What do I do if my boyfriend is getting bullied?

[lerzygirl]

So this is what's going on...

My boyfriend is on a culinary team and will be heading to state in about a week. Well one of his teammates, who I also work with, has been calling him fat and making fat jokes, he is over weight but not that much. This has been going on for about three - four months. I have been telling him to talk to the guy about it or someone else like the teacher so the guy stops. Well I have been staying out of it because it is his problem and I don't want to be seen as fixing his problems and making him look weak. But now it has gone overboard. He has now started using sexual comments against the both of us! Now I am in it. So technically I can do something. He does not want me or him to say anything about it because it will cause drama and he especially does not want that happening right before competition. I get that but if they are going to work as a team there can not be bullying in a team. Anyways I get my bf's reasoning but this is ticking me off! He is being a bully and harassing both of us. I have thought of a few options on how to handle this...

A. Pull the guy aside and talk to him nicely about it.

B. Pull him aside and talk to him sternly and let him know I mean it.

C. Tell the teacher about it.

D. Just let it be. (ignore it)

If someone has any other ideas how to handle it please let me know. And if you choose one of these please give me your reason why and how to enact it.

Either way this needs to stop because it is really effecting him. And making me really angry.

(Oh by the way I am not too worried about getting in a fight. I would rather not to but if it comes to that it comes to that. I am also not weak at all so I could easily take this guy down.)

Thanks.

Pull the guy aside and talk to him nicely about it.

Pull the guy aside and talk to him sternly and let him know I mean it.

Tell the teacher about it.

Just let it me. (ignore it)

[Anonymous]

The guy likely will not respect your guy until your guy decides to standup for himself and you, his girl. I suggest that you explain to your boyfriend that he needs to attempt to resolve the situation as soon as possible. Otherwise, the other guy will feel that your guy fears him, which may influence him to believe that there are little, if any, consequences to his behavior. Thus, strengthening his confidence and motivating him to continue insulting and verbally attacking you and your boyfriend.

If your guy's refusal to confront him continues after you have addressed your concern, do not take matters into your own hands. Bring the situation to the attention of the coaches of his culinary team, as their methods to resolve the issue may be more effective and impactful.

Believe it or not, violence may influence more bullying. So, it may be in everyone's best interest to resolve the issue as peacefully as possible.

[lerzygirl]

Hal I have tried to tell him but he thinks it will be better to wait. Which I get his reasoning. But it needs to stop. The violence is the very lass and least likely to happen option. Probably won't happen. My guy and I are pretty passive people but we both can not stand bullying. But he just can't stand up for himself but can stand up to others. I am going to talk to him again about it. He needs to settle this one not later.

[sean1234]

How old are you all? That kind of thing happened to me in like middle school or high school up to the 9th grade. Very juvenile!

Use the competition to your benefit, pummel the guy at it so you all get disqualified and then say if only you were nice to me... Just kidding!

You know what, sometimes that's just about what it takes though. Some guys you just about have to literally beat it out of them... in one way or another.

To be honest, he should ignore him completely as if he doesn't exist, as if his stupid jokes don't exist and if that bully person pokes his "fat" belly, he needs to just push him away.

In high school one day, my dad pretty much told the Principal, if you don't get rid of that jerk, I'll teach my son to fight and to just beat the crap out of em. He was serious. The accident was on the school bus and needless to say, that guy was kicked off.

[lerzygirl]

We are seniors in high school almost graduated. Uh it is a culinary competition that the guy, my boyfriend and two other guys are in. They have been working on this competition for 5 months and they are a team. It is also the pride of the school for them to do well. So no I will not disqualify them. He has ignored him the whole time and so have I. It has been going on for four months.

[sean1234]

Yeah, I was kind of joking about the getting disqualified thing. I was just throwing crazy suggestions that would stop the bullying forever. The pride of the school, LOL! When you're 31 like me, you won't care about what happened at your school 13 years ago. The only thing your boyfriend will remember in the future about the culinary competition is that he was bullied if he doesn't do something about it.

[sean1234]

OH I almost forgot, you don't just ignore the guy, you look straight through him, you talk straight through him. You both give him the invisible treatment and you make sure he knows it.

[lerzygirl]

Ya I agree I just don't know how to have him stop it or me stop it or we stop it.

[sean1234]

... when it comes to the jokes he makes of course.

[lerzygirl]

ok

[sean1234]

OH I got an example, the bully makes a joke, and YOU say at the same time a split second later to your boyfriend... "so hows your mom been doing?" and he says "Good" or something so totally random he ends up feeling stupid. You keep on doing it till the jerk stops.

[lerzygirl]

I would do that but I am never there when it happens. He always does it in the back of the kitchen when there is only my boyfriend, him and some other students.

[sean1234]

Oh course that's when you 2 are together with the jerk. If he's not with you then he should ask someone else a random question. If no one cares to play along and almost takes enjoyment in the jerk making fun of your boyfriend, quite frankly they don't deserve his help in any competition. Don't you think it would be distracting to him constantly being made fun of? Heck, you could win that cooking competition having one less creep in your team to distract you.

[lerzygirl]

If we lose the guy then they might fail because they each have parts that they have to do. But it turns out the guy might not be able to go to competition because of his poor grades.

[sean1234]

or better yet, they could lose from having a very distracting, disrespectful bully like team mate.

[sean1234]

ha ha, my comments, such bad timing, LOL!

[lerzygirl]

Oh I really don't want them to lose. They have worked so hard. I have been on the same competition for the last two years and I know how the heartbreak is to lose. Ugh!

[Anonymous]

you think its bad now..wait till you actually say something. just ignore it for a week and talk to him after a week.

i would step in while he's making fun him to see if he still got the guts to finish his joke. yea, boyfriend should stand up for himself. but he's kinda doing the right thing by ignoring. regardless of what he decides to do...someone should tell that guy its wrong to make fun of others just for fun. it makes it worst if they bring someone else in just to get something outta the guy. it really makes them less of a person than they think they are. if he doesn't stop, id raise my voice and let it be known to everyone that he's one of those jerks that makes fun of other for pleasure.

[lerzygirl]

I have ignored this for four months! Nothing is changing and now he has attacked me so now I need to step in. I have been bullied a lot and it only stopped when I stopped it not when I ignored it.

[Opinion Owner]

nonono I mean ignore it till after the competition or w.e it is. because after you say something, that guy isn't going get along or want anything to do with your boyfriend. theyre a team. one of them has to be the bigger person and step up. in this case, I say boyfriend should just take a week more and deal with the bully after :/

[lerzygirl]

But if they make it to nationals it will be another 2 months. And there teamwork is bad because of this.

[Prettygurl12]

Tell your boyfriend to stand up for himself. Stroke his ego, make him feel good. 'Cause as much of a bad ass as you may be (lol) no guy is going to respect him any more (and he may not thank you) if his girlfriend is the one standing up for him.

This is one of those situations where he needs to do it himself. Only the bullied can make the bully stop. Simple elementary school recess logic.

[lerzygirl]

Lol I am not a bad ads I ment I am not week and I can throw a punch if I have to. I can pull my own weight. And I want him to do it for himself and stand up but at this moment he is not and it Is eating at him.

[lerzygirl]

*ass sorry

[lace1228]

What does this guy normally say or do? If you can show him that it doesn't bother you ( even if it really does)then he might eventually stop. The biggest thing I wish I would have done when I was bullied was stand up for myself and was able to come up with something quick and smart to say back.

[lerzygirl]

He says to my boyfriend things like... are you going to chase me with a hamburger? or the most recent one... You should get an 3XL jacket? I don't know all what he says only what my boyfriend has said. He also uses sexual innuendos towards me when he is talking to my boyfriend. My boyfriend does say to knock it off when he says those.

[lace1228]

I think when he says something like that you just need to send back. a quick come back or laugh it off. To the burger one I would say something like I just might have to where would you reccomend I get a burger from? The 3xl he should say something like your right thanks for the advice, I will look into it next time I'm out buying clothes. Then just turn around around and walk away.

[Thatguy321]

Tell your boyfriend to stare him down when he says the next joke. Not with a smile or anything on his face. for him to make a face that pretty much says "say it again, I dear you." if he does it right, the guy will get the message that your boyfriend won't take that crap any more and the guy is going too far. he just needs to stare him down

[lerzygirl]

Yeah he has tried that. And some of the guy's friends have said, hey dude that is too far. But it has not works. My boyfriend just does not want the drama especially right before competition but this is really effecting him and their teamwork.

[Thatguy321]

he can't have you stand up to him though, that will just get it worse from him. Your boyfriend needs to take care of the situation now. I know he doesn't want the drama, but one bold, strong stance again the kid will make it known he's not going to be pushed around

[lerzygirl]

Ya I get that. I am not really standing up for my Boyfriend I am standing up for myself. He attacked me as well not just my boyfriend. And I guess I will just mention the part about the guy making fat jokes to the teacher and leave my or his name out of it. She will talk to him and it will resolve the problem hopefully. And if he does not knock it off I might have to knock him out.

[Casper286]

This is just one of those things that your boyfriend will have to do by himself. He needs to grow his own backbone and stand up for himself because you won't always be there to protect him. Just ignore it until your boyfriend deals with it himself.

[lerzygirl]

It has been going on for a while now and I have stayed out of it and let him handle it but he has chosen to ignore it. Sometimes that is the best thing to do but I don't feel for this case it is. If I had no part in it I would just let him deal with it. But now that the guy has started attacking me I need to step in.

[Casper286]

Just ignore him. The guy just wants to get a rise out of you two. Don't give him that satisfaction .

[chickgonemajor]

Steps:

First, option B. If it works, move on to option A and end on a good note. If not, go to option C. Avoid option D

[lerzygirl]

I might do that and that is actually what I was thinking of doing. I will get more ideas first and talk to more people before I do anything though.

[Anonymous]

He needs to stand up for himself, I used to be overweight but I had no tolerance for BS and people understood.

[lerzygirl]

I am all for having him deal with his problems but this guy has now made it my problem and I used to be one to just shrug it off but I am not going back to that anymore. So I really want to squish this guy and get it done and over with. He is also a co working of mine and needs to understand that I do not tolerate that behavior.

[Opinion Owner]

Threaten him saying you will get him fired. Should keep him in check.

[lerzygirl]

Ya I don't want to get him fired but I will not tolerate it anymore. I will talk ro him first and tell him to knock it off before I throw that curve ball at him.

[JamielovesKU]

Report it.

[lerzygirl]

What is your reason for saying that?

[JamielovesKU]

Well, if you report the person they aren't likely to do it again. I had people bully me around and I reported it and the person later became a friend of mine, but who knows? You never know whatll happen in the en.

[Anonymous]

Find out where he sleeps and buy a skinning knife