How can I get a shy guy I like to finally make a move?

[Anonymous]

there's a guy i find attractive but he seems shy. We talked couple of times and i caught him staring at me but i dont if he will make a move. What to do and how to make him to do something

[thegreenyogi]

Smile at him whenever you can and say hi every chance you get. Eventually he will feel comfortable enough to approach. I know from experience. There is this guy that works at the local supermarket I've been going to for years and until recently he would appear wherever I was at the supermarket, he'd give me stares but never approach. It was only until I started smiling and saying hi to him that he relaxed and now everytime I go there he makes sure he always serves me and gives me a wink every single time. Hope it helps.

[apq8055]

If he seems shy, this probably won't work half the time. Usually saying hi helps though.

[thegreenyogi]

Thank you if it was you and not AI.

[Lliam]

If he's shy and/or inexperienced, he probably doesn't know how to make a move. So it's up to you to initiate.

When I was 16, that's what my first girlfriend did.
Even later in life, I behaved like a gentleman on first dates. I walked one lady to her door, she stood on the top step, turned and gazed up into my eyes, then placed her hands gently on top of my shoulders, rose up on her tip toes and pressed against me. My hands went to her waist and she gave me a lingering kiss. No tongue. Her lips were so tender and her breath was so sweet that my head felt fuzzy. And there was no question that she was into me.
We continued to date and wound up living together for two years.

After my first date with my future wife, I walked her to her car behind the restaurant and she did the same thing.

Sometimes a guy needs a green light so that he knows it's okay to proceed.

[HawkPerception]

It's very simple. If they're shy, then you'll have to initiate. If you're shy, they'll have to initiate. If you're interested, just approach him and stop assuming the guy is the one who has to make the first move.

[Rei13]

If he is shy you’re probably going to have to approach him and initiate more in the beginning. He’ll get more comfortable and with a little luck maybe he’ll ask you out

[Finchie40]

If he is shy, then you are best to make the first move if you really like him , otherwise you will be waiting a long ass time lol

[Summeroflove]

You can’t make him do anything. Either ask him out or wait until he moves on

[OlderAndWiser]

How old are you, how old is he, and in what circumstances do you have contact with him?

[DuSith]

Honestly? If you like him, why don't you make the first move?

I say this as a shy one who had trouble making the first move. Why was simple. I had tried in the past and I had been rejected. I started to think it was me, so I stopped asking. Actually, I still don't ask but then, at my age, it's creepy. I assume any "flirt" is being nice/polite and ignore it.

So, you move. Play it down, of course. Don't ask for a date, but maybe talking some time over a common interest. The word date may spook him. If you're really unlucky, and he likes you, it is even easier to spook him. We've all seen movies or something where a pretty girl sets a boy up so he looks foolish. If not, well, it did happen. In fact, I think it still does. Especially if the boy is different, or thinks he is. Even today, bullying happens and scars.

Also, TALK. I know this sounds stupid, but there are miscommunication errors even in the most blunt of situations. Assuming the Lordosis position is usually clear, but the WHY isn't. Also, why he refused to accept can be confusing. So, talk.

[ChasingSophie]

Honestly, from someone who has spent a truly embarrassing amount of time waiting for shy guys to "finally do something" -- just make the move yourself. Tell him you want to grab coffee or whatever. Shy guys who are interested will almost always say yes when someone makes it easy for them. The staring is a good sign, but waiting around for him to work up the nerve could take forever.

I know there's this whole thing about wanting him to initiate so you know he's keen, but in my experience that logic has cost me a lot of time and a lot of unnecessary overthinking. If he's into you, he'll be relieved you said something. If he's not, you find out fast and move on.

[CriminallyInsane]

You're allowed to go up to him if you want. It's a lot less dumb than whatever game you have to invent to bait him into talking to you. Just go talk to him yourself.

[HollyK21]

Very true🙏

[Screenwriter]

Don't rely on him. Ask him for coffee and see how he responds. If it's a "No," then maybe you've misread him. If it's a "Yes," just keep it up. Asking may be up to you. As long as the answers are "yes," you're on the right track. Good Luck.

[abc3643]

You need to clearly and unambiguously get across the message that you are available. You don't have to say to him "Hey, I am single." but, instead, make an off-handed comment that you are available. I don't have the time and I'm on my phone right now so I can't really elaborate at this point, maybe later, but the damsel in distress method often works here. I will try and elaborate later.

[abc3643]

OK, this is going to take a while and I am going to have to split this up...

Look, a "shy guy" is really just an insecure guy about women...

Generally, guys hate failing because each failure is something that erodes his confidence and self-assuredness. And rejection by women is arguably the worst form of that.

So, guys usually make the move if they believe that they have a reasonable chance at succeeding.

Chances are this particular guy doesn't know what your relationship status is. Not knowing, he has no reasonable belief that he will succeed. Furthermore, think about it: If he is attracted to you he is also thinking he is not alone and that other guys will also find you attractive. Thus, he thinks he has competition or, without any knowledge of your relationship status, he will assume that you are unavailable. This is why it is imperative that you need to somehow get the message to him that you are available.

Let me teach you a way to do that but this example will be sort of different...

If I want to find out if a woman is single, I might ask her some questions and then verbally make the assumption that she has a man. For instance:
ME: "So, are you following the Super Bowl?"
HER: "Yes."
ME: "Who are you rooting for to win?"
HER: She answers.
ME: "Who is your boyfriend rooting for?"
HER: ...
Well, if she says "He's for... ", then she's taken.
If she says "Oh, I am single" or something similar, then you know she's available.

See how that works? I get her to reveal to me her status without directly asking her about it or even revealing an interest in her.

(more)

[abc3643]

OK, so, the other technique I mentioned earlier is the "Damsel In Distress Method". I actually used it 36 years ago to get a girlfriend and it worked.

Males are predisposed to assist females in distress, but, if he's into you, he has extra motivation. Now, this shy guy in this situation will definitely help you especially if you already know he is interested in you.

The method is basically this:
1. You feign some problem that you have (or maybe the problem really exists).
2. You need some help or advice... from him.
3. You ask him what he thinks or, better, ask him to help you and that you will make it worth his while. For instance, make him dinner as a reward for helping you.
4. Whatever the "problem" is, make sure it involves you two being together and, preferably alone. His being with you to solve it is actually a clandestine date from your perspective. He just doesn't realize it yet.
5. You may give him his reward for helping you now or later, but what's important is to do it in a way that you two or essentially alone... you can be in public, but this is not within a group.
6. What you are doing here is making him be more comfortable around you in a one-on-one setting and he will likely discover or suspect that you do not have a man. (After all, the shy guy thinks "Why didn't your man help you? Why did you ask me?") Both of these will boost comfort around you and his belief that he has a chance to succeed with you.

(more)

[abc3643]

Here are 3 examples of when this worked...

1. In 1980, my first girlfriend was actually a friend of mine and she asked for my help to tutor her in physics. I don't know if she was using the Damsel In Distress Method, but she really didn't need my help. One day, I was over her place and wanted to thank her for giving me an orange so I leaned in for a thank you kiss on her cheek and the next thing I know, this girl's tongue is in my mouth. It was fabulous! She said to me after that "It's about time!" I was the shy guy...

2. In 1990, I used the Damsel In Distress Method. I became intensely interested in this beautiful girl who was a recent acquaintance of mine due to a mutual friend. She sat with me one day at our college and I really got to know her and that's what sparked my interest. I didn't know if she was available - I didn't think so because our school was a real sausage party and she was too beautiful to be unavailable. Anyway, I had learned that she knew about the C programming language and I genuinely did want and/or need to know about it. So, I was going to make her an offer: If she would give me help on C programming, I would take her out to dinner anywhere she wanted. A few days later, we became a couple.

(more)

[abc3643]

3. In the sitcom "Everybody Loves Raymond", the episode "How They Met" is a classic example of Debra using the Damsel In Distress Method to get Ray to be alone with her and get him to be her boyfriend. It's really wonderful. If you have Paramount+, watch it. In short, Debra buys a futon and Ray and his friend Gianni are futon delivery men. Ray is a doofus, but a nice guy. He happened to accidently see Debra naked right after delivering and assembling the futon. She goes over to his house and says that there's still a problem with the futon. He comes over. There's nothing wrong with the futon... She's making dinner. She asks him if he wants any - she's making dinner for two. He wonders if the other guy was going to show up. Debra said "He showed up."... that "He" being Ray.

(end)

[molonski2]

With guys like this , literally just " toss it in their face " or he will NEVER make a move , give him acts that make everything obvious

Are you ever going to ask for my number? ( haha playfully ) , restaurants , coffee places.. just make it happen , a secret anonymous gift 🎁..

So many options , all this will help his confidence and hopefully " grow a pair ' .

[MittParekh15]

Just spend sometime with him being friend

As you like him , you should be okay he starring you , make him feel comfortable then wait for the right moment either he or you will make the right move

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

"We talked couple of times"

Make it happen many more times than that, shyness doesn't do well with pressure or speed generally.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Taking things slowly also ensures that it truly is shyness and not bottled up rigidity you're facing. Because the latter option eventually breaks apart causing a lot of psychological damage around.

[Alex-Snow]

You may have to make the first move and there is nothing wrong with that. Maybe start following him on socials or see if he will follow you? How old is he? Maybe he is just new to dating, relationships or sex. Ur thoughts?

[Hunter-40m]

Sending hım some signals indicating your interest in hım and encouraging hım a little bit by taking baby steps inviting hım to drink something maybe a good start for an ice breaker

[MysticDevice]

If you're dead set in HIM making the move then you'll have to act and make it painfully obvious that you're interested in him.

Otherwise you can make the first move too.

[MrChinaski]

Errr... ask him out?

It's not rocket science. Heck, even rocket science is not rocket science anymore.

[Smegskull]

You don't. Stop trying to manipulate other people into doing what you want.

If he wants to be the one to make a move, he'll make a move.
If he sees you as worth taking the risk, he'll take the risk.

[slatyb]

"I see you looking at me. Why haven't you asked me out?"

[Sunnyrjs]

If you like him, why not try to make a move yourself, sometimes men like confident women, at least i do

[Anonymous]

You do something. He might be too shy to do anything, or he might take too long to build the courage.

[Texaskid1]

The shy guy will never make a move in 10,000 years. You are going to have to do it.

[Xawyx-2]

You should take initiative, shy guys like girls who are self-confident.

[Still-alive]

just approach him yourself. c'mon put the big girl panties on lol.

[Anonymous]

How bout you do the progressive thing and make a move your self. Good god lady it's not always the man's job to do that.

[msc545]

If you want something to happen, make it happen yourself. Make your own move; you can do it.

[Abbycado]

Why not make a move yourself?

[DonaldDarko]

You make the move before some other girl does it.

[dudeinohio]

You could always make a move.

[LiamJHayden]

You might have to make the move.

[Anonymous]

Why dont u do something

[karlaatsd]

Just talk with him more

[ABC1x1x]

You can't. Make your move or move on.

[In_Trance]

You can't.

You make the move

[Anonymous]

You make the first move

[Pterodon]

Ask him out yourself

[razaul1318]

Good job