Why do a lot of women love to make life hard for themselves?

[Puppystarfish23]

I don't want to sound like a pick me but I just don't understand woman around my age and why they make such stupid life decisions.

I know this girl right and she was dating this really nice guy, from a good family and he really loved her and cared about her and she dumped him because of her mental health knowing he probably would have supported her though it and she soon gets with this other guy who is 15 years older then her and recently lost his job for doing coke at work.

She soon realises this guy is extremely abusive so even though she has extremely wealthy parents paying for her to live in a 5 star hotel whilst they build there dream house she makes the decisions to move in with her abusive, coke addict, unemployed, abusive 34 year old boyfriend..

Now she's pregnant at 21 and her parents have cut her off and her lovely coke addict boyfriend has threatened to kill her if she gets rid of the baby.

I feel bad for her as a lot of people in her life have let her down but she had everything going for her before she was even British no 1 champion in her chosen sport or something like that and barely graduated from uni but at least she had a degree to her name and she managed to fuck up her life that bad. She was abit of a mean girl too and has managed to lose all her friends. She'd just be deliberately mean or rude for no reason to people who'd been kind to her including myself.

Unfortunately I've noticed this In a lot of women who will have everything going great for them but just want to go on and ruin there life's for what? I just can't wrap my head around it why do they ignore massive red flags. Why go play with fire then act shocked when you get burnt.

As for myself I always thought I wasn't very bright growing up so needed to be smart in my life decisions and I really don't regret it. People call me privileged and think I have the prefect life but everything I got I got off my own back and good life decisions.

Updates

1 y

Im 26, have my own house with my husband who's a head gardener at luxury hotel and earns a very good wage and I have a full time job myself. When i was looking for a man I didn't think I wanted a fuck boy whose gonna treat me like shit. I thought I'd look for a guy whose hard working and kind whilst I'm still young and pretty instead of fucking around with some loser. Then my life will be happy but that's called being privileged even though the girl I'm talking about is richer and prettier

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

You are incredibly privileged and this is clouding your compassion.

Your friend is in an abusive relationship, something you don’t seem to understand well. An abuser never begins the relationship by being abusive, they don’t introduce themselves by snorting a line and smacking the girl they want across the face. They start by being kind, sweet, ideal partners, they make her believe he’s exactly what she wants, he just has a few boundaries because he’s been hurt in the past like she shouldn’t take phone calls from other people at dinner, which escalates to no phone calls from other men, which escalates to deleting all male-named contacts from her phone, including her own family.
It’s like trying to boil a frog, you can’t drop them in a boiling pot as they’ll immediate jump out. But if you put them in a cold pot and let them relax then start to turn up the heat, the frog will remain and allow itself to be boiled alive because it doesn’t know any better. Your friend has been manipulated and isolated, her abuser has likely convinced her he’s the only person that loves her which is why she’s become so dependent on him. She is not in a place psychologically to recognize her actions are actively harming her and the fact that she’s having his baby is his way to cement his control over her. She won’t leave a child to the mercy of a man who has none, and he knows that. Your friend is a victim, manipulated into this situation, not someone to be judged for decisions she didn’t make.

[Puppystarfish23]

Maybe this is my own fault for not giving more details but she knew he did coke and did coke with him before they got together. He got fired from coming into work off his face after a night out with her and another guy who was in relationship whom she was actually going after before she decided to get with this guy.

One of his exs who works in the canteen warn her about him too before she got with hi
I do not come from a place of privilege.
It's not my fault I chose to see past superficial things. If he wasn't handsome she wouldn't have gave him a second look and she'd see him for the loser he really is.

[Puppystarfish23]

I do generally feel for thus girl as she's got herself in a real mess and maybe I'm privileged in the fact I have a good family because I think her parents did a terrible job and that's why she's in the mess she's in now.

But she's no angle that's for sure

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Yes, I’m glad that we agree that your privilege is clouding your judgement as it seems like you believe her knowledge of this man would somehow negate his attempts at manipulating her if even you agree she doesn’t have the background to subconsciously know better.

[Puppystarfish23]

Besides having a good family who worked there arses off whilst raising me as well I don't see how I'm privileged.

I was never considered pretty by boys growing up and was bullied a lot and struggled with a lot of learning disabilities but i worked really hard to over come them and have a normal life. maybe that's why I've always chosen the good men because I've had so many men be mean to me I know which ones to trust.

[Puppystarfish23]

I never agreed to being privileged. If it came against me and her on levels of privilege she'd win. Her dad's a airline pilot, my dad is a painter and decorator. I

grew up in tiny house and shared a room with my sister till I was 19, she lives on a house with a field on the back were they grow veg and have lots of animals and she's a lonely child. Her parents paid for her to go uni which she never attended and was almost threatened out for her attendance and still managed to get her degree. She only works part time whilst she runs a crystal business. I was told at 18 that my family couldn't afford to keep me in school anymore and that I needed to get a job and I've worked full time since.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

“…Maybe I’m privileged in the fact that I have a good family…” you did agree to being privileged. Having a healthy family dynamic where others might not is a privilege.

[beefcakebradybatson]

Shun handsome Bradys such as I for flaccid, fugly Bubbas, Billy Bobs and Billy Joes !!!

[Puppystarfish23]

I have no idea what your saying

[beefcakebradybatson]

Refuse to date handsome black men and chooses fugly, impotent white boys !!!

[Puppystarfish23]

I like black guys but I married a white men

[Puppystarfish23]

I'm like all races

[beefcakebradybatson]

OK with that, Puppystarfish23.

[beefcakebradybatson]

You married a white MAN not a white MEN. Is your hubby handsome?

[Puppystarfish23]

I wouldn't have married him if I didn't see him as handsome

[beefcakebradybatson]

OK, Puppystarfish. Sorry I misspelled your username originally.

[Graptemys79]

You mentioned her mental health. Could that be influencing her decisions?

[Puppystarfish23]

That's the only thing I can consider but as nasty as thus may sound I don't think she has mental health issues and just uses that as excuse for being a shitty person herself as many girls around my age love to do as well

[Puppystarfish23]

I personally think she's been spoilt her whole life and thought mummy and daddy would bail her out at every turn. She's been arrested multiple times in the past and her mum and dad bailed her out

[Puppystarfish23]

She's not the only woman I know like this. I have one friend though who thought she'd bagged a good man as we all did and he cheated on her and now she has a lot of mental health issues because of it but she was smart and left him and took the kids with her too.

[Puppystarfish23]

I don't get these women who after a man shows them who he really is still stick around because if the shoe was on the other foot the for sure wouldn't

[Graptemys79]

Mental health issues aren't always mental illnesses.

[NathanDavis]

because they don't like things easy?