A female co-worker is giving me mixed signals. What the Hell is going on?

[nobabyi]

One night a few months ago I get a text out of the blue from a co-worker that had been flirty with me at work for weeks. The text asked me to go with her and some of her friends for box seats at a pro game. I accepted.

I picked her up at work, we had a good time, and we had a really cute picture that posted to Facebook that some other co-workers also noticed. When I dropped her off at her car, she said she had a great time and let' do it again.

After that, I gave it some time and prodded her interest in going out again. I asked her out 3 times over the course of the next 2 months, being careful each time to make it clear I'd like to see her again but yet not to make a co-worker uncomfy. Each time was rejected because she had plans. However, she never offered a day she would be available, which I know is not good.

I know she has had dates over the course of this time. She doesn't share those stories with me (anymore) but she does tell another female co-worker and since no one at any job can keep a secret that's how I know she was going on bad dates. Despite her rejections, unavailability (for me), and the fact that she's going on unsuccessful dates when she's close to 30, she sends me IM's at work and constantly comes to my cubicle to talk to me. I rarely go to her to talk at her cubicle but it's almost like we ARE dating based on the conversations we have: Travel, our common lifestyles, food, past relationships, wants in future relationships, etc.

She recently started texting me. It's not often, but is increasing in frequency and seemingly right before she goes to bed. She'll send meme's that are cute and appropriate to our cubicle flirting and we usually laugh and discuss them the next day.

I know she wants me to chase, but does she want to be caught by me? Is she ONLY using me to boost her ego? I've been rejected by other women and when they say no they don't keep flirting. In fact they completely ignore me so what's up with this girl?

Updates

+1 y

Forgot to mention: We constantly cook each other food at work, usually stuff we like personally and want the other to try.

[drowningcreek]

She's either into you and unsure of her emotions just yet or level 999 friend zoning you. Maybe she is just used to jerks who just want to sleep with her and it's refreshing for her to be around a guy and be comfortable. It's always best to start out as friends and get to know each other anyway, that way once things take off it's more meaningful. Enjoy her company for now. I would say in a few weeks ask her out again, and work around her schedule. That way you know whether or not she truly wants to hang outside of work or not. The whole date in the beginning could have been because she just thought you were a nice guy which could mean she could have or could not have had feelings. It seems like she is confused, that or she just sees you as an amazing friend. It's important for you to confront her about her feelings, but I'd say hold off for a few weeks. You don't want to rush her. Spend some time getting to know each other at work and then in a little while ask her out one more time so you can get a clear answer. When you do ask her if she likes you, don't go after her all bedroom eyes, that'll freak her out and make things weird. Just say you noticed she spends a lot of time around you and you want her to clarify her feelings. Say you don't know how you feel quite yet but you love being around her and you could possibly see a future, that way if she says no she won't be intimidated to go to work, trust me that's the worst feeling for a girl!

[latjim]

It sounds like she wanted to go out with you at first and she enjoyed it, but she also wanted to date other people...you say she had bad dates, it could be a possibility that after all those bad dates she realized that it would be better going out with you again

[misscocobutter]

I had a guy do this to me, sadly he was playing with me, leading me on and boosting his ego. Tread carefully, she knows you like her. I think you should pull some game what have you got to lose?

[man32]

Jus now experienced co-worker chase and failed. Pls answer me the questions
1) does she comes to cafeteria when you come by for breakfast or lunch?
2) does she goes to lunch once u return from lunch? Like you come back by 2pm. She goes by 2:15pm
3) does she speak to you alone near elevator waiting area?
4) does she call your phone number within the same building to spk instead of meeting u in person
5) does she accept only group hangouts and says thanks to u through office communicator instead of telling i person?
6) does she avoid asking helps from u?
7) does she turn her back when she see u or face u and spk?
8) does she changed her lunch timings in order to avoid seeing u?
Pls let me knw i will tell u further more. Cause my story also started with a super outing before everything derailed. So i can help u bit more. If u want privacy. Mesaage me to my inbox am all ears to help u.

[nobabyi]

We don't have a cafeteria. We have a full kitchen like you would at a house so all the food we share is either frozen to hot, leftovers, snacks, or homemade. We take separate lunches but only b/c we have to. We don't have elevators but she leans on my cubicle short walls to talk to me, or comes right into my cubicle to talk to me. She asks for help for technical stuff at work and even personal stuff, like a car she wants to buy and even what I think of her outfit, although that's rare. I've even accompanied her to get her tire fixed so she didn't get ripped off. She doesn't ever avoid me. It's like she's my work wife lol

[man32]

good to know... i would say that Facebook pic posted was the turning point... u lay off cool a while. i believe her gossip buddies might have asked soething which she felt awkward.. did u every shown that u like her more than a friend... if not pls do it immediately

[nobabyi]

We went through a week or 2 long period of not talking as much. It was like the flirting was going to stop. But today it has become more frequent, longer, and personal. I'm even starting to get a few more weekend text messages. So that's been refreshing. I'll keep playin' it cool like so many of you have suggested and I'll keep the group posted. Thanks so much, folks

[Erwin]

I think she's trying to be more careful because you are a co-worker (you know sometimes office romance can be bad). In any case there's no point thinking over it. You've asked her three times and she was always unavailable, there's nothing wrong with trying again. It's not like she stopped talking/flirting with you after she refused your invitation, did she? Some women do like to test their man and see if he can persist.

If you have a lot of things in common, ask her out on activities that you can both enjoy. The key is to make a definitive plan instead of asking "would you like to go out again sometime?" and if she said she had plans, don't falter and ask when she'll be available. IN CASE she rejects you, just act like it's cool and talk as usual. If you let it be shown that her rejection shakes you, it's gonna make things awkward and she'll stop talking/flirting with you.

[X_mil]

Sounds to me she was right there with you, until the fb picture, which you said other co-workers saw, and she may have been getting positive or negative attention about and because you are co-workers she wants to keep
It flirtatious, go for it but make
It discreet because if the work connection. If it works out in the long term then work won't be a issue

[apropos]

It sounds like she may just be flirting with you.

Does flirting with you make her job easier by any chance?

[nobabyi]

No. In fact, it would make it harder.

[apropos]

Yeah, that's confusing.

Maybe she really was just genuinely busy those other times?

I have a policy against dating coworkers though (too much drama).

[nobabyi]

She definitely was legit busy but not suggesting another date she was available was a negative sign to me. Something else I forgot to mention was that we constantly give each other food, usually stuff we like and want the other to try. I normally wouldn't want to date a co-worker either but this one w/b worth it. Just some confusing mixed signals. Thanks Mate

[dudeinohio]

see this: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2356329-dating-co-workers-is-bad-did-you-realize-the-consequences