batch of meth in the tub. Virtu is a valuable thing to teach particularly young women, but he's not going to win with his daughter by going at direct odds with the women around her. Tell her your beliefs, but show her the research around BC as that's more likely to stick with her. If your family was tight-knit and you could provide a solid foundation that would be better, but in lieu of that go with facts.
@ladsin2 I'd like to share a link, but the site "doesn't like the content"
It's oppression man!
Your opinion vs her rights even tho she is 16 y/o you can stop her until she is 18 y/o but in the interim, you might have two grandchildren. That being said how about sitting down with her and talking about the other forms of birth control or are you against all forms of birth control except the rhythm method?
Which I have done. The dilemma I'm facing is that the majority of women in her life have just opted for the pill. I'm not against birth control so long as it doesn't alter her biology. Though, the conversation of promiscuity is raised.
Having 5 girls in the family can pose a problem Like anything when dealing with children you can preach explain and then hope what you said counts for something.. mom used to tell them as they left on dates to keep your legs closed and we hoped our talks registered, human nature will take its course I know that is not what you want to hear., but treat them as adults, not a child. Treating them or talking to them as a child usually makes the opposite of what you want. lots of luck
I think I would have a couple questions for you first like, what are your concerns exactly? Have you spoken to a medical professional about the risks and the realities of a woman taking birth control? Are you just concerned about the pill and nothing else and are fine with alternatives? There is a lot to unpack before "the internet" can decide if you are coming off as a misogynistic pig.
Your best luck is probably to just inform her what the risks are and then expose her to some stories of women who have had issues with it. I had a girlfriend who it screwed up pretty good. Her moods and behaviors were all over the place to the point where it affected all of her life until she stopped. She worked in medical too.
the best we can do is share with them the information/consequences and be there to support them (help them get on track) if they make the wrong choice.
After reading the below comments: it sounds like you might have better luck just convincing her to avoid sex altogether.
That is all misinformation spread by far right and religious groups. Hormonal birth control has been around for decades and has been proven safe and effective. You should accompany your daughter to a doctors visit and they can help alleviate any concerns.
You will likely not be able to control your teen’s sexual activity, I think it’s best to give them the tools and education to protect themselves.
I have a daughter. She's older now, but when she was younger, we talked about relationships, how important they are. We also talked about birth control, but it was a secondary discussion, emphasizing the importance of relationships.
Last night we had a conversation about perspective and how to determine if someone's criticism should be accepted or rejected. She's a smart kid and quickly established that trust is the determining factor. I hope she sees I've got her interest at heart, even though it may feel like I'm against her.
what is wrong with the pill?
if a woman do regular checkups all is under control...
Why do you have concerns over it is the most important think to ask here.
Yes many speak of the theories and research of birth control pills and how it affects womens bodies, however birth control pill does the job and many women are fine however perhaps you can suggest an iud to her. Sir with all do respect there is a chance that few guys are going to cum in her many won't get her a morning after pill.
And if your concern is religion, if you a religious man, try to discourage pre marital sex.
You are right to be worried, I think you should talk to her about this issue, I hope she is not having sex, I do not think it is right to have sex until marriage.
You can't. And you shouldn't. It's not for you to have opinions on. It's between your daughter and her health care provider.
Based on your replies you clearly are a misogynistic pig, but thankfully you're also a troll who doesn't have a daughter, so nobody has to deal with this nonsense in real life.
Maybe you can tell them that it’s an unnecessary risk to her health.
It's likely a better conversation for her and her doctor to have!
A misogynistic pig would strongly encourage the use of birth control, as it benefits them greatly. re-state//background_color_rgba (0, 0, 0, 0), font_color_rgb (77, 77, 77), justifyLeft
I think you first need to be clear about what your issues are. Then you need to pick the ones you think will be most persuasive and focus on those.
So what are your issues with birth control? List them out.
Wow--some of the responses on here are insane! They're written as though there are no risks/downsides to a pharma product and somehow any discussion of that makes you a misogynist somehow? WTF?
Why? What's wrong with it? At most, it'll make her tits a little bigger.
Tough one but is the alternative of a teen mother better?
Hormonal birth control is Satan spawn. This shit changes women's personalities and can make then even more insufferable.
Birth control is fine man. I don't know why you have a problem with it.
Irrelevant to the question, but don't call yourself a misogynistic pig.
But he is one XD
whats the problem? if she's having sex its better she's on the pill than get pregnant, no?
What is wrong with birth control?
Which part? Not needing it or altering hormones?
Do you want to be a grandfather in 9 months?
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