She compares me to her father, and complains that I'm not like him?

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend is all the time comparing me to her father. And frequently complains that I'm not like him. That he is more easy going, stronger, funnier, more social... more everything. And gets mad at me for supposedly not being as good as him and tries to press me to being like him.

Why does she do this? Is this normal? What could I do to stop her from acting like this? Will I ever be able to compete with her father?

[TheChristian]

lol well this is the oppossite effect of the no daddy syndrome, a woman that has had a great dad. This is an example of what having a good father in your home represents for women. It is the nature of women to choose men that are a reflection of their father, hence why an absent father can produce a woman that continuously searches for love from men in any way possible, a bad father can produce a woman that looks for a bad man, basically a woman usually chooses a man that is a reflection of her father. It sounds sick because I myself have told my husband that he reminds of my father but men do it also. Most men look for women that are like their mother. You will never be able to compete with her father however, this may sound weird but there may be certain things that you do need to improve on to be a better man and possibly father yourself. If you can look at her father and say "I admire his..." then those are things that you yourself are admitting you want to work on. Now if the things she is mentioning are more personality traits and you they are things that you like about yourself then there is a descrepancy. I would be curious to know what you say to her when she says these things? Because if it something that you don't want to change about yourself then maybe you need to respond and say "but I'm not him" and have a conversation with her. God Bless

[FaceInTheCrowd]

you really don't have a clue do ya ?

[TheChristian]

why do you say that?

[FaceInTheCrowd]

Evil exists even if you don't want to see it ... the situation here is not typical because the boyfriend and father are actively engaged in competion. That is the hallmark of Oedipus.

[TheChristian]

Hi there.To be fair I can't speak to whether this is incest or not based on the details provided and I usually don't think the worst first until warranted. It doesn't sound like the boyfriend and father are actively in competition against each other.It sounds like the girlfriend is in a comparative state versus her father.This is very common in pyschology for both men and women.On the contrary victims of incest usually have difficulty even being in a serious relationship at all.

[TheChristian]

I am definitely not saying that it could or couldn't be but I don't think that the question details provided enough information to draw that conclusion. It honestly just sounds like a classic case of daddy's little girl. This is the benefit of having a good father in the presence of his daugther at home, she has standards (whether realistic or not).

[carol85]

My guy is very much like my father. He is a dad from a previous relationship as well
But sometimes I have to remind him that he's not my father but my boyfriend
When it comes down to it its all on self respect. A woman's first love is their dad or father figure. And if one is absent that doesn't mean that they can't find good men. If they have a strong mother they will learn from her mistakes or experiences what have you. And men many times do go for a woman liken their mother or woman care taker. My father is near seventy and my guy his mom was very young when she had him and semi absent therefore his gmother who primarily raised him and is close to my father age was the one who taught him what to go for. Therefore we both have very old souls and differ from many of our friends relationships. Don't get me wrong I made poor decisions as a kid but it wasn't for long term anyway

[justcurious202]

I've never compared my boyfriend to my Dad but when we talk about him he is always saying how much alike they are. He has never met my Dad but says they would get along so well because they are so similar. I always said I would never go for someone like my dad (thinking it would be the grossest thing ever) but turns out I did. Us girls do it subconsciously. It's not a big deal but if she wants you to change, Don't. Just be yourself.

You won't have to compete with her Dad. If you do her Dad will probably think you're an ass hole.

[Anonymous]

It's normal enough.

Her father was her primary male role model in her life. All other men will be compared to him, especially if he was a good father and a good husband.

If you want to keep her, and keep her happy, then you can make yourself more like him.

To be honest, many of those traits sound like worth improvements to any man : be stronger, funnier, more easy goin, more social, etc...

[Levin]

The problem with this is, people have different personalities. Some are not very socially orientated and don't feel any desire to change themselves in order to satisfy others. Surely a basic definition of confidence is being content with yourself irrespective of what other people say. He's a person in his own right, not her dad, with virtues probably of a different kind. He may require self improvement, we all do, but still.

[Opinion Owner]

True. And that's why I said *if* he wanted to keep her and keep her happy.

It's obvious that she wants a different sort of guy. So he can either become that guy, or leave her.

But he won't convince her that her desires are somehow wrong, and that she should change them.

[Levin]

My general rule is that if a women doesn't think I'm good enough for her and keeps complaining about some aspect of me (assuming it's superficial, unwarranted, or unjustifiable, like a comparison), I'd let her go. I don't need any woman undermining my confidence with her negativity. If she doesn't like me, I can quite easily find someone that appreciates me.

[bassman]

She has low low interest level in YOU! Go find yourself a different girl...shes nothing but TROUBLE! She's about to dump you. Dump her first. Don't you have some self worth? You don't have to take this type of complaining. Major Red flags...Run!

[FaceInTheCrowd]

No ..

You need to stop what you are doing and get a book about incestuous families. I sh*t you not buddy, what you are describing is cookie cutter behavior.

I sincerely hope I am wrong on this ...

[iPood]

I've read that girls look for guys that are similar/remind them to their fathers. Explains why girls with sh*tty or no fathers tend to go for bad boys even more than other girls. It has nothing to do with incest.

[FaceInTheCrowd]

Yes that is true, but it is subconcious that we seek partners of the opposite gender that remind us of our mummies and daddies for many of us but never openly. We are all agreed the father has had a great deal of influence on the upbringing of the daughter, and they are very close. The question of the day is how appropriate is that closeness ? There is a lot of Oedipus in this situation and I am aware that such a woman would rather die than be exposed, but it happens all the time.

[Anonymous]

Seriosly where did you find her? If he's so awsome why doesn't she date him? lol sounds like she's daddys princess