How do you get a shy guy to make a move when you're shy too?

[Anonymous]

According to everyone I've talked to about this, my crush probably likes me but is too shy to make a move. It's really obvious that I like him, even if he is clueless about this stuff, it's really quite obvious, but for some reason he's still too shy to even come up to me and just talk? I'm too shy to make a move. I was the one to initiate our first conversation, but now I'm too nervous to do it again because he's pretty much always with his friends. Plus I'm not 100% sure if he likes me or not, so I don't want to be let down. How can I get him to at least come up to me and talk to me so we can become friends? Right now we're more like acquaintances that stare at each other a lot :/

[AnonGuy]

"It's really obvious that I like him, even if he is clueless about this stuff, it's really quite obvious... Plus I'm not 100% sure if he likes me or not, so I don't want to be let down."

Replace every "him" and "he" in this quote with "her" and "she", and this is exactly what is going through his mind.

What makes you say that it's obvious to him that you like him?

[Asker]

I guess, but I show more signs of liking him than he does to me. I'm always near where him & his friends hang out, we always look at each other so he knows I look at him, my friends look at him when I'm with him & nearby, a mutual friend of ours mentioned me to him & was like, "She's really pretty huhn?" & then when he said "yeah she is" she told him to go talk to me & get to know me. & another time she told him to go be my partner for our sport, & then later went to talk to him about me again.

[AnonGuy]

That's not even nearly enough for him to be sure that you like him. It's only obvious to YOU. That's not even close to enough to make a shy guy more brave to talk to you... but it's a start! :)

One thing is for certain. Assuming he likes you, if he were 100% sure that you liked him, he WOULD talk to you. So, either he doesn't like you or he's not 100% sure that you like him. And it sounds to me like he likes you.

Just have one of your friends tell him that you like him, very directly.

[Asker]

Everyone I've talked to about this, including a couple guys, said that he probably knows I like him. I didn't realize that it wasn't obvious to a guy. Haha thanks!

[AnonGuy]

Shy guys are extremely afraid of rejection. Just think of yourself. Everything that's going through your mind is going through his as well. He's horrified of rejection

Just have one of your friends say, "my friend really likes you. She wished you would talk to her. Do you like her too?"

He'll either be like, "yea" or "I don't know..."

Then, your friend just replies, "just go talk to her. Say anything. She's nice and she likes you. She wished you would talk to her."

He'll talk to you.

[Asker]

He's not that shy. I'm a generally shy person, but he doesn't seem that shy. He doesn't seem outgoing, but he has a lot of friends and is less shy with other girls but me. And thanks so much, this really helps.

[AnonGuy]

He's less shy with other girls because he doesn't like them, so he's not afraid of rejection with them!

He definitely sounds shy to me! Shy doesn't mean that he only has a few friends or has trouble speaking to women. It just means he has trouble approaching approaching unknown people and starting new relationships.

[TheDigitalSaint]

link

Read that guide I wrote and linked to above.

Understand that there are proactive steps you can take to be less shy to the point of being open to approaching, and being approached in a way that will take the interaction forward.

Read through the entire guide, and let me know if there are any particular areas you need to work on for yourself.

[Asker]

Thanks! It's mostly just fear of rejection. I'm getting better with my shyness, and I do have the problem of over thinking like you wrote in the article, but it's mostly I'm just afraid to talk to him 1st AGAIN because I don't want to seem weird or annoying and I'm just afraid of messing everything up. Last year I got the nerve to tell my crush I like him, and it was awkward and ended badly, and I really like this guy and don't want the same thing to happen. I just want him to at least TALK to me.

[TheDigitalSaint]

My friend, there is nothing left to do but to talk again. There's nothing wrong with starting the conversation. Just because it didn't work out last time with a different guy doesn't mean it can't have a different outcome this time. Dating is about numbers. There's some trials and some failures. Each failure gets you closer to a success. Lets hope next time you make the move on this guy it is your lucky day. The friends already see that you're into him. Go for it!

[Asker]

I'll try my best, thanks for the help!

[TheDigitalSaint]

You've done it once before, you can do it again and will. :)

[posted]

You make the move. If you can't do it how in the hell are you going to make him?

Girls are so much more picky than guys, so why should they have to ask you?

But in this situation it's ask him or just regret it.

[Asker]

Well he's less shy than me, and I don't care if he makes a huge move, but anything like just talking to me works too, which I already did with him first. I've told a guy I like him before, and it was really awkward and ended horribly, and I don't want to tell him I like him because I actually really like this guy and don't want to mess things up. I just want him to say something to me instead of just staring at me.