My guy friend wants to hang out even though he has a girlfriend. Is this okay?

[Anonymous]

Like he wants to hang out alone and when I told him he should bring his girlfriend he said he doesn't really want her around and that he likes it when it's just the two of us. There have been times where I used to think he was into me, but he never said anything. Is this a bad idea? Should I go to dinner with him anyway?

Updates

3 mo

UPDATE: I talked to him this morning and he said, "Well, she hangs out with her guy friends and I'm okay with it. So if she can't handle that I am hanging out with you alone, then forget her."

Updates

3 mo

Does anyone here think he is into me? Because if that's the case (other than the fact that he's kind of a jerk) then I don't know.

[Finchie40]

Tell him No , he clearly wants to be more than just friends with you for the fact that he is already excluding his girlfriend , And not thinking about how she would feel , if his girlfriend did this to him he would shit a brick , so don’t fall for this nonsense , whether he is telling the truth or not , you are best to stay away from him and not get
Yourself involved or stuck in the middle of whatever is going on between him and his girlfriend if he truly valued his girlfriend , he wouldn’t be asking you to go out to dinner period he would be asking his girlfriend out to dinner instead , don’t fall for this nonsense , unless you really want To be with this guy , that’s something only you can decide

[Anonymous]

Ask his girlfriend if she's cool with it. Her reaction should tell you right there. Say there's nothing between you that you're just friends and if she has a problem with it you won't hang out with him. And if he has a problem that his girlfriend knows is kind of a sign don't you think.

[Asker]

I don’t know her. It’s like he doesn’t want us to meet. He’s introduced her to all our other friends. Is that weird?

[Anonymous]

People change partners. He's with her now, but yes, maybe he's into you, and he wants to know if you two get along and are compatible before he ends his current relationship. You two can find that out without anything physical happening between you.

And who knows, maybe she, his girlfriend, is doing the same. Or maybe they're not serious.

It was nice of you to tell him to invite her too, but you two can go out, see how it goes between you. Maybe he'll tell you he's unsure about his current relationship, they don't get along that well.

[Asker]

He had said he isn’t taking this one seriously, but they’ve taken a couple of trips together.

[Opinion Owner]

Then sounds like he's not that into her, and looking for a possible upgrade to you.

[rosemilk]

personally i find this a bit weird. like sure you two can hang out, but it's weird that he didn't at least ask his girlfriend if she wants to go too. if he did and she said no, it's okay. but the fact that he said he doesn't want her around, I don't know it's just weird to me. and going to dinner? also kinda weird. could just grab a coffee and hang out, but a dinner is a bit more forward. have you guys not hung out for awhile and want to catch up or what is the deal here?

[Asker]

We see each other at work, but haven't actually hung out since he got with her. It was my birthday earlier this month and he said he wanted to take me out to celebrate. I told him he should invite his girlfriend and he said, "Nah, we can just go. Just us two. Shell be fine." I told him I really don't mind, especially since it's a newer relationship (plus he's introduced her to all his other friends) and he said, "Maybe. We'll see, but probably not."

[AManOnTheWeb]

It could be perfectly innocent depending on how your relationship is. I've had a sincere brotherly-type affection for a female friend before and could imagine a scenario where I would have wanted to hang out together with her to celebrate without the newer girlfriend who may misread our friendly interactions for something more than it is.

That said, it could also be dubious. I think you're going to have to trust your instincts based on the vibes you guys have (or don't have) together. Good luck (and happy birthday).

[AManOnTheWeb]

To answer your update: Yes, it's certainly possible he's into you. I think you would have a better sense about that than us.

[Gasumapa]

It’s not that he wants to hang out with you. That’s okay. It’s that he doesn’t respect the relationship he is in (and maybe his girlfriend neither but that’s not relevant because we are talking about him)


People in a relationship should be in harmony. They should naturally want to hang out with their partner. If not, I see it as “this guy doesn’t wanna break up with the girlfriend just to make sure that he doesn’t end up alone, but tries to kill 2 birds with one stone)


Little bit of integrity, please

[lightbulb27]

you have high values.

he's probably fishing for a new girlfriend before he moves on from the old. That says something about him... doesn't it.

given how I read the scenario, I'd let him know it's not appropriate but if he no longer has a girlfriend, to call you back. You are in essence, training him and making him suffer, that is good.

could lose him but that is perfectly fine because he has some issues... at minimum in training.

hold your value high.

[JacobJordan]

If you have to ask it isn't. Also his girlfriend hanging with guy friends is precisely why guys and girls shouldn't have friends of the opposing gender. She may be friends with them they are not. They think there is a chance they can be with her

[Katebfun]

Sounds like he's prepping you as a backup when he's relationship ends. Here's the thing most men have a crush and are waiting for a small chance to hook up. A women who has a guy friend usually doesn't feel the same.

[Gent207-2]

Hoist the red flag

He doesn't have to bring his girlfriend everywhere. But he does have to respect her enough to tell her and not meet with you alone.

Highly suspect

[Asker]

He said, "I'm gonna tell her about us and if she doesn't like it, then oh well."

[Gent207-2]

Saying is one thing
Actions speak louder

[PeachyPie93]

No idea. I never had guys I hangout with as an adult. I have friends i talk to and text but I have never hung out with them alone since we were teens.

[Paris13]

I Find It Unfair and Nearly Like Cheating Her. Not Cheating ON Her Unless Hankie Pankie But Cheating Her Out Of Honesty in a Good Relationship. xxoo

[Ms_Facesitter]

It's okay if you're okay with it. But to be safe I would reach out to the girlfriend and ask him she is okay with it. Whether you know her ir not, reach out.

[Asker]

But wouldn’t that be weird? Like some random girl reaching out? I’d literally have to find her insta or snap or something.

[Ms_Facesitter]

Wouldn't you be glad if someone did that for you?

[Cutegirl06]

I wouldn't go with him. Sounds like he wants to cheat on his girlfriend if doesn't want her around and wants just the 2 of you to be alone.

[Asker]

I don't know "cheat" but it doesn't sound good.

[Cutegirl06]

I agree it doesn't.

[OlderAndWiser]

What - if anything - do you want with this guy?

[Asker]

We’ve been friends for two years. I honestly just want to catch up.

[OlderAndWiser]

Why don't you suggest lunch (because it feels much less like a date,) and tell him that you'll meet him at the restaurant.

[Asker]

The pub he wants to take me to doesn't open until dinner. It is open for lunch on the weekend, but I don't know if going to lunch on a Saturday sounds any better?

[OlderAndWiser]

Most of the bad things in the world happen at night.

Bring a friend with you.

[Asker]

Even if he is the one paying? I should bring a friend?

[OlderAndWiser]

Bring a friend and insist on paying for yourselves. That sends a very loud message.

OR, in advance, talk to him on the phone and steer the conversation around to who he is dating and then start talking about the great guy you have been seeing.

[supercutebutt]

If you don't take it beyond buttstuff, it's probably OK.

[ItsMykolaJenkins]

He likes you and not his girlfriend

Maybe he dates her for some interests

But likes you as a person

[HighValue]

It's a bad idea. It will just bring drama and problems into your life.

[Elena_Stewart]

Well, I don't know why would you put yourself in this situation? Even if you are desperate for a relationship.

[LaurenM1997]

Yes there’s nothing wrong with it you guys are just friends after all

[Anonymous]

[Danny_dan92]

He probably wants to take your pussy for a test drive

[RedInnocent68]

Red flags. Your totally the side chick warming the bench here.

[jahaims]

Hanging out alone with the opposite sex is fine but him specifically not wanting her around is sus.