so i thought about desensitizing them, but then it would give him an excuse to play with them more, which i dont like. I don't know what to do.
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Maybe just ask him to be super gentle, that's what I did and it actually feels really good, and if it makes you feel used even the playing field and touch his nipples back! haha I think the best think you can do is explain to him very clearly how that makes you feel. I was embarrassed when my boyfriend went down on me at first because it was something I wasn't used to (my first actual sexual activity) so he'd start out by kissing me until I was calm and turned on enough, and he'd reach up and hold my hand during it. If you feel like your boyfriend only values you for your looks or whether you put out then maybe he isn't the best person for you. He should be touching you because he wants to make you feel good and wants to share pleasure with you, not just because it would gratify himself. By all means take things slow especially if this is your first boyfriend, but you should never ever feel pressured to do anything you don't want to do!