Should I bother to help my ex girlfriend? She's lost herself after the breakup and her mental health is really bad?

[Anonymous]

I (25M) broke up with my Ex (22F) of 7 months last week. I haven't moved on completely, and still think about her a few times a day, but I'd say I'm quite over her and would never entertain the idea of trying it out again, because I initiated the break up and had already lost feelings couple weeks ago due to lack of effort from her and refusal to improve. I've been feeling very good and have been able to channel my emotions into productivity, and used my newfound free time to connect with friends and family. She's breaking down everyday, and texting me that she misses me, she wants another chance, she's sorry. Initially I provided her with support, saying the usual "Everything will be ok, you'll find another guy etc.". Then I found out she was on a dating app looking for hook ups. If I'm being honest, her dating profile made me feel so much disgust. I confronted her about it and told her to stop using me for emotional support while she sleeps around with so many men. She responded by saying she just feel so lost without me. Should I bother trying to help her? Maybe I should reach out just to ask why she's destroying herself like that? I feel partly responsible because I did A LOT for her while we were dating, so the void I left in her life must be huge, which is why she's doing whatever she's doing. But at the same time, I don't see what's in it for me to help her out. I do want to friends with her after we've both moved on, and I still care about her as a friend. What do you think?

[Anonymous]

This is a little weird for me.

My girlfriend broke up with me about 6-8 months back (8 months to be very specific). I never got any proper reason why. She was my closest friend and the only person I talked to. The breakup was not what messed things up in my life. Her behaviour towards me started changing and that kinda hurt. She used to ignore me and pay more attention to others. And avoided confrontations. And ultimately we stopped talking. She said she stopped talking to not make things bitter between us. And that very thing made things bitter between us. I lost my dearest friend. And I still haven't been able to shake it off. Things have taken a turn for the worse and it has started affecting my health now. I am losing sleep. I get frequent nightmares and panic attacks and rarely have a sound sleep. I get anxious when using social media (expecting to see her stories and life updates, which might make me even more sad... the one person I cared about the most doesn't even care about me). I couldn't block her - I can't. I can't hate the person who meant the world to me. So I started detaching from those social media. I quit all those social media where she is active. And now I'm just trying my best to forget her. But that doesn't seem to help. There's hasn't been a single day that her thought hasn't crossed my mind. Not a single day.

That being said, to answer your question - even if she comes back and my friendship is restored (there's no point in the relationship), it won't make things any better for me. It won't change the grief I feel nor will it answer any unanswered questions. So whether you go back to her to comfort her or not, it won't make any difference. It depends on how important she is to you.

[OlderAndWiser]

If you are that concerned, talk to her parents or a sibling and express your concerns. You need to put this girl in your rear view mirror. How is the next girlfriend going to handle you remaining friends with the girl who is your previous sexual partner and who tries to manipulate you?

[Emelina]

Let your ex-girlfriend morn for the relationship that is broken on her own. That's what dating is all about, if it works it works, if not then it doesn't work and that's totally ok... if one isn't happy then why live with someone that you're going to missarable everyday. Let her figure out on how she wants to coop with the break up, it's not your responsibility to do that for her. Block her and then you will not feel so guilty for ending the relationship. I did that with my ex husband as he did everything for me and kept saying everything will be ok but we will never be together again... and that bother me to no end, but I learned on how to move forward and not backwards, it took me a long time but I got through it and I am still alive and now dating other guys, but now I know how to handle a break up and I am ok with it. Hope you get through it, and things gets better for you and your ex- girlfriend; let her go. Cheers

[Emelina]

Thanks for the MHG 🙂

[Justmeagain1]

Look I don’t know the full story but there is a lot of animosity there from you and whilst this is to be expected with what you have experienced and explained I think that you need to possibly text her the numbers to a help line for mental health and for other support places , if you must say your piece - tell her you wish her well, thank her for the time you spend together (so she doesn’t get hung up on “I meant nothing “ train) and that you hope she gets the help she deserves and needs and then block her on every point of contact. This is co dependency rearing it’s ugly head and often this is more deep seated then just the loss that you have advised for her.

[Anonymous]

i get what you're saying but... it's not your problem anymore. you cannot fix her. you cannot help her or support her. it's not like you two were together for 7 years. 7 months isn't that bad. she has some real issues she needs to sort through. you were starting to feel happy so don't let her drag you down.

[KrakenAttackin]

FUCK NO. She will use, abuse, and project all the shit from her bad judgement on to you! Do not do it, do not be a Captain-Save-A-Hoe, there is no future in this. Also, this could be very dangerous for you if she deludes herself into making a false accusation against you. Just waking away.

[WhitneySnow]

Help her because she’s still your friend, but make it clear that you don’t want to get back together with her.

[Nikki1989]

If you think you can help her, then you should.

[Anonymous]

7 months is literally nothing. Let her go fuck up her life. She will learn when she's completely broken down. You shouldn't go down with her. Go live your life

[Spongebobssocks]

No leave her alone to heal. Its not your job. You staying will just make her more attached

[Rockstarrrrr]

I don't think she's worth the effort... you don't really mean much to her and she's just using and emotionally blackmailing you...

[Blueeyes81]

she's a grown ass woman that needs to figure things out on her own. You're not Jesus so stop trying to save her.

[Anonymous]

no , a clean break is best. Stop texting her and stop checking out her social media. She can go nuts and fuck her way out of her feelings if she wants too. Its not your problem.

[dudeinohio]

No. You need to break off all. communication with her and move on.

[OddBeMe]

It’d be nice if you could help keep her sanity. If your schedule allows it…

[msc545]

Stay away from her - she will be a huge problem for you and you owe her nothing.

[noohair]

The only person that you have any chance of fixing is yourself.

[Spade_01]

Let. Her. Be.

[Anonymous]

Encourage her to see a doctor.

[In_Trance]

nope