Why does my girlfriend hurt me/not care about my feelings?

[daniel1111]

Well, it's a long story, I have been with my girlfriend for some time, I really love her like no one before. She, overall is all that I would wish for as a person,there's just one thing I really dislike or don't know how to deal with. Since we first me and started dating, we rarely saw each other. Maybe once every two weeks for a couple of hours. I'm in my final university year and running my own business, she's working in the tourism industry as sales person. So it's not that I wouldn't be busy, but I would still always find a way to make time for her. She on the other hand never wants to make time for me, always something "important comes up". I mean running my own business, I know how much work you can have on a job (I'm owning a restaurant) but seriously, wouldn't you be able to take a break every now and then? I know she is very diligent, very dedicated and ambitious, I love her for that, but it seems to come at our relationships expense. Well, I always got promises of her that after this and that day we could meet more often, so far she broke her promises, I forgave her. Then we were planning a trip for the last two month to finally spend some quality time together. The trip was planned for today. So I got us tickets, a nice hotel, I even arranged her travel documents at my time and expense. Recapitulating the last two month, I have seen her 4 times, in total not even a full day. Naturally I was missing her like crazy, I told her so, her answer was, I miss you too, but you should learn to handle that feeling. That made me sad. She promised me several times during these two month to see me more after a certain date, never happened. But I kept telling myself, that we were gonna take this trip and it would be fine, I was so looking forward to it. Long story short, I'm sitting here at the airport, typing this, alone. Her boss wanted her to work even though she asked the day off 4 weeks in advance and got it granted. She worked the last month straight, not a single day off 70 hours a week. Instead of telling her boss and taking off anyways, which is her right, she decides against me, as always. Out of fear being put on some blacklist by her boss. Damn, I'm ambitious, in 21, studying, doing a second distance education,founded my own business and I would still put her in the first place when making decisions. This really broke my heart, and I feel like I can't forgive her. She told me that yesterday morning,too late to rebook anything. Of course besides of me feeling like sh*t I also blew a couple 100 bucks. So I got pissed and confronted her, what the hell she was thinking. She came up with stuff like I'm so sorry, don't be mad, I need u, I love you and so on. Thing is, if she loves me why does she break my heart and doesn't just show? I often asked myself if she's playing games, but she seems serious when we are together. She introduced me to her family. Actually we were to meet them next week but I don't know if I should go.Can I have some advice please?

[Loyaly_Ignored]

Wow. This sounds exactly like what just happened to me. Literally, not even 5 days ago, it was this last Monday evening. I say end it before she can hurt you. My girlfriend told me she no longer had feelings for me the day I thought we would be finally setting up a nice weekend get away. The first day after that sucked and I was sad, upset, trying to figure out what to do. By the end of the second day, I called her back, talked out everything with her, and then was fine. I realized that I hadn't ever really been a priority for her. Mine seemed serious all the way until this surprise break-up. The last time I saw her I actually spent the night with her after going to her sister's birthday party with her. It sucks, but aside from what sounds like empty excuses, we have the same story. The amount of work that people like us put in that gets no requital until a breaking point like this is unfair and will ultimately make you depressed and question what is really going on with her. Sorry man, I literally know what you are going through and it sucks.

[HardAppleCider]

Her barely seeing you does suck. Are you two so far away that you can't spend nights together? If not, can one of you relocate (move closer at least) so that you can spend nights together?

I know that this trip thing really sucks, but this isn't on her. This is on her boss. You simply don't tell your boss "sorry I'm not working" when he/she tells you to work if you want to keep your job. Hopefully her boss has a good reason, but even if he doesn't it's still OK to be pissed at him/her for this.

[daniel1111]

Hi, actually we live not far away so she of course could come over and so could I. But she never does, saying she's busy. So ironically it feels like a long distance relationship. About her boss, I disagree. I actually had the balls to tell my boss exactly that cause I got it granted before and he understood. Now running my own business I'm also always approachable for my employees and if I grant them free time, they get it no matter what. Even if it turns to a problem for me.

[HardAppleCider]

See, the thing is... sleeping next to each-other takes a very small amount of time. You can't be too busy to sleep next to somebody really. I used to have a 30 min commute to work and would frequently work close one night and open the next morning (leaving exactly 9 hours between shifts); I still slept next to the woman I was dating at the time. We still appreciated each-other's company, even though we never got frisky on those nights. Sleeping next to her meant she was on my mind and [...]

[HardAppleCider]

[...] I can't remember how many times we made plans in those brief moments together, us going to sleep cuddling or as I was getting ready for work the next morning.

I understand not wanting to if you are just friends that are seeing each-other, but as boyfriend and girlfriend you think she'd want you sleeping next to her.

[HardAppleCider]

And seriously, let the boss thing go. Her situation is different. I've worked for people that I would (in hindsight) feel comfortable pretty much demanding time off from, and I've worked for people that I wouldn't. As a boss, this all depends on the person that is demanding the time. If they slack off I'll hold it against them and watch them closely until they get themselves fired (yes I said that correctly). If they do the job well I'll cut them some slack.

[LJHam]

When you find yourself in a relationship where you are giving more than the other person, the relationship is no longer worthwhile for you. I use the analogy of giving $5s but only getting $1s in return. When this imbalance becomes the norm then you are being used.

Yes, she may say a lot of nice, sweet things when you're together, or when you talk on the phone, but words are empty if the actions aren't there to support them. They can talk the talk, but they don't walk the walk.

You have invested way more into this relationship than she has. Question is, how long are you willing to do this? She's not going to change her ways. The only person you can change is yourself.

[JustChris]

I totally agree.

[PoohBear96]

True

[LiddowCupiid]

I am not going to read all of that but women will treat you the way you let them same like women get treated how they let men do them. Flip that shxt and be a guy and act like you not tripping off her. She will panic.

[carlo]

lol don't know if this is true but it surely looks as if it. I mean it a compliment, I'm not so experienced with girls to say this or that, but it rings as good advice. how do you know she will panic?

[LiddowCupiid]

Because I see it happen all the time.I've even tried but I didn't have the heart to do it. The guy would have very much deserved it but I still couldn't do it. And 2 of my exs tried to do it to me which they were idiots for thinking I was naive when I only put into the relationship what I got out of it which was not much of anything. Both sides do it but when they lose control they try and figure out a way to get back in control until they see they can't anymore. Typical thing.

[LiddowCupiid]

@daniel1111 I'm sorry this is the case for you because you seem like a nice guy and stay that way just don't be an idiot in love. She doesn't deserve you. No woman who loves you wants to take from you. She would want to help you and appreciate what you are doing. She seems to careless about the time and money you spend and acts as if its nothing. Be wise hunn

[justin1721]

I would say it's time to move on. With the both of you being extremely busy, and her not willing to put you first at any point is a sign that this relationship isn't going anywhere. I get that it will be difficult because you do have feelings for her, but it is not worth all the BS. Not showing up for a trip that had been planned for a month is unforgivable. She chose work over you, and will continue to do that as long as the two of you are together.

[toouglytobeloved]

maybe she's cheating on you either way dump her ASAP and get another girl that wants you

[koalayes]

Maybe she's one lesbian.

She needs you there, of course. hehe...

Good luck, guy.

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