How can I not let my gf's depression ruin our relationship? Help!

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend and I of 2 years have had some ups and downs during our time together. Mostly to blame is her depression. Every 4-6 months she goes through an episode and shuts me out, pushes me away, and makes me feel like I am in limbo. Since she told me she suffers from depression and anxiety I have spent countless hours researching both topics, seeing what I could do as a partner to make her pain bearable at the very least.

Last week, my girlfriend and I were discussing moving in together, what we wanted to name our kids and dogs, by the weekend she was telling me she needs space, she doesn't know why I want to be with her, doesn't get what I get from our relationship. It's hard for me to take it personally or it is her depression lingering around. In her defense she was given some pretty grim news about a close family member, leading her to question life, also she is extremely upset over her career choice and the fact that she is nearing 30 having to go back to school with 18-20 year olds. I tell her not to worry about that and to focus on the good in her life. Since our space I emailed her and we had a few light convo's all basically her saying that, ":( You're too good to me".

Now, I love her. I love her more than anything. I have told her numerous times my feet are firmly planted next to hers. However, I am so lost at what to do. It hurts me to sit her knowing she's going through an episode. It hurts me knowing that she has to live with this. I've thought numerous times that she is the one for me. I believe in signs and there have been an abundant of them affirming that to me. Please help me anyone.

Thank you,

Broken-hearted man

[madhatters4]

been in your situation. mine didn't end well.

does she seek treatment for her depression? therapy, anti-depressants, etc?

unfortunately there isn't always something we can do to help people who suffer from depression. like you said it sounds like some events have triggered her depression so she is going through an episode.

I wouldn't honestly just try and get her to work with a therapist. they obviously have an expertise in the field and can prescribe both medicine and non-medicinal methods for coping and managing the depression.

[Asker]

Yeah, I have tried. I've been around depression my whole life. My father suffers from it and so does my girlfriend. I've read numerous articles and know the signs and what to do. I just don't know how to get her to see that she needs to see a psychologist and/or psychiatrist. This current episode is brought on by the impending death of a family member, school, lack of clarity. I've been me, loving, caring, doting, and supportive. Never once making her feel poorly due to her depression, just loving her

[madhatters4]

often times it just doesn't matter what we do. many depressions are malleable simply by behaving a certain way around the sufferer. if it is really getting bad or shows no signs of turning around a 3rd party (therapist) is necessary. When I tried to get my girlfriend who suffered with bi-polar I just told her I want to see you happy and I feel like a therapist may help. Would you just give it a shot and see how it goes?

[Anonymous]

You are a good man. As someone with depression and anxiety I would love to find someone like you. I can say that in the past when I have pushed people away it is because I am so terrified that they don't actually care or that I've hurt them and don't want to anymore. It sounds like you have already have reassured her that you love and care about her, but maybe more wouldn't hurt. She should definitely talk to a psychiatrist and get on some medication though, I know when I am off my anti depressants I cry all the time, they really help.

[snowangle]

My best friend is also depressed and it breaks my heart, It sounds like you handle things well when she has an episode. Just being there for her and reassuring her is doing wonders for her. If anything, maybe she should see a counselor... it's helped my best friend immensely. She may benefit from some medication as well. Other than that, just keep doing what you're doing.

[Asker]

I've brought up seeing a psychiatrist she doesn't feel medications help all that much. I told her that when she was on them for about 4-5 months that her episodes weren't so intense that she was more clear in thought. I try, I really do. She's my everything but it's just hurting me a lot now

[Anonymous]

When she has a episode, how do you react? And how does she answer to your reactions?

[Asker]

Well generally their are signs. She becomes short in conversation, agitated by things that normally she'd laugh at, and very sullen in nature. I normally ask her how she is feeling and if she needs a breather.If she says yes I do so for a day or two and just text her a reassuring that I love her and how much she means to me. This time she has been increasingly more bitter in nature and for the 1st time in 2 years called me annoying/clingy. In my heart she's me soul mate, it hurts though.