Is she just being cautious?

[Ruiner]

The girl is 10 years younger than me. I've been interested for a few weeks and we've been talking more and more. She clearly is into me as well. Whenever our eyes meet, neither of us can hold it for very long and she will usually break eye contact with a smile and look away quickly. When I tease or flirt with her, pretty much the same thing, blush and smile, but she turns away so I won't see. I mentioned all her giggling and smiling and she said she's always that way. Then I smiled at her and said, "But its clearly different with me." She asked how, so I told her that I'm the only one that makes her blush and hide her face. She immediately blushes and hides her face again.

There's more that makes me believe she's into me. Here's the problem, I've asked her out directly twice and gotten myself two maybes and one "I've just got a lot going on right now."

I do know that she is in fact pretty busy right now. I also know she's not seeing anyone else. So as I see it, she is in fact very into me, but she's being cautious for a couple reasons. I'm almost certainly the first guy she's been interested in that's been this much older than her and she really wants to see if I can be kind of patient and show her my interest is real.

[candlewax]

You've asked her out twice and she's given you three different answers?

One, she's 20ish. Girls that age act stupid and don't know how to behave around a guy 10 years her senior, let alone around guys generally. You know how many times I've heard guys gripe about girls in that age range and how confusing they are? They don't know how to behave around the opposite gender yet and do a lot of stupid, confusing mixed signals when they really aren't all that interested to begin with.

If you've asked her out twice, and she's given you that run around answer, that's a very passive way of saying "I'm not interested." I'm surprised that you being older, can't see that canned response from a mile away.

All that other stuff sounds like she's not sure what to do with your straight forward flirting. You also kind of come across rather cocky. "It's different with me." "I'm the only one that makes you hide your face and blush." How do you know? Do you follow her around all day and see how she reacts around other guys?

I don't blame her for behaving so awkwardly around you. I would too if some older guy hit on me. In fact, I HAVE been there and it's really, really awkward and weird to be around.

Overall, I don't think she's as into you as you think she is. The runaround answer is a dead give away, as well as her behavior which says she feels very awkward. As a girl who's had older guys hit on her in a very persistent manner, just like you've done with her, lemme just tell you that it's really annoying when the guy can't take a hint, no matter how direct or indirect it may be. The age alone can be rather intimidating, but the fact that the guy can't respect the girl and back off just doubles it.

If you really want to find out, back off and see what she does. Pressuring her and being persistent is just going to push her away.

What do you want out of this anyway? Easy tail? Or a legitimate relationship? It's usually the latter when I've seen this specific age gap when the guy is older. :/

[Anonymous]

i think she's being cautious because of the age gap, but also she may just only want to risk her heart after she knows its worth it...i wouldn't rush into a relationship with someone I still want to get to know. at a certain age I think the age gap is a big deal, and so it depends on her age, and how many guys she's dated, and how much those past guys have hurt her...

lots of stuff on her plate, it may just be she knows she doesn't have time for you and doesn't wanna hurt you because she doesn't have time to be the girl she wants for you...or just plain she doesn't have time, her grades in school shouldn't go down because you're in the picture or her work shouldn't suffer. maybe in past relationships that did happen and she's not good at monitoring it for herself and so she just avoids everything at all costs.

bottom line I think she has her head screwed on and has a reason for it, don't think she just plain doesn't like you...i would show that you are willing to wait and that you can be that guy she needs...WHEN SHE IS READY.

[Yeahhbro]

the hell with that, if you are not putting as much as effort as this guy is doing, then you are not interested. Why are you making him work his butt off for something that is very likely not going anywhere? Plus the way you put it, this girl sounds like somebody with too much emotional baggage, not good either.

[Opinion Owner]

MAYBE, and I am not the knower of all things so you can think what you want. maybe she does have baggage and has been hurt and therefore wants to make sure she doesn't work her butt off for this guy because the last guy that happened and she got hurt because of it. IF he really likes her like he is saying I would assume he would be OK with baggage because he cares enough...his choice, but it was just a suggestion. I understand your comment on effort, BUT girls (& guys) will do that whether it makes sense/not.

[Yeahhbro]

ok that's true but honestly I don't think she is not interested. Even if she seemed like a shy girl, even shy girls make effort to approach guys. This girl doesn't do anything that makes me think she is interested, I mean anything to attract him.

[Ruiner]

You assumed a couple things. She isn't in school and her work couldn't possibly suffer because she has a cushy job that I only see her at for a few hours a day.

[Opinion Owner]

i honestly think if she didn't like him at all she wouldn't be saying maybe...if I straight out didn't like a guy I'd just say no. I see where she's giving mixed signals and I think that's why this ? was listed, BUT in all fairness I believe that she is busy and really does like him deep down, but can't quite get the feelings sorted...really neither of us know her and therefore I don't think either of us could ever acurately tell him yes for sure/no for sure...

[Opinion Owner]

then what the heck is she busy with?!

[Ruiner]

She gets off work after 9pm the 5 days she works so she really only has two free days. I already know the stuff she has going on the next three weekends and its all legitimate stuff and prior plans.

[Yeahhbro]

to me maybe or there is a lot of stuff gling its saying NO in a nice way. In my experience mixed signals have led me to nowhere and almost always means no. I would changed my mind if she was playing hard to get, but she isn't I mean what have she done for him, othen than just a smirk?

[Yeahhbro]

I would give you an example. Actually today I picked up a girl in a bus, she game all the signals, she smiled, she was laughing at the stuff that we said, there was good chemistry, but then I ask for her number or Facebook and guess what? She didn't give it to me. That is what I said smiles and these signs mean nothing until you are out with her on a date. If a girl likes you, she would say yes to your advances no matter what. Isn't that right Anonymoys girl?

[Opinion Owner]

ok...im gonna change my answer if that's ok? I think she is playing you with the I'm busy stuff...3 weekends is not what I consider busy, if I did want to date you I'd say yes, but in a month OR more than likely I would MAKE time! I was under the impression she was like me and had a part time job and goes to school full time or something busy along those lines...or had a kid/something...i don't think of 3 weeks as meaning too busy to date you...sorry to change the answer, but new info changed it

[Ruiner]

Just a smirk? Dude, you really need to pay attention. Her being EXTREMELY bashful around me and behaving in the way a girl that has a crush does has been going on for several weeks now.

[Ruiner]

This is absurd. girlsareconfusing barely bothered to read what the full question was and now he's pumping a bunch of biased crap based on assumptions that is altering your view. Just a smirk? That's idiotic, she's been VERY bashful around me and behaving like a girl with a crush does for WEEKS now.

[Opinion Owner]

ok...i see where you are getting your answer "girlsareconfusing" (btw I like that, cause its true even when you are a girl!). 1. I changed my answer happy? ha ha 2. that girl was giving you the signs and everything! not sure why she said no! she must be a flirt...sorry to hear that...lotsa girls are like that, it makes the others look bad :(

[Opinion Owner]

i'm sorry, he did not sway me though...that doesn't seem busy to me...she has a cush job and made plans on the weekend for 3 weekends in a row? you're telling me she doesn't have 2 hours to hangout and watch a movie on any of those weekends or after her job? I get she is flirting, but she may just simply be a flirt...i realize you like her a lot and I think that's super sweet, BUT I think you need to ask her for a specific date the 1st day she's not busy & if she says maybe be done.

[Opinion Owner]

bottom line, if you like her you need to be honest with her...tell her you like her a lot, but don't understand this. I don't understand why if she likes you, she won't make time for you. I know you like her by the way you're talking...its very sweet & I understand your frustration, but a cush job & making plans 3 weekends in a row (which I think everybody has)? that doesn't sound too busy to at least go on 1 date! good luck! & if she isn't into you there is someone better...promise

[india101]

I do agree with your last paragraph, about her wanting to see if you were patient and if your love was real. Also no girl blushes for just anyone, especially if you pointed it out with the "I'm different" part. I agree with candlewax on that part: cocky...lol!

But if she's busy, wait it out. After a certain point you feel ready, come and say how she makes you feel all gooey inside, and you want to hear her response, whether she likes you or not. You can say that you guys don't have to be in a "relationship" relationship just yet, but you'll wait for her...if you want that, that is. But don't harass the poor girl!

Good Luck!

[Anonymous]

Dude, I have the same issue with this girl, 9 year gap, the smiling and turning away, the teasing and everything else. I asked her out and she said no. This is the thing when you come here and ask people's opinion (like I did). If you say "I asked her out and she said no" you'll get responses like "oh back away, date women your own age bla bla, can't you attract them or something" you know, bullsh*t answers. A week after that, I stopped talking to her and I was a jerk and then I updated the question and they told me "why are you being a jerk, she rejected you and now you don't want to talk to her". SO it boils down to this, you talk to a girl 10 years younger, you are being "creepy and making her uncomfortable". You stop talking to her,you are being an "immature jerk". So it made me think "which one do I want to be? A jerk? or a creep? and then I stopped listening to some opinions. Just go with the flow, if she smiles and blushes, then that's good, keep doing it. Maybe she isn't ready, but just remind her once in a while that you are there, make her laugh and then when she feels ready, she will let you know. If nothing happens, well, she will always have the memory of the guy who was nice to her the whole time and not some jerk who was "in her age range" and dumped her because, you know, a guy in her age range who left her pregnant is an irresponsible jerk, but he will never be catalogued as creepy because "he is her age" (according to some people). Take what you need from the answerers' opinions, but don't make decisions because of them. Go with instinct and what you know.

[medstudent1979]

Well, just a word of caution for you... I just got out of a relationship with someone 10 years younger (she was 21), and she seemed a lot like the girl you're describing (her name doesn't start with a B, does it? Lol): cautious, giggly, and smiling and blushing a lot. I was also the first guy she dated that much older, and it was great for a while. We took it slow, and we both fell for each other hard. However, her immaturity finally came through, and things just kind of fell apart. Not saying that's the case here, but just detailing my recent experience since it's a lot like yours.

My advice, though, is just to take it slow and don't pressure her. Show her you're a fun guy, but one who is mature enough to be worth the effort. If she has a lot on her plate right now, she likely doesn't want the extra stress that a relationship may bring, so don't be overly persistent.

[candlewax]

FYI- that age gap seems to always be doom. I've yet to hear of a successful relationship with that specific age group combination. I think it's because people in their early 20s= serious immaturity and drama. 30s= people who have matured quite a bit from 20 and are usually getting pretty serious about relationships and life. It's just asking for conflict. :/

[candlewax]

doomed*

[medstudent1979]

This was the first time I'd dated someone that much younger, so I can't say for sure. Perhaps if she'd had a few extra years on her (24-25), things might have been better, but there were other issues aside from the immaturity that she probably needed to work through first before she had a successful relationship with anyone (of any age).

[xTeacup]

Just chillax and don't rush things.

Just because she has not said yes does not mean she is being cautious.

She's not ready. Deal with it. If you like her enough, you could wait a little while longer.

[Yeahhbro]

i honestly don't think she is interested, you have asked her out twice...yes twice. I honestly don't read into sings because signs are deceiving, specially if you like somebody, the mind just sees what it wants to see (basically the mind makes you see, what you want to see), basically wishful thinking. If a girl its not putting effort on you as much as you are putting into her, then forget it. I honestly think she might just gets embarrased when you say those things, and she just smiles because she likes the attention not you and its being nice. Honestly if a girl doesn't accept your advances or accepts to go out with you, she is not interested, as simple as that.

[Ruiner]

To be perfectly honest, you understand women far far less than I do. I am 30, I have been around the block more than a few times and I know what I see when its obvious. You clearly didn't read very closely either. There is a BIG difference between a smile and a big grin and blushing that she tries to hide from you. If you don't even understand that basic fact about women its no wonder you find them confusing.

[Yeahhbro]

well its your choice, if you don't like my answer its OK, don't take it so seriously daaang.

[Ruiner]

Sorry if you think I took it so seriously but, your above comment and this answer are so far off the mark that I couldn't say nothing.

[candlewax]

Despite what he thinks, you're right on the money. For someone who claims to understand women so well, he's seriously missing all the blatant signs of disinterest. :/

[claireincali]

well, maybe the age difference is making her cautious. I mean, 10 YEARS is a lot. especially if your 20 and 30 or something.

[MrsJones7]

I don't think she is ready to date you right now and I would just fall back and see if she will contact you on her own. Give her some space. If she doesn't call, which happens to most of us, then we take the L and move on.

[MrsJones7]

I think you are being kind of TOO confident that you think she's not seeing anyone else.

[Ruiner]

Well unless she's concealing a relationship from almost everyone. I'd appreciate if people could read the facts as they are laid out and stop making stupid assumptions or telling me or anyone else the facts aren't the facts. It's impossible to get a straight answer when people start conjecturing and stray from the QUESTION and DESCRIPTION.

[MrsJones7]

listen if she wanted to see you she would have seen you so far at least once.