Why do some women get angry when a man who they friend zoned, chooses to move on and find a girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

I would like to preface this with, Yes i know i did most of this to my self, and i was even more stupid for letting it carry on for 5 years.

There is a coworker i was interested in for years. she's 29 now, athletic, pretty, and so on. Years ago i told her i was interested in her, and she said "Lets just be friends" Okay, i can live with that. So for 5 years i was there for her, When her ex cheated on her, i was there with ice cream and a shoulder. She made me promise that i would always be there for her. When another ex beat her to pieces, i helped her get away. Any time she had issues i came to her rescue. We even had weekly things we did, like Sunday brunch and movie nights. Any time she was with someone, i was her shoulder to cry on. any time she broke up i was yet again her shoulder to cry on.

The final straw was about 8 months ago when i helped her move, and i was putting together a TV stand in another room when i over heard her say to her friends "He is my person, my best friend, besides its not like any woman will ever want him, so i can just keep him around." That hurt like hell. Her friends didn't exactly react to it very well either. They told her that she was using me, and she responded with "you're just jealous you dont have someone like him in your life."

I started to put distance between her and i. One of her best female friends actually sought me out and talked to me. It turns out she's a physical therapist, which is cool. We also had a lot in common honestly we hit it off. We decided to start dating. I started to further distance my self from my friend. It came to a head when she demanded that i meet with her. Fine, we met. she asked me what was happening, i said that i met someone and im just done being used. She was PISSED. Said i betrayed her. Asked me who it was. When i said her name, she got even more angry.

haven't spoken to her in months now, Girlfriend, now fiance dropped her as well.

Updates

3 mo

I will add that said ex friend has tried repeatedly to sabotage the two of us. It got to a point where my girlfriend felt the need to stand up for me. Since i have been with her though i have gotten my life on track, lost weight, gotten more fit. and so on. The reason she felt the need to stand up for me is on our last meeting with the ex friend, she all but threw her self at me.

[HollyK21]

In all honesty I think your interest in this woman and situation has become a bit redundant, for lack of a better word. Once you mention this:


“It came to a head when she demanded that i meet with her. Fine, we met. she asked me what was happening, i said that i met someone and im just done being used.”


It’s clear a conversation was already had, and your answer as to why she was angry is:


“She Said i betrayed her.”



So we can now determine that specifically this woman is angry because she feels like you betrayed her. The question then becomes, why does she feel betrayed? And the answer to that simply doesn’t matter. It can’t matter, because she isn’t your problem anymore, your fiancé is. You have already decided to move forward with this woman, despite knowing how it made your friend feel. Which I absolutely do not blame you for, given what you overheard her say.


At this time I think there’s still some part inside of you wanting to be affirmed or told that your friend made a mistake. You’d like to be told she regrets losing you, and is doing all this in some sort of effort to win you back, even if you know that would never happen due to your contentment in your current relationship, it’s still an ego boost regarding someone you once felt strongly for. I wouldn’t be surprised if this whole thing didn’t give you a bit of an ego stroke, her throwing herself at you and trying to sabotage your relationship. After 5 years, this is what you wanted.


In any case, I’d wash my hands of her completely and just focus solely on my relationship going forward. Even if you were single I wouldn’t advise remaining friends with her, or anyone else for that matter who’d so proudly and openly take you for granted, and say no woman would want you. You’ve got someone now who’s giving you what the other woman wouldn't, and she deserves your undivided attention.

[Nikki1989]

You are an adult; there are NO zones.

[Asker]

i will take missing the point for 500 alex.

My question is why would she be pissed off if im just her friend if i find a girlfriend. But you're not intelligent enough to read the whole question or comment with any form of rational thought. Typical of you. No wonder you're not a mod any more.

[Anonymous]

Oh dude that sucks. its better if you wake up, even if late (five years is a lot though) than to never wake up at all.

Women like her, thankfully there aren't a lot that are like that, get an ego boost by keeping men like that on the string. She will usually have a lot of guys like that. Where she uses them as emotional sponges. Evil if you ask me. She wanted all of the boyfriend perks from you but was not willing to do any of the girlfriend things to get said perks.

Glad you moved on.

[Levin]

You chose to stop being a simp. We've all been there. It sounds like she's a pretty awful person actually. You're best cutting her off and not even giving her an explanation.

And yes, women in general can get angry and bitter when you're happy. Resentful even. Especially when they hit that 'wall' and the attention dries up. Just remember you don't need to justify yourself to these people. What ye sow, ye shall reap!

[Summeroflove]

Not all women do. It’s normal to feel hurt sometimes but not to act like that. It’s obsessive and entitled and even narcissistic behavior. That’s not normal….. and most women don’t act that way

[Asker]

Why do you think I specifically said some?

[Summeroflove]

Sometimes it’s narcissism. Sometimes it’s entitlement. Sometimes it’s pain and they lack the maturity