Why do people like my personality but never like me romantically?

[Anonymous]

I guess I sound desperate but this is the fact. I was bright academically and I'm still known at the places I went to study as a brilliant student. Every month I receive calls from current students from my school, college or university asking me for academic help. My neighbours and relatives see me as a good example, and my parents and siblings say they're proud of me. I'm joining as a teaching assistant (a type of junior professor) at a university next month. My friends say I'm a kind and helpful person.

However, almost nobody has ever never been romantically interested in me. It's not because of any stereotypes like 'nerd', being an academically bright person is a very desirable trait here. My school was girls-only. Later too my department was very female-dominated. Still the guys I've met so far and the ones I have befriended had always told me that I was a very genuinely nice person. Most people I talked to shared a lot of personal information and trauma with me, I helped them feel better about things that bothered me and they all thanked me for being there for them. I'm pretty introverted but still people see me as a quite friendly person. It's like they like, admire and even respect me. However, I've been only twice approached romantically in the 23 years of my life.

It's not like I don't have a life outside studies and work. I do nature photography, write short stories for children, speak 5+ languages play all types of board games and play some basic notes on piano. I watch everything from romcom to anime, read all sort of books. Please don't think I'm bragging, I'm just explaining my situation.

I don't know about my appearance but old ladies at queues call me pretty and some long time friends old me that they thought I got called pretty a lot so they always tried to talk about things other than my appearance. However, someone once told me that I'm aesthetically beautiful but I don't have the thing that attracts the opposite sex.

What can be the reason?

[Shiprex]

There is a possibility the men and boys around you are scared of the risk any romantic interest will not be reciprocated and thus not show interest because they're not as academically successful or have such potential as you do.

It's a double edged sword to be a smart woman at times.

[Asker]

I was usually the topper of all the classes I attended so that can be a reason although I was never very conceited I guess, I used to never talk much in the class, the performance was all limited to exams.

[Shiprex]

They may feel like you're delicate and fragile because you don't step out of line with authority

[Asker]

Yeah, that's the point. I feel like people think either I'm too innocent or too polite for relationships.

[Shiprex]

That's very possible and something you need to come to terms with

[slatyb]

The opinions of old ladies mean nothing. What are you doing to meet young men? Are you at a healthy weight? Is there anyone that you would trust to give you an honest opinion about your appearance and personality?

[Asker]

Well, where I live people don't go to places like clubs etc, usually somehow someone likes you from your everyday life. I'm on the thinner side of my healthy weight range. Honestly, I have nobody who can be honest with me about my appearance, many of my friends have talked about my personality so I think some of them were at least honest if not all. The appearance part will remain problematic but I would say that I fit a strong beauty standard that exists in my country, the skin tone standard. People here like someone who is lighter than the average person and I was always the lightest skinned person everywhere I went to.

[slatyb]

It sounds like you should be getting some attention. Are you particularly shy? Where do other women meet their boyfriends?

[Asker]

Yeah, I'm naturally quiet. It is true that I don't go out as much as others do. However, I've seen my friends getting approached by the opposite sex at the same places I've been to. I've a friend who stays single for barely 2 weeks after a breakup. I have always heard people liking and getting liked at college, University etc etc and nothing like that ever happened to me. No guy is ever comfortable talking to me without a context, the ones I mentioned being friends with talked to me for some reason and that lead to more conversations. It's so weird that if I go out with a friend and a man asks us for directions, it's usually my friend that they would talk to. I don't mind not having a boyfriend, but I'm really curious why things are so different with me.

[slatyb]

You wrote "The appearance part will remain problematic". In what way? The way to overcome this is to get to know people more deeply so you aren't waiting for some guy to pick you out of a crowd. Are there any group activities involving both men and women?

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

You probably just like yourself too much for a man to feel he can properly take advantage of you, so they don’t

[Asker]

That is a very unique perspective! I don't mind being single but I was really curious seeing my friends constantly jumping from one relationship to another. Thank you!

[Kaneki05]

Have no clue, it seems like you should have zero problems. Maybe those who like you are too shy to initiate.

[Asker]

Can be, thanks for your opinion.

[Anonymous]

Its hard to say not having met you. You seem like a genuine and caring person so I'm betting you attract like minded people. Ask a close friend open and honestly that you trust and maybe they can give you better insight into your situation

[Asker]

Thank you for your opinion, I think I should try that.

[StevenMcGarrett]

Hmm, hard to say with out seeing you but I would guess it has something to do with your looks.

[Asker]

You mean like because I'm ugly or something?

[StevenMcGarrett]

I'm not sure if it's a combination on not smiling and not looking inviting and/or not dressing sexy enough. Hard to say.

[Asker]

Oh, alright. I am an introvert so I don't seem very inviting but then again many introvert women are liked by the opposite sex. Where I live people are expected to dress modestly (not head cover but nothing too revealing) so I dress like that too.

[StevenMcGarrett]

I can understand being an introvert as I am one too. But maybe if you see someone you are attracted to, try to say hi and smile and see if you get a response. Sounds like you dress okay. Good luck.

[MrZameer]

Can you follow me please,
I want to talk you

[Asker]

About what though?

[MrZameer]

about this thing and about myself

[Asker]

I understand. I wish I could help you but I felt uncomfortable to post it from my own account and hence I chose to be anonymous. After sharing things that I'm not very comfortable sharing publicly, I can't disclose my account information. I'm sorry and I hope you would understand. Have a good time!

[MrZameer]

I just want to make a friend, a good friend, and you seem a good person, that's why I asked you to follow me,

[MrZameer]

anyways, thanks for your so polite response, thanks.

[Anonymous]

I don't know how you look, so can't say

[Asker]

I can't properly describe since I've never seen myself, but I'm around 5'9", on the thinner side, light skinned (not White light, kinda like Mediterranean light skin tone), have type 2C hair (long waves/loose curls), no specific deformities/differences, have rounded almond eyes (a makeup artist confirmed) and a straight nose (people here confirmed, otherwise I was insecure about it). However, some people say my resting face kinda looks serious at times because of roundish eyes and in some photos I look a bit underage.