Dating a very independent woman, advice?

[Anonymous]

Hi girls,

I'm dating a woman who's very independent so I was hoping that some of you independent woman out there can give me some advice.

Basically, she's not needy or clingy at all, isn't the type that's going to text me daily, won't call daily, likes to have her own space, etc. stuff like that I'm sure you can relate to.

We hang out about 3 times per week I'd say, it's always a ton of fun, she says she loves me, etc.

I'm a type of guy that loves to be touchy feely but she doesn't unless we're in bed together. So it can get a little hard for me because I feel like she's rejecting me a lot even though she just likes to be to herself a lot.

Can you independent women relate to this at all? Is this just how you are even with guys you really like? I'm looking for advice from independent women. It's a first that I've dated one.

[Screamo-Lu]

Personally, I'm exasperated when a guy whines about the fact that I don't text him back immediately, as if he always feels a need to check in on me and I'm not complying with his security guidelines. I don't like it when he leaves me three voice-mails, arrives unexpectedly, and constantly asks me what I'm doing. Avoid doing these things. Give her space when she needs it and don't question the way she spends her time. Above all remember that her aloofness is not rejection. She's not the type that's going to fawn over you, but she will demonstrate her love for you in other ways.

[Asker]

Thank you for the detailed response. I texted her today, she never got back to me. So my feeling is that I need to lay back a couple of days and simply wait for her to send a text my way. She did tell me she would be busy and couldn't talk today, but I simply wanted to see how she was doing.

Can you possibly explain the mindset behind this? I like to show feelings and hang out with women I like all the time. Why do some women simply not want to be around their guy all the time?

[Screamo-Lu]

Well, some people just need space. Too much together time can make them feel claustrophobic, even if it's with someone they really care about. Sometimes when I'm away from my guy, I like to think about things he's said or done and analyze the way I feel about them, so I'll be better prepared to react to them or discuss them the next time we meet. Also, if she's as independent as you say, she's probably not the type who's going to let you into her life all at once.

[Prescribed_By_Me]

I am so glad I came across this answer before I wrote one similar to it...I could not agree with this answer more...my last boyfriend didn't understand my independence and so it just didn't workout. I also find that when I'm around a boyfriend almost everyday...I'm not as happy to see him. I mean I have no problem with responding to text messages...like you said you texted her and she never texted back...thats kind of I guess rude. Just no multiple text...text her "are you alive" and then don't text her unles

[Prescribed_By_Me]

unless she responds...

[Screamo-Lu]

I agree with Prescribed By Me's suggestion. And whatever you do, don't send her 13 messages akin to any of the following: "What are you doing?" "Why haven't you been answering my texts?" "Where are you?" "I miiissss you!"

[Asker]

You girls rock, seriously. Teaching me some important stuff here. It's funny how bad guys here want to learn how to get a girl - but I think it's 10 times harder to keep a girl once you've started dating.

Anyways, she called me today and I didn't question her at all about not responding to my text. I just asked her what she did yesterday, she told me, asked me how my day is, and then talked for another 10 or so minutes. We didn't hang out tonight, she was busy. Hoping to see her tonight...

[Screamo-Lu]

There, see, no reason to worry. :) Good luck, I hope you two work out.

[Asker]

Hi, had a great time with her the other night. I just left for my 3 week trip yesterday so we had a good time, she got really emotional about me leaving because she likes me a lot, told her I love her and he said she loves me, etc. so it all ended on a really high note.

However, tonight she goes out with an old fling and 3 friends and updates her status saying how "its been so long since I've been this happy!"

So lol... either she's REALLY playing the jealous card or mad at me

[Asker]

Or maybe just accepting the fact that I'm going to be gone and is going to still try to have fun with herself. It just sorta pisses me off that she's already hangin with an old fling. I couldn't have fallen out of her thoughts that fast, could I? Eh, just weird.

I'm not going to react to her and this at all - My reaction would probably be me pulling a random girl tonight, I'm bugged about this...

[xoxokellyxoxo]

For me I need my space too. Though their comes a limit. In a relationship you need to bend and come to agreements. if that makes any sense.

[Anonymous]

Wow, I have the exact same thing happening with my guy! Lol Except we are both very independant people. But I do think that there comes a time when they are willing to text/call a bit more.