Why do so many people assume a woman is lying about being SA’ed?

[Anonymous]

[lil_will_12]

It should never be assumed. But the fact is that unfortunately, women can and have lied about SA and won in courts, only to be found out they lied years later. I hate any SA’er, but the problem is with these kinds of cases, is you have to be slow and careful during the case and trial. I personally think spoken testimony is not quite enough to know for sure. If we live in a world where a woman can just say i SA’ed her when i didn't, and she just wins bc they favor her opinion in court, id say we have a bad justice system. There should be other factors considered as well. SA is sadly not as simple as other cases☹️

[Asker]

It’s hard to prove that something wasn't consensual — it’s all he-said/she-said most of the time. However, as a woman who was SA’ed I can honestly say women have no benefit in coming forward to the police at all. They ask brutal questions (why didn’t you run away? Are you sure you were raped or was he just a douche bag?) and make you give away your belongings to the rape kit that were there. I lost my favorite dress ever to the kit. On top of that I had an ER visit where they tested me for STDs and put me on a ton of meds. And stuck that tool up my V in order to get sampling.
My point is if women want to “lie” it doesn’t make sense to. There is absolutely no benefit to.

[Asker]

Also my rapist is a father to a daughter now and married. It’s fucking sick this is the world we live in.

[Asker]

He was never held accountable.
In cases of spoken testimony that’s why multiple (credible) women need to typically come forward in order for some traction to take place legally or criminally for the rapist.

[Asker]

Also — I CANNOT legally put this persons name on blast or else I could get sued for defamation. So that’s another thing — I basically have to keep their name private because they were never found guilty.
So IF SOMEONE is publicly speaking that you “raped them” YOU could actually sue them. You have more power than you think.

[lil_will_12]

Can there be any monetary gain from winning in a rape case? (from the victems pov) thats really all i can think of as for reasons to lie. I agree tho, it both doesn't make sense, and is incredibly morally wrong, as well as ruins actual rape cases for other women by being an outlier in the system, i think🤔

[lil_will_12]

Thats so stupid and backwards. I dont understand why the justice system protects the one allegedly doing the crime💀 like i swear they give more protection to them than the victims. And its a name, its not like they are giving out their address or smth

[Shiprex]

I don't think it's assumed but there are always two sides that may be nuanced unless you were there you can not say exactly what happened.

[Asker]

It’s hard to prove that something wasn't consensual — it’s all he-said/she-said most of the time. However, as a woman who was SA’ed I can honestly say women have no benefit in coming forward to the police at all. They ask brutal questions (why didn’t you run away? Are you sure you were raped or was he just a douche bag?) and make you give away your belongings to the rape kit that were there. I lost my favorite dress ever to the kit. On top of that I had an ER visit where they tested me for STDs and put me on a ton of meds. And stuck that tool up my V in order to get sampling.
My point is if women want to “lie” it doesn’t make sense to. There is absolutely no benefit to.
But it’s hard to prosecute predators because in a lot of cases there’s no hard evidence that it was in fact non-consensual.

[Shiprex]

I am sorry that happened to you and can absolutely empathise. I was drugged, robbed and SA'd by a gang of 3 women seen on CCTV and it was known in the city had been going on for some time with one guy dying from the drugs that happened 15 years ago.
I didn't even tell my wife or ANYONE ELSE but went to the police to report it. I understand the interrogation that police (US especially aren't really well trained in these matters) that they knew they'd never find these transient people who are part of international crime syndicates.
There was NO consent to anything as I was searching for my team mates and they "invited" me to where they said they were after I'd gone to the bathroom. I don't think they had me fuck them but I awoke with one of them between my legs sucking me off in this dingy bedsit with other fuckers around.
The only testing they did with me was a hair sample for the drugs to test as I didn't even tell the police about the SA as I thought I woke up before anything happened. I panicked and never even thought about STDs either.
The thing with lying though is that it's all too easy for a situation to arise where in the heat of things a change of mind occurs and isn't always clearly intimated or understood. It is a case of he said she said and given that courts hold men under the influence of alcohol as competent to give consent but it is given that a woman under the influence cannot so there is an imbalance that asserts guilt by gender.

[Asker]

I am SO sorry that happened to you too! It’s also that men are effected by assault too and needs to be taken more seriously. I think so many guys have been and keep it to themselves. I’m personally an advocate for more rights to victims, regardless of gender. I have seen a lot of bad women and men. I don’t think it’s limited to just men. You should find a platform for speaking more about your experience even anonymously if you’re not comfortable.

[Shiprex]

Thanks, I totally blame myself for not being careful enough. Feeling violated, robbed of my earnings, dignity and agency is a horrible burden to bear but I have and am over it.
Do I blame women? NO, I was able to afford the financial impact but the psychological one is still with me as a learning experience
Do I have issue with women? Nope.
I am come to terms with it and see it as a situation where THEY were actually in the wrong, but because of the situation they were in compared to me (I was very high status and highly paid) they targeted me. Just like the "scammers" on social media who use women's (usually influencers) identities to try to rob people.
I don't actually want to discuss my experience either as I have dealt with it in my own way. It doesn't hold me back apart from I won't drink alcohol in public places and will volunteer to be the duty driver instead.

[Agape93]

Because it's easier to shame us than help us or admit wrongdoing