Girlfriend to be won't move out from living with ex...

Question

okay, I understand this is a very complex situation but let me start with this...the girl I'm dating was married for three months to a guy. got deployed and got divorced the same month. met me halfway through deployment after divorce was already finalized. returned last month hoping to see her move out from the house her ex husband was still living in since at the time when they moved in together they were married...I really love this girl and would do anything for her. I told her I wouldn't give her an ultimatum, but every time she talks about moving out with her ex husband he pretty much hits her only nerve...pleasing people. I know its not the best quality, but this is about the only time I've seen it work to her disadvantage. If I tell her I want her to move out (which I have done before) she gets stressed out, because she wants me to be happy, and even tho I know 100% she has no feelings for her ex, she still wants him to be happy. She hits me with the "you have no idea how difficult this is" thing and honestly I don't...however when I press her too hard she tells me that we should stop seeing each other until she can give me what I want...I don't want that either! Even if I weren't in the picture I would wan her out of there...i mean how can anyone move on living with an ex as a roommate? anyhow, she feels that if I truly love her I will wait, but I also want to take advantage of whatever time we have, and feel like her slow speed of moving out is preventing a more intimate relationship from starting...what should I do guys?

DebiPie · Accepted Answer

I am sorry that this is happening to you. I know what you want to hear, but I can't tell you anything that will clear all of this up fast. Unfortunately, she has not ended her relationship with her ex-husband. It is just that simple. I do not know what she has told either of you, but she is basically holding you both hostage. Think of it in those terms, because until you decide to let go, that's what you are. "Her" hostage, just waiting on her, on her terms.

You already know what you need to do here, you are just having trouble doing it. If you really want to be with her, you have to tell her that you want to be with her but you are not going to be in this situation where you are dating a woman who is living with her ex-husband. Plain and simple. Do not give any ultimatum, you make your own decision here and let her make hers. It actually seems that she has done this already, my friend. She divorced him, but has chosen not to leave him. You do not know what goes on between two people in their own home, no matter what they tell you. Never. And if you think that they are just friends, well, that could be, may not be. You just have no way of knowing. That is the point.

You deserve to be in a relationship free of constraints of other people. So, tell her that is what you are doing. If and when she makes that decision for herself, and she leaves her ex, moves out & moves on, then she can call you. Then you need to stick with that. I emphasis the she moves out & moves on, as in stops seeing him all together.

I hope this helps you. Again, you deserve to have a loving woman who can commit to you. Good Luck.

omgwtflol · Accepted Answer

She is still living with her ex because she is a people pleaser? No, why divorce if she is still going to live with the guy. I hate to say this but if they are divorced and she still wants to live with him maybe she is trying to reconcile. Her excuse of getting stressed out is crap, I would stress way more if I still had to live with my ex and we were divorced. IMHO I think its an excuse to have her cake and eat it too. You're going to do what you want and I hope she woman's up and moves out if you really do want to be with her but it doesn't sound like she is serious.

sandygirl · Accepted Answer

dont wait for the things that so complicated..why she still think of happiness of her ex?because she still love or valued him ,people pleaser?that's not the valid ,there's other way to please others ,its just her reason so you won't get hurt because they love you both.

Remember:

if she love's you she must move out from the house of her ex,but still now she still with him

well,i don't have any idea..i know your really inlove with her

anyway,just observe her first if she really worth to your love

goodluck:)

Frostie · Accepted Answer

If she divorced a guy within 3 months of marriage, what makes you think she is dependable, or reliable in any way? I can see your situation,however, I wouldn't put my faith or trust in someone like that. You are bound to get the same thing some where down the road, and it won't be a good situation to be in. I don't know how long you and this girl have been together, but from the sounds of it, maybe less than a couple months. Maybe you heard her side of the story,and you think you're helping her, or maybe its something else. But there's always more sides to the story than one may think, and I wouldn't always take the woman's side of the story to the word,without seeing it with my own eyes. E.G "He hit me" - Pic or it didn't happen,or even better, I'd rather see it. Breaking a vow is a serious thing to do, maybe not in today's society, but if you can't keep a promise for more than a few months, and the guy is getting deployed, it really says a lot about her character. But I'm speculating due to lack of details.

Konnour · Accepted Answer

She is not your girlfriend. You're her rebound.

She's living with another guy! C'mon - don't believe her bullsh*t excuses like: "You have no idea how difficult/complex is it" - in female language it means "shut the f*** up"

If she would want to leave that guy and want to go to you - she would do that without hesitation.

Isn't that so?

Stacyzee · Answer

I really do think you should leave her. Let her know you still care. Wait for her (but keep your options open). She doesn't seem to really know what she wants to do. You can wait but not forever. Sticking by her will only make things more complicated than they really are.

Frostie · Answer

@anon aka "nubianstarr"  *I know its her because of her blocking me* She has a big chip on her shoulder. Either way, I find it hilarious she thinks black women should be dated instead because of some trait she thinks they possess. Either way who said she was 'white'? Lol you're making a lot of assumptions.

Anonymous · Answer

Dump her! Dude, if she cared about you, she wouldn't be living with her ex, would she? Leave!

misschanandlerbong · Answer

I was gonna go with "so she still lives with her ex husband so what" bu  I have to agree, it does sound like she's bullsh*tting you.

Xx_DRE_xX · Answer

Honestly I think she does need to be given that Ultimaum. It seems like she doesn't really understand how that's crippling the relationshp.

youllthinkofme · Answer

It's an unhealthy situation to be in. Who knows if she wil ever leave this guy? Imagine how long you could be waiting...

Vector · Answer

too bad my friend. you have to kick her and her ex guy's ass immediately. find another girl you can be happy with. trust me...

crazybastard · Answer

its so tempting to rephrase it into "girlfriend not to be"

Anonymous · Answer

sould've dated a black girl

Girlfriend to be won't move out from living with ex...

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She can't choose between me and her ex… what can I do?

Girlfriend to be won't move out from living with ex...

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She can't choose between me and her ex… what can I do?

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