Problems with girlfriend hanging out with another guy?

[Jadenday]

Ok so it started when she accidently forgot to log off her Facebook and when I happen to get on the other day I was curious and looked at her inbox messages. When I was looking through them I found out that she was flirting with another guy behind my back (we where 4 months into our relationship) what bothered me is that when the guy asked her who would she f*** she said her ex boyfriend, but anyways this guy goes to the same school as I am and like they seem close and stuff so it bothered me... I told my girlfriend that it bothers me that she talks to him and is physical with him than other guy friends. she told me that she liked him but I don't know if it was as a friend or not. so like one day she told me she was going to stay after school for a art club thing to see if it was fun but she seemed to be in a rush plus she said she was going alone(which I thought was un-usual for her to do) when I was heading out I bumped into that guy and asked him what he's doing and he said he was staying after for this art club thing so I figured they set it up without telling me... I don't know what to do so my heart became really hurt. I told my girlfriend why she didn't tell me she said that she had no knowledge of him showing up (I think she lied) so we where arguing about it and stuff later on in the conversations she said that she was going to hangout with him... do you think its right to do such a thing then say she's going to hangout with him? what should I do about this guy? I don't like him around her and I tell her that I don't like it but she acts like a doll that says everything I say which I don't like...so I was like whatever do what you want...so she still continues to talk to him he texts him more often then she does with me (form the looks of it) ...do you think she might cheat? so far she claims she loves me and that she won't ever do that...i don't know what to do...please help?

Updates

+1 y

oh and like when she says she's staying after she acts like she's in a rush and stuff...but when I stay after I always wait and escort her to her bus before I go to a club...

[cajoi]

I would say that your girlfriend is definitely not to be trusted if she's been conversing with this guy behind your back and continues to do so AND hang out with him when you've repeatedly asked her not to. YOU are her boyfriend. YOU are the one that she supposedly loves, therefore, YOUR feelings should come first--not her "friend's".

It sounds like she might have feelings for this guy and just doesn't have the guts to own up to it, or that this is some kind of experiment on her part to play you both against each other. Some women love to do this because it makes them feel pretty, wanted, and powerful. Sad, but true.

My boyfriend and I have a long standing rule when it comes to hanging out with members of the opposite gender that you might want to use in future relationships:

1) We never hang out with members of the opposite gender without first running it by each other.

2) Hanging out alone with a "new" friend who is a member of the opposite gender is a no go unless we are both present. For example, my boyfriend works in a bar and he gets frequent offers to hang out all the time from his fellow female employees and the female patrons as well. Whenever they offer, he says, "Sure. We can hang out as long as my girlfriend can come."

I do the same with guys my boyfriend isn't familiar with. Hang out? Sure. As long as my boyfriend can be there. This is a really good way to separate people who are just interested in getting a piece from people who are genuinely interested in being friends.

3) Hanging out with old girl/guy friends (people that we've known for years) is fine provided that the other person is okay with it.

See what I'm getting at here? One of the keys to making a relationship work is knowing where the boundaries are--especially when it comes to stuff like this. If you know that you're not comfortable with your girlfriend hanging out with another guy WITHOUT you, then you have every right to make that known. If she values your relationship, then she'll take a step back and think about why you feel the way that you do and together you can come up with a solution.

Since she's not willing to do that, she doesn't sound like she's worth your time or really, worth the ultimatum at this point. If she's progressed to talking sexually with this guy behind your back, I'd say there's a good chance that she's a) already emotionally cheating and b) working up to physically cheating---if she hasn't already.

My advice: Get Rid of Her. YOU can do better.

[Anonymous]

Hey, don't put up with her. I think she's one of those women who constantly need men's attention to feel good. She might not even like him, but she certainly likes how he makes her feel. Regardless, for saying she didn't know whether she liked him as a friend or more means that he disrespects you and does not see you in her eyes. I think she's up to cheating.

I think you should give it some time and see if it stops. Do what you feel will be the best for you. Love is supposed to be an amazing feeling, so if you're feeling uncomfortable and hurt, this might not be what you are looking for in the long run.

[Opinion Owner]

@ update you're very sweet, though if it were me I'd sometimes also like to accompany you to the club.

[Misty_04]

Your behavior is pushing her further away. Get to know this guy.

[Jadenday]

thats exactly what I did. hell I tried to become friends with him and went over to his house to hang. he's OK but I just don't trust him considering he's single and stuff

[Misty_04]

Well then, either sit her down and discuss this with her again, except it and trust her or break it off.

[Anonymous]

she's a liar. I dealt with that kind of attention whore believe me, you wouldn't believe how they can lie to your face and you can't tell. They are manipulating sluts. Don't believe her "I love you" crap. She's clearly thinking about cheating and might already have cheated. Do whatever you want but I'd say there is a very good chance she's a whore.

[Belt-fedAnimal]

Dump the ****. I hate that sh*t. A. That's why I don't date and B. If I did and had any suspicion that she was seeing someone else, I'd end it so fast her head would spin.

[tyt_2012]

Dump her before she hurts you eve more or give her an ultimatum. You or that other fella she talks to.

[MindPieces]

Sorry, but you disqualified yourself by spying into her inbox.

[shamus1992]

while this may be true, doesn't make what she did right OR makes his argument invalid.

[MindPieces]

I never said that. But if he wants to confront her, he will be having troubles argumenting, since he invaded her privacy.

[Anonymous]

She's just an attention whore, dump her before she hurts you even more. Dump her right now!

[Anonymous]

im sorry to say man but you should dump her. if it makes you feel better, do it in a spectacular way that'll teach her a lesson about cheating

[Ezmotts]

The logical step would be to dump her man.

[Uwishuknew]

Put ur big girl panties on n move. on