Is it being too possessive that my fiance won't let me belly dance?

Question

I realllly wanna start belly dancing, I'm a dancer or I've been dancing all my life. now I live in Turkey and I wanna belly dance... I don't really see it as trashy or anything, it's a cultural dance, and sure it looks hot but not like THAT hot. anyway and first time I spoke about it with him he said "no, I don't want you doing that in front of people..." I tried again a couple months later and he said we already spoke about this, there is just no way you're doing that ok? and I said, but don't you like it? and he said no, I really don't. I said come on don't lie it looks nice, and he said, it looks sexy. and I said, don't you want me to be sexy? and he looked at me like I'd just shot his brother and said "for WHO?".

i mean OK, you are topless, but it isn't lap dancing, or stripping. AND I heard you get amazing abs from doing that. is this normal? guys would you FORBID your girl from belly dancing?

Yriuqni · Accepted Answer

Listen..men are jealous , and I understand that because I get jealous myself..He loves you so much he can't imagine another men attracted to you .. Maybe if you make it clear that no men enter that place what so ever and it is strictly confidential.. let him know that you are doing it for him ONLY .. that you wanna dance for him..and you wanna do something you love for someone you love even more.. he should be okay after this .. don't tell him you wanna do it as a hobby no , be diplomatic and tell him you are doing it just for him .. tell him to at least let you try and dance for him once .. and see if he will like it or not ? Tell him also that no one would know that you are doing this so other men won't try to imagine stuff ..

I dealt with a ton of jealous guys .. they don't mean to be possessive, just that they want you to be theirs only ..

Anyway if he still says NO.. then he is selfish , not possessive. He doesn't wanna make you happy and that's an issue now that you have to take in consideration :) Good luck

tohrment · Accepted Answer

Yes, he is being possessive. Maybe he doesn't understand what it is you want here?

Tell him you will be in a class filled with women, and that you aren't doing performances. Tell him WHY you want to do it, and that it is for no one but yourself (and maybe him, lol). He is being very possessive and jealous, but him forbidding you from doing something is not okay. The words 'allow' and the like should NOT be in any relationship. It's a partnership, he is not your parent.

Tell him that you don't appreciate the way he is behaving over the matter, that he is taking it too far and that you want to do it for fitness and experience - not to attract the attention of men. Maybe reassure him, too.

hakuna_matata · Accepted Answer

see, you have two option depending on the kind of person you r:

u are the head strong, my wish my life, independent types: go ahead...learn it... you are doing nothing wrong or obscene or anything

u are the compromising, I want to make my boyfriend happy all the time, relationship is more imp than my wishes, scared of losing him types : then leave it...

but let me tell you what..u give in to one thing...then you will have to give up others in the future. this is applicable to all genders. but if you stand up for what you want when you are sure there is nothing wrong in it..then you will have everyone's respect. I have seen this in life...experienced it.

myspacemybroke · Accepted Answer

Well to start with your significant other should never think they have the right or have it given to them by your own cooperation to forbid you to do things. You're two adults in a relationship. You're not eight and he's not your father. I would have misgivings about my girlfriend topless dancing for a bunch of people, and I would tell her that and probably try to convince her otherwise. That being said, I would never try to control her and flat out tell her that she is not doing something, and if it's something she really wants to do then I'd want her to be happy anyways. He sounds jealous and petty, and this is the fellow you plan to pledge the rest of your life to?

Mrsupaakeru · Accepted Answer

Are you going to do stage performances belly dancing or just learn how to belly dance? Couldn't you just compromise by learning how to belly dance but only doing it for him and your family/friends? I mean it's controlling to say you can't do something but he does have a right to tell you that he is uncomfortable with something you are going to do and doesn't want you to do it. Also, you could take him to see a belly dancing performance to show him what it's like. People are generally pretty respectful at least at the performance I've seen.

Prettiestgirl · Answer

You should go right ahead with this. It's a long standing cultural practice. You won't be in a night club or anything. Many women will be watching, too, and children.

I can understand his concern about a public performance, but it will be in a controlled environment.

Anonymous · Answer

Do you mean as a job? Because if so I would understand that.

Depends on how serious the relationship is to both of you; if it is topless and in front of strangers- that is kinda crossing the boundaries.

You don't really specify in what scenario you are referring to with this.

If it is something like a class with just other women- that seems fine.

but with strangers- just put yourself in his shoes.

Your spouse dancing topless, just sexually aroused potential (interested strangers) - without you there?

If the relationship doesn't mean that much to you, then just tell him this.

It does kinda seem like a more 'single' girl sorta thing to be doing.

Elaine1 · Answer

There is a cultural problem between you and your boy. He thinks belly dance is bad and not so elegant for a lady, but to me it's OK. Who said belly dance is lustful. However for your lover, maybe he doesn't want share your sexy and hot dance with other people, especially other men~lol

ellacha · Answer

Um no... not normal.  And I've taken belly dancing classes for years.  Have always kept my bra on.  Where are you taking classes that it is topless?   Anyways.  There shouldn't be any problem.  Your boyfriend is being a controlling, quasi-mentally abusive douche.  For who?  He seriously asked you that?  I'm assuming you haven't had any issues in your relationship with you seeing other people.  Then, I might maybe kind of understand his pov.  But, otherwise... Ugh. Is there a reason you have to stay with him in Turkey?  Because I'd dump him right there, honestly.  Just go to the classes... if he calls you on it, that's his problem.  Your body, your shaking.

menguc · Answer

You might want to ask this question also on our sister site KizlarSoruyor.com     which is in Turkish. You can get some first hand opinion on belly dancing..just an idea :)

Anonymous · Answer

Yes, one just because your married doesn't mean he controls you, if that is going to make you happy do it. Two it's belly dancing you aren't stripping or anything also it's really fun.Finnaly it depends on where you want to do it and for who, also just take classes or for public?

Anonymous · Answer

you shouldn't let a man control you, you're your own person, if that's what you wanna do as a hobby you should he should be accepting of that. if he wants to play basketball for example and it makes him happy, he should know you wouldn't wanna stop him either

TouchTheSky · Answer

Your problem is that you're from Turkey, and Turks are a bit jealous, like me I am Turk also ;)

I wouldn't let my girl do that in front of people too, if she wants she can learn it from girls and dance at home lol < Turk erkekleri boyle yapicak bisey yok.

Anonymous · Answer

the whole point of a couple, is to support one another. I am not seeing any of that here. you have not asked him WHY he doesn't want you to do it! take his feelings into consideration before you do something that will upset him. have you offered to take him to observe a class? you could just be defiant and do what you want, but without even some communication, your pretty much leaving the message "I don't give a damn how you feel, I am gonna do what I want and break yer heart in the process."

anony84 · Answer

I don't think it's too possessive.  You might see it as just a hobby but you have to remember that everyone is different.  Your guy might not see it the same way as you do and every relationship requires compromise and understanding.

mbounds · Answer

insecure, controlling, selfish, few other words pop in my head.. oh yeah untrusting is one.he  wants you allllllllllllllllllllllll to himself..awwwww.

-Darling · Answer

Not really. I smell some misunderstanding between you two. He thinks that you'll be a performer? But your not? Your just doing it for the sake of dancing and the fun. Let him know.

jokersgirl · Answer

Do what you want to do.. He shouldn't be stopping you from doing something you love.. and you shouldn't let him!

katylaura · Answer

he shouldn't be forbidding you from doing anything, that's not his place

Bluegameroyon · Answer

lol. I would laugh if you vomited while belly dancing.

ellacha · Answer

Would it be okay with him if he said he wanted to take a class- guys only- to learn how to do something, and you went after him the same way he went after you?

MrCountryMusicMan · Answer

I would encourage it I think belly dancing is very sexy but I don't want my girl to strip infront of people only me

Anonymous · Answer

YEP. WHAT A DOUCHE. TELL UM TO GROW UP.

carinabina820 · Answer

WAY too possessive.

Is it being too possessive that my fiance won't let me belly dance?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Is it being too possessive that my fiance won't let me belly dance?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.