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I have a coworker that for the past couple of weeks, has been acting differently around me. When she talks to everyone else, she is very talkative about work and everything outside of work. When she talks to me, she becomes very nervous and awkward. She struggles to keep a basic conversation with me. She will become so nervous and awkward that she will walk away and pretend to work. When she is talking to someone and I walk pass by she will keep the conversation with that person but stare at me and smile. When she has the chance she will find a way to walk past by me and look at me and smile. When she is working near me, she will stare at me. When I walk in a room she will stare at me. I am the only person she is like this with. I don't know what to do. She is being very shy and awkward around me. I don't know if I should wait for her to say or do something or I should say or do something first. I don't know If I should approach her when she smiles and looks at me, I dont have an idea what to say if I should. I don't know if I should wave and smile back.
Why does a coworker act shy around me and stare at me?
What Girls Said
Your best option is to ask her why she behaves the way she does with you and only with you. That should settle the question once and for all.
She may be shy but are you also shy? Are you more the introvert type of person or the extrovert? And why is her behavior bothering you so much?
I have the impression that you have a crush on her otherwise her behavior would not bother you the way it does.
Maybe she is too shy to approach you because you intimidate her. Anyway, you never have anything going on between coworkers. That only impacts the working climate and creates jealousies and favoritism.
First, don’t get interested in people you work with. Never good. Second, how do you know you’re the only one she is like that with? Do you stalk her the entire day?
We work in the same area of our building on the same crew. We don't leave that area of the building at all. I don't pay any attention to her. Once I'm working, I stay working.
Okay, so if you don't pay any attention, how do you know she isn't like that with everyone.
You are obviously paying some kind of attention to her or how would you know she looks at you that often and her mannerisms?
I am the only guy her age. I have been next to her for many conversations she has had with coworkers next to me or in front of me and we have been in a plentiful of meetins. If I walk past by her I am usually going to my tool box or to a coworker and she is in my line of sight. Sometimes I feel like I am being watched and I will look around and see her glancing at me. My main thing is I don't want to make her uncomfortable.
I don’t say this in a messed up way at all J but I really think you lack self awareness. It doesn’t matter how closely you think you work with her, you can’t have eyes and ears on her during the entirety of every single shift. You just literally can’t unless you don’t work at all.
What I’m thinking is that she’s caught you stealing glances and/or staring, and she’s become just as aware of it as you think you are about her behavior. That’s where her “nervousness and awkwardness” most likely derives from, not just suddenly out of thin air one day.
You may not want to agree but to genuinely have this conversation with the community you’re asking then you must be open-minded when it comes to speculation and outside perspectives; especially from women, about women. If you’re going to rebuttal every theory rather than asking questions about them then these conversations are pointless, because you’ve already come to your own conclusions and simply want them reinforced. Abby presented some angles to this situation that it doesn’t sound like you’re giving a drop of consideration, just defense. It’s completely counterproductive to what you’re trying to accomplish in this space.
@HollyK21 This is the classic "They are always staring at me". How would one know that unless you were always looking at them to see them looking at you?
Also I agree with Abby when it comes to starting relationships in the workplace, especially in your position where you seem to work so closely with these people and that woman. If you’re going to approach her based off the assumptions you’ve made and conclusions that you’re coming to, you may very well be disappointed by a rejection. Then you’re left having to navigate around each other more awkwardly than you think it is now. Even if we played devils advocate and said there is some sort of crush going on, that would surely stir up some gossip amongst you’re coworkers and that never ends well.
@Abbycado yep! That seems to be such a triggering and impossible perspective for them to look at. Like there’s just no possible way that woman caught him staring ever, he’s just too slick. Meanwhile he’s catching her every time and that’s totally sensible. It’s like an insecurity or something lol I don't know
Stop caring. Do the job you are paid to do.