Is my guy friend attracted to me, even though he has a gf?

[Anonymous]

Okay, I have a guy friend of mine (or, an acquaintance really), that I used to have a REALLY HUGE crush on. My feelings for him have died down somewhat, but he's always known that I've liked him for 2 years.

Well, meanwhile he's been kind of dating this girl for about 2 years, but his actions towards me are very confusing at times!

Like there's always been something there.

For example, our interactions have always been kind of awkward/tense. He's a little on the shy side, so at times he acts kind of shy around me. Why would he be shy around me if he doesn't like me at all?

Sometimes we flirt with each other (like joke and tease each other), and at times I'll catch him checking me out. I always try to respect the relationship that he and his girl/gf have with each other, so I don't try to overstep my boundaries.

His actions don't make sense at all!

For example:

1) He very rarely (if ever) invites me to hang out with him and his friends and his girlfriend. His girlfriend is never around if I'm going to be invited.

2) He gets jealous/uncomfortable if another guy is interested in me. One time he tried to block another guy who was interested in me! Whenever the guy would invite me places with his friends, my guy friend wanted to come too. Or, he'll find a way to interject when he feels that another guy is showing me attention! It's weird!

3) He always seems embarrassed whenever I happen to be in the same place as he and his gf. He always looks at me kind of sheepishly, and our interactions (if we interact at all) are very short and tense.

4) I notice that he stares at me from a distance at times, or he'll be hanging around me at times, but won't say anything! Or, if he does say something, he'll seem a little nervous, and we'll be looking at each other for a long time. We talk much better when we're alone with each other.

5) He gets mad or upset if I act like I don't see him. I'm not doing it to be mean, but I figure that if he has a gf, then I don't want to get hurt and I want to respect their relationship!

What do all of his actions mean? Is he just trying to play a heartless cruel trick on me since he KNOWS that I like him? Or, does he kind of like me too, and just knows that he can't do anything about it since he has a gf? Why would he act this way when he KNOWS that I like him? Wouldn't he NOT want to give me ANY mixed signals at all, so that I don't get the wrong impression?

Also, what should I DO about this situation? I mean, I've been casually dating other guys and have been trying to get my mind off of this guy friend of mine, but it's hard!

Sometimes I feel like just cutting him off until he can make up his mind, but that's not really nice. Plus, my friends have said that he seems down when I just completely ignore him. I dont' want to be mean, but I need to protect my feelings. :(

Sorry for the lengthy question, but I just don't know what to do!

[JustMe2008]

First off you I can't answer this until I know the type of connection he and his girlfriend shares. Is it having a girlfriend just to have one? In that case he is in "what if" case. i.e. he is like "what if I had asked this girl out, she appreciates me so much more than my gf."

Otherwise it maybe philandering.

It may or may not be a mind game. There are two ways to make sure i) asking him and ii) studying closely the relationship he shares with his gf.

[Asker]

He and his girlfriend seem to have a close relationship. But they don't seem to be compatible much because they're always fighting!

What do you mean by "philandering"?

I don't think he's doing it to deliberately play a "mind game". He just doesn't seem like that kind of guy. I honestly dont' think he's deviously trying to find ways that he can intentionally hurt me. I think he's just confused, and doesn't know what he wants.

I think he's attracted to me, but he wants his gf.

[JustMe2008]

Philander is the synonym of player. lol.

The thing that is probably happening is that he jumped into the relationship at the wrong moment and they don't share a wonderful chemistry. Maybe he was a little emotionally down or insecure at that time and that led to the relationship. Now he sees you and misses you. He thinks how much you care for him and you would be such a great gf. But he already has a girlfriend and that's the problem. It was wrong timing for him. So whenever he sees you are .... contd...

[JustMe2008]

contd. you are getting distant he looses that and starts all that drama. lol. it's basically insecurity that he is going to loose you and end up with his current girlfriend and he doesn't know what to do about it. It's tricky for him.

[Asker]

Thanks for the insight JustMe!

Is that why there's so much "tension" and awkwardness between us most of the time?

I honestly think that he chose HER over me. He always knew all along that I was interested in him. He could sense it. But you're right, there's definitely a "fear" with him that I'm going to completely forget about him and move on totally.

I've already moved on in a way, but part of me still cares for him & wonders "what if". I just don't know how to act around him

[JustMe2008]

You know what, people often don't realize what is good for them until they face the reality. Even if you think he chose her over me maybe he had a big crush on her at that time...maybe he just found her really physically attractive and took that for love, compatibility and chemistry. You never know. But his present girlfriend is with him and he realizes that she is not that great and that's why he is going through this. I honestly believe that relationship won't last long. Because he is no more devoted to it.

[Milkyway]

you should be more obvious about your feelings towards him too. he's already doing a lot of stuff that's really obvious. who cares if he has a gf. that's not your concern, it's his issue. but you should be respectful if she's around and if he mentions her

[JustMe2008]

contd. he likes you and wants to get along with you. Say if you are not available to him when he breaks up with his girlfriend then he would fins some other girl to care for. But the thing is done. In all possible reality his heart has left the relationship. It's now only a matter of time.

[Asker]

Thanks JustMe. Yeah I think you're right. I think he wants to finally just get along with me, because for a long time there has been this "tension" between us, and we haven't always gotten along at times in the past. :-/

I dont' think he wants to leave his girlfriend though! I don't think he's sure about her though because they're always playing games w/each other, and 1 day they seem happy, & the next day they're fighting/mad at each other.

Should I just be nice to him and see what happens?

[Asker]

Hey JustMe....I just wanted to let you know that you were right! I have now found out that things between him & his girlfriend of two years are basically over. She's moved on to another guy even.

The only thing that sucks is that I didn't notice his "signs" that he was possibly interested in me as MORE than a friend until it was too late! Now he's casually getting to know another girl these days. :-/ I guess it's too late for me now... :-(

[JustMe2008]

I am really sorry to hear that. I don't know what to say :( . It's complicated now.

[Hercules]

You need to confront him. Ask him to stop being so protective and flirting if he won't ask you out. Tell him it hurts you to play these mind games.

[Asker]

So, you think he's just playing a stupid game on me?

*sigh* I really feel weird about confronting him though, because then that would mean that I would have to tell him that I like him! Plus, he may not even think that he's doing anything wrong?

[Hercules]

That's exactly why you need to confront him.