My boyfriend gets bullied?

[Anonymous]

so, he's 27 and he told me that when he was in class and one of his classmates said he was a wimp out of nowhere. my boyfriend told him to stop being disrespectful. he didn't stop, he continued to call him other names. my boyfriend then decided to call over another guy who was bigger and asked if he'd call him a wimp... but the guy laughed and the big guy and the bully fist pumped or something.

i don't know.. i kind of got turned off when he told me this. i feel like a horrible person for allowing something like this to affect how i feel about him. it's like a switch literally went off, and i've been feeling like this for a week.

why do i feel this way and how do i get over it? has this happened to anyone else? your partner does something that changes the way you see them?

[Ozanne]

He's 27... and he's talking about something that happened back in highschool? If so, it's the past -- long past and a lot of time has gone by for him to likely react differently to situations now as an adult. Just let it go. We've all done stupid things in highschool, and no one should have to carry around the nonsense they either went through or put someone through at young, curious ages. You shouldn't let it bother you so much. He handled a situation in the best way he could back then, and likely now, he'd do something different. Maybe ask him what he would do now if he was faced with bullying again?

[Asker]

this was recent. he's in a college class.

[RationalLioness]

If your boyfriend had this done to him when he was 27, he wasn't bullied. in my opinion, only children can be bullied. Adults get harassed. Your boyfriend could have simply laughed, walked away, or said a clever retort and not try and get someone else to fight his battle.

Anyway, I would have felt the same way you did. I can't respect a man who, at that age, is unable to defend himself. What if we were married with children and something happened? I would expect him to run away... as if I couldn't trust him.

I wouldn't be with someone like that and I suggest you don't either.

[Asker]

that's exactly how i feel. i feel like he has no respect and he doesn't know how to have a backbone. the situation made me see him less masculine and now it's like i can't take him seriously

[PensiveMaiden777]

Bullying affects people in many ways your boyfriend seem to have suffered by it, he need to build up his confidence, and grow a backbone to make sure this never happens again.

A man saying he was bullied would make a woman feel he can't protect her, but don't view him less than he is the guy you fell for before you knew he got bullied.

[MadeInAmerica]

Your turn off my his lack of masculinity. I don't believe in bullying and it's wrong but when you are a grown ass man you should be wise enough to be able to find a way through that or not let it bother you. I think over time you can get over it but if he keeps coming to you with little problems like that he can't solve your gonna see him as a little boy.

[Octavion]

Well those guys are immature. Was this in a college course? Some people are just stuck in their high school mentality when they get older which is pretty pathetic. Yeah that's kind of bad you are turned off just because some random dbag called him a wimp. What did you want him to do; beat up the guy and get expelled?

[Asker]

well its not that he was getting bullied, it was more because he called over another guy to help. i felt like he could've handled the situation himself and calling another guy seems weak.

[Mesonfielde]

He should not have asked another guy, to be honest. The best thing in theory would be to just tell him he has no time for this and walk away. And hope the other person doesn't get physical. I personally carry pepper spray with me just in case something like that happens, although luckily it has not yet.

[Iron_Man]

He needs to get into the gym and take Boxing lessons

[Octavion]

What adult actually gets in a fight just because someone calls them a wimp? Are other guys really this insecure

[Iron_Man]

Adult has nothing to do with it. Its what men do we have high honor and when our manhood is threatened we do something about it. If we don't we are looked down on as cowards of men

[Illusive_Man]

@Octavion
Another one of those "wimp" turns "hero" and beats up the bigger guy who called him a wimp , and happily ever after illusions.

[Octavion]

All I see when people do that is that they are super sensitive and are so scared what other people think about them. Your manhood is not given or taken away from you by other people. If someone talked like that to me I'd probably laugh call them junior or kid (since they're acting like a child) and walk away. If they attacked me physically I'd turn their face into hamburger meat but if they are acting like a child I'll be the better person and not act the same.

[Iron_Man]

If you know these people and if you walk away they will never stop and it could go on for years. I like to settle things on the spot and end it for good.

[Asker]

he's a tiny guy. very short and skinny, but i just didn't like how he called his friend over to help when it was just a verbal attack.

[Octavion]

This isn't high school you just end up in jail for a night if you do that. You hit first they charge you with assault and battery. Nothing's finished except for your clean record.

[chrisbigman]

He should take karate lessons. If that were me, I would've told the idiot to shut the fuck up.

[muspelhem_5]

What is it about it that turns you off?

[Asker]

it was the fact that he called over another guy for help. i just felt like that was a wimp move.

[Illusive_Man]

but is he one tho?

[Illusive_Man]

well is he?

[Asker]

not sure... he's never been tested so i can't say. i have no doubt in my mind that he'll defend me if a guy bothers me but i dont know..

[Nathand]

i smell a troll...