Girlfriend hangs out with guy friend alone?

[Anonymous]

A simple back story : my girlfriend and I have been dating for 2 and a half months now. We have fallen in love and are very happy with each other. Like any relationship there are ups and downs but we make it through, together. We have seen each other once and are planning to see each other soon. Distance makes it hard.

Last Thursday a close girl friend of mine asked me to hangout alone. I told her, I don't think it is appropriate, because it would make my girlfriend uncomfortable. And when I told my girlfriend on the phone what happened she said "you better not." As in not see her alone.

We were talking and everything was going well. However yesterday a lot changed and it really opened my eyes in both positive and negative ways.

My girlfriend has a best guy friend, Devin. Yesterday she asked me if it was okay to go to his house, she needed to do some school work and she could borrow his lab-top. But they would be alone. She reminds me that she and him have a brother and sister relationship. However before I could even let her know now how I felt, she basically said "I don't care how you get, if you get mad or sad or upset or whatever, it is school work and that is it." I trust her enough to know she wouldn't do anything, yet my mind always wanders through the worst possible scenarios. I'm not the the of guy to tell her who she can and cannot hangout with.

It has been bothering me how she said she doesn't really care how it made me feel. When I clearly care how it makes her feel if a girl ask me to hang out. She seems very hypocritical at times. She says one thing but does another. But she has never given me any reason not to trust her.

I just need some advice on where to go from here?

Thank you.

[HurleyGurly22]

I have been on your girlfriend's side of the story many times. With the relationship I'm in right now, this problem is on-going. My best friends have always been this group of guys, all very much like my brothers. I used to do sleepovers with them, watch every football game, go out to BWW, you name it, I was like another dude. And then I got involved in relationships with guys outside that group. My boyfriend now is currently a guy who never knew them before me, and is often very jealous I go to spend time with them sometimes. We are separated at different colleges, so when I go home and hang out with my group of best guy friends, my boyfriend gets all angry. I basically said the same thing to him that your Girlfriend said to you, I don't care how you feel, they're my friends.

So, I go visit with them and have a great time, but none of them will ever be more than a bro. I think its really hard, but you just have to trust she's going to make the right decisions. It's hard for us to give up friendships with guys once we find one we actually want to date, and she is probably dealing with the struggle of learning not to be open to everyone now, you're more of an important focus. Sometimes its hard for us, or any body of any sex, to remember that exclusive titles come with a sacrifice.

[Asker]

This was really helpful. Thank youu. I don't want her to give her friends for me, at all. I trust that she will make the right decisions. I guess my mind races.

[unighted]

i think that she is not being fair with you, she being with him is not the problem the problem is how she can't trust you to do the same thing its not fair and you should talk to her about it

[Hamburgers]

My question: "YOUR s/o wants to go to Paris/Hawaii with their opposite gendered friend... Are you OK with it?" Read more at link

For all the girls that will tell you "You don't trust her! Blah, blah, rabble, rabble!", know they're talking bullsh*t.

If that weren't the case, they would be okay with their SO going to Paris/Hawaii alone with their opposite gendered friend, sleep in the same hotel, and same bed.

Honestly, you shouldn't change her, and she shouldn't change you. She should have dropped hanging out with her guy friends alone on her OWN will. Now, you asking her to do it is basically making her do it.

I'd get a girl who's a little more mature.

[Anonymous]

I'm not even going to read this all the way through... TRUST. If you don't have that, it's not going to work. If you don't trust her, MOVE ON.

[Hamburgers]

link I'm guessing you'd be OK with that then?

[Opinion Owner]

If I feel that I can trust them, yes. If I don't feel that I can trust them, no. But if I don't trust my S/O I shouldn't be dating them in the first place. It doesn't matter if they are cheating or not, if you don't trust your BF/GF it's going to cause problems. No one wants to be interrogated all the time, and no should have to feel like they need to babysit their mate to make sure they don't cheat. It's a needless cause of stress, and a pointless waste of time.

[kaynefirkins54]

How are you even supposed to trust that? That is dumb. You're going to get your feelings hurt in the end and no one needs that. If she's hanging out with another guy she obviously doesn't see you as being more important than him. You can even trust your girlfriend with all her heart but it won't matter if the dude has his intentions on sleeping with her.