This coworker I feel like is giving me mixed signals?

[Anonymous]

One day it feels like he wants to converse and talk the next day it’s like I’m totally ignored, usually he is good at greeting me almost every morning but with talking it’s like he has his moments or feels like some times he don’t even notice me, I like when people are the same pretty much all the time ( now I know there are days when you have a bad day or what not) but if it’s something like I’ve described than how can I deal with a person like that what do you think I should do and how I should react this this situation should I completely ignore him unless he greets me and just move on with my life or what?

[HollyK21]

Yes, move on with your life and do what you’re paid to do — work. You’re not there to make friends and all that, it’s just something that either happens or it doesn’t. You don’t need to understand him, hell you hardly even know him aside from some greetings and casual exchanges. “I like when people are the same” — respectfully it’s not his responsibility to abide by what you do or don’t like, and you don’t have to make a thing out of him not having the exact same energy all the time. Unless he’s creating a hostile work environment or otherwise making your shifts purposefully uncomfortable, then just focus on yourself, and don’t deal with him any more than you have to.

[Asker]

Thank you hun

[Asker]

Also just one time way back earlier he mentioned how I talk only when it comes to work.

[HollyK21]

No problem, I’ve had to give myself the same reality check in the past. Mainly because it’s so easy to get caught up in how a coworker is acting, it starts getting under your skin and I don’t want to take that home with me when I get off work. Whatever’s happening in their (or his in your situation) personal lives shouldn’t affect how they treat people at work. Or if it’s a personal issue then they should either address it with me so we can resolve the issue or take it to the higher ups if it’s something they dont want to be direct about. But it’s not your job to figure it out, or to tiptoe around whatever mood they’re in. You’re at work, most likely neither of you care to be there but we all need to make our money at the end of the day. Over time I’ve learned to compartmentalize when it comes to work and just focus on what I’m there to do. My real like take place before and after I clock out, as do the relationships with people that actually matter. This guy doesn’t matter, so don’t let him feel like he does.

[HollyK21]

**my real life

[Asker]

Yeaaa he just been showing me some attention and the day before commenting how well
I do my job tbh an next day he was very avoidant and as if I’m not there even tho he was going to my area many times dropping off items and not even a hi, yet he complained way back that I don’t talk to him only when it comes to work so I just don’t understand this man yet the next day he even seemed like he was having an attitude with me when it came to work related things

[Asker]

The same day where he was avoiding at the same time he was as if showing an attitude

[HollyK21]

That comment he made is stupid lol because yes, you’re at work so obviously you’re just going to talk to him about what? Right, work. I’ve learned over the years that guys don’t really put in effort to build friendships, and the excess attention they give you is usually with ulterior motives, like flirting or whatever else. It seems as though at the time he made that comment he was interested in connecting in a different way, and since you weren’t opening that door he just decided to be passive and cold.

To me, that’s just silly and rude, yet on this website alone I’ve seen so many men have that mentality of punishing a coworker woman with silent treatment or cold shoulder since she isn’t doing what he wants. It’s childish and shows they’ve completely lost the plot — you’re there to work. Work is very convenient for meeting new potential matches as you get older because you most likely grow out of environments where you’d meet women/men (like clubs and bars), and work is your main source of being social. But for the most part it’s best not to shit where you eat or pursue someone at work unless you’re leaving that job (or vice versa). So if I were you I’d just ignore him unless you’re have to be direct due to work. He needs to grow up, plain and simple.

[Asker]

Truee I don't know this guys true intentions but I agree with what you said, he do get a long with many people tho woman and man so part of it is his personality bc he talks even amount to woman as much as he may to man but maybe he felt like he only talked to me work related and that’s how it really should be but we do work at a place where you see each other for 10 hours a day and maybe he just wanted to come off as a friendly coworker so I don't know but yea

[HollyK21]

I think he’s either got things going on at home, or he isn’t really happy at that job anymore. He’s not very good at compartmentalizing, and makes his moods everyone else’s fault. Personally I don’t have time for that shit, and you shouldn’t either. It’s just too much drama and you’re not there to understand whatever he’s dealing with. It’s not fair to make his mood everyone else’s problem.

[Asker]

Yeahh I don't know

[fantasticass]

Don't date anyone from work!! .. move on and forget about the player's. He probably just wants to fukk you, nothing else. Thats why his behavior is all over the map

[Asker]

Idlkk

[Asker]

U think his behavior is everywhere?

[ohsheeT]

One of the worst things in life is when you have a friend that is hot and cold

To much for me to deal with it kinda distance myself

It's like there not happy so they want you to be in the same mood

I dont have time for that

So me being me. When I've had enough I will say something like

Hey so how long the doctor say you were going to act this way

Life is way to short

[ohsheeT]

And to be honest
I mean I can't tell what to do. But the last thing you need is to even let this guy in a little bit. Because this is how get started because he's 1 way 1 day. One way the next day and if you were to date him when you guys would be getting fired , probably within the first month

[Pyrofox]

Could just be genuinely trying to respect you if you seem hyper focused on something. As to the inconsistent chatting could simply not know when a good time is to intervene. A lot of guys are good at simply vibing. And the last thing a man genuinely needs is a girl/woman going off for misreading the room. The time and place for guys to just invade a girls or womans space has LONG passed. Most guys have simply given up on the old song and dance.

As to if you want a serious answer to is this flirting and is he actually interested. Just straight up ask how he's feels about it. And don't be offended if he's very monotoned and brutally honest. A lot of guys as of 26' have sort of accepted the reality that dating. Just isn't something thats considered an option. As relationships themselves are crazy expensive. And thats on top of just trying to survive day to day.

[Anonymous]

Make a move. He might be uncomfortable doing it at work.

[Asker]

Wym make a move?

[Opinion Owner]

Give him your number.

[Asker]

No I don't know what’s his problem

[Opinion Owner]

He might have a crush, and you make him very nervous.

[Asker]

No the day before he was all nice complimenting me the next day after he was raising his voice at me I don’t understand him

[queenofcardio]

Ohh thats annoying. I wouldn't talk to him unless he talked to me first

[Asker]

Righttt I’m not even trying anymore bye amigo

[In_Trance]

Get back to work before you get written up for time theft. It's a job not a singles club