Girls, Why is my coworker giving me so many mixed signals?

[LandOfConfusion]

I have an older coworker who I really like but I'm not sure how to figure her out. She's pretty shy and awkward, but she can be night and day on me depending on the day. She likes to linger at where I work, taking her time before leaving, as if she wants me to stop her and talk to her. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't just to see what happens. This is mostly because I want her to initiate conversation too. Either way I'm always friendly with her. I've caught her staring at me or even peeking at me before. But at the same time she will rarely ever wave at me or say hi unless I do so first. She basically acts like she doesn't see me. And sometimes when I'm trying to be cordial she'll give dry responses as if she's just not interested. But.. sometimes when I deliberately mind my business and reciprocate, she'll try to spark up conversation with me. To my knowledge she's only this way with me. She's either fairly chatty with some coworkers or completely dry and distant with others. I can understand her acting like this at first since we didn't have a relationship, but she still acts like this after we've built up a rapport. She clearly wants to talk to me, but then she'll It's definitely hard to hide my interest in her and I would be shocked if she didn't know, but I never go as far as flirting, because I don't know where she is yet. Can someone elucidate why she may act this way with me and honestly only me (to my knowledge)?

[_Maya_]

It shouldn't matter. Here is why. You should never date a coworker. I will tell you the same thing I tell people (usually daily here) that ask about liking a coworker or a coworker liking them. It is the worst idea ever. Here is why. It is already awkward between you two and you are just coworkers. Imagine how awkward it will be three months of dating and your first big fight for example. Typically people need space after a fight. Where are you going to get that when you are required to face each other at work? What's worse is it is a breakup and a bad one. Are you going to be able to work with her and get along if say she cheats on you? You can see the myriad of potential issues. So do yourself a favor and do what you are being paid to do and not treat work like a social club. In the end it shouldn't matter what her behavior means

[LandOfConfusion]

I'm already in the process of looking for new jobs in the city which is why I'm entertaining it to begin with. Also, we work in different departments. We hypothetically could go forever without ever seeing each other and it wouldn't hinder work at all. So with that in mind, could you offer some advice on her behavior.

[Anonymous]

I'm kind of shy and awkward at times and this sounds like what I do with the guy at work I'm into, so maybe she likes you. If you like her you should give a couple of hints (you don't have to be too obvious to start with but be more obvious than you're being at the moment). Things might start to progress then if she likes you.

Some people will tell you not to date coworkers but loads of people meet their partners at work and I don't think it's an issue if you're both mature adults and don't let it influence your ability to act professionally in the workplace

[LandOfConfusion]

Do you do this because you’re trying to get the guy to be more forceful or because you’re too shy to be straightforward?

[Opinion Owner]

I do it because I don't know how he feels about me as he doesn't show any signs of liking me more than an acquaintance. So although I feel like I initiate with him quite a bit, I feel shy/nervous sometimes and hold back when he seems more distant as I don't want to overdo it if he doesn't seem like he's interested in talking to me

[Abbycado]

I don’t think they are mixed signals. Just sounds like the way she is. I agree with the other poster so far. Don’t date people you work with.

[LandOfConfusion]

What do you mean though? Being super social and clearly interested one day and then distant, cold and uninterested the next day isn't mixed signals to you?

[Abbycado]

Yeah, they aren’t. Some people are just hot and cold day to day.

[LandOfConfusion]

She's only hot and cold with me though. That's kinda my point and why I specifically highlighted that...

[Abbycado]

And she could be like that as a person in general. You clearly don’t want real opinions and only want to hear what you want to be true.

Main thing is what myself and the other girl said. Don’t date people you work with.

[LandOfConfusion]

Neither of your opinions are relevant to the question lol. It's one thing to be a hot and cold person in general, but another to be specifically this way to just one person for no discernable reason. Leads me to believe you didn't even really read the question. I asked for a perspective on this question, not whether I should date coworkers.

[Nikki1989]

What mixed signals?

All these coworker posts were amusing at one point, now they are just a total annoyance.

[twilightgirlie]

what sort of work do you do? probably doesn't matter but i wonder if she makes a proper effort to go near you or if its purely coincidence.