Is it possible for a shy guy to push himself away from a girl just because he can't find the courage in himself to express his feelings to her?

[Anonymous]

A guy likes a girl so much. He's crushing badly, but it's obvious that he is afraid to ask her out or to express his feelings to her.

Is it possible that he pushes himself away from that girl even though he likes her? Can you please explain this behavior to me.

Thanks!

Updates

+1 y

He also seemed to underestimate himself and always felt insecure. BUT he used to speak to me all the time and gave me all sorts of hints of admiration, then suddenly felt afraid to make a serious move and pushed himself away. Why would he do that?

[baddy2shoos]

Yes, he may like a girl and be extremely shy and push himself away on purpose, but not because he is shy, but because he is deeply insecure about something, whether it's a part of his physical body or that he may have had a traumatic experience. He may dislike the size of his genitals, or be afriad of not knowing what to do when a girl kisses him, or maybe he even ejaculates prematurely. These are all valid concerns that young men may have that explain extreme withdrawal shyness, and not talking to girls. And sometimes he is simply too scared to go after her because he has little experience. Clearly you are speaking about a guy age 20-29. So he may have had a crippling experience, no experience, or a deep insecurity about a physical feature. This is the best advice I can give. Your friend and pal baddy2shoos. Done.

[Asker]

You're actually speaking the truth. He seemed to underestimate himself and always felt insecure. BUT he used to speak to me all the time and gave me all sorts of hints, then suddenly felt afraid to make a serious move and pushed himself away. Why would he do that?

[baddy2shoos]

For the reasons I've listed. Or if not those reasons, then the very last reason is that many guys, are afraid of what I call "Pulling the Trigger." It's crossing the line from going to words and conversation to taking action. It's one of the hardest things for men to do because we don't know if rejection, embarrassment, or something else that waits on the other side. You must make him feel comfortable enough that he will ask you out. Pulling the trigger is immensely challenging, we must face the barrier of rejection, and we must have the confidence to say that there is nothing wrong with us physically and mentally for the girl to accept us. This is impossible because he has insecurities he must get rid of first.

[Asker]

You are spot on! BUT I made him feel comfortable. It was obvious that I liked him too. Still making a serious move is challenging?

[baddy2shoos]

If I had a few more details I could tell you. How long have you known eachother, how'd you reveal that both of you like eachother?

[Asker]

We used to be colleagues at college, but it was not until after graduation that he expressed so much interest in me. We talked for months. He is a good man. I'm sure he wasn't playing me. He just had insecurity issues. At some point he pushed himself away as if it was too much on him. I don't understand why.

[baddy2shoos]

This may be the case that he is insecure about the way he functions sexually. It happened to me and most guys. I flirted and wanted to date girls, but last minute I pulled away from them when they gave me the opportunity to go over to there house or to see them intimately because I was afraid that I could not perform sexually i.e. things like cumming too early, sexual inexperience, etc. This is every mans insecurity. And it has to do with how much sex he's had in the past. I got over it by simply getting over my fears and taking the opportunity to be intimate.

[Asker]

Apart from sexual insecurities, what could be the other reasons?

[baddy2shoos]

He's a tease. He messes with girls hearts, because he has a disregard for women, and sees them more as objects. But it doesn't sound like he's that type. Best bet is he's too afraid to pull the trigger because of some insecurity. Maybe he's a negative person, who has irrational beliefs. Irrational cognitive beliefs interfere and cause insecurity, this is common in introverted personalities.

[Asker]

YES! he does. He is a negative person who has irrational fears I guess. So, if a person like that likes a girl he may drop her easily like that just because he can't overcome his fears? Does that mean he never liked her in the first place?

[baddy2shoos]

Well dropping someone easily is a totally different story than not being able to pull the trigger. I'd need to know how he dropped you. No chances are he liked you very much but he can't do anything about it. If he drops you easily, like a fly, it could mean he saw something in you he didn't like anymore, or he wants to stay single because he's afraid to commit, leading back to his insecurity. Or he's just a fucked up kid lol. I have no idea. Not enough information.

[Asker]

Hahaha Thanks! You've helped A LOT!

[DanAG]

It's not only possible, but I'd say it's very common. He might not ever get the courage to make a move. If you make the first move it might just scare the crap out of him and he'll move away. He might even pretend he doesn't like you any more just because it's the only way he knows to deal with it. It all depends on how shy he is.

[Asker]

Sounds right. So, will you he ever make a move in his life or will he live forever alone? I mean what is the thing that's going to force him to make a move on some girl? His behavior is weird to me. That's why I'm trying to figure him out.

[DanAG]

"will you he ever make a move in his life"

lol at "you he"

I'm confident he'll eventually figure it out. :D

I don't think his behavior is weird, just shy. That's what shy means. I don't know what might work for him. I suppose just the right combination of circumstances and the right girl.

[Asker]

Typo mistake. Sorry! lol

[ZEDA_X]

if you think he's too shy why don't you just put him out of his misery and ask him out, instead of analyzing his insecurities towards possible rejection alleviate them.

[Asker]

I did. When things were getting more serious, he drifted apart as if it was too much on him. I'm sure he liked me though.

[dc2011]

Did you though? Did you ask him out or did you just hint at it like you have done before?

[steveguitar]

yes I think so. its difficult for shy guys to bring themselves to social situations. and its even more of a step when he likes a girl.

because he can't bring himself to ask her out of socialize with her or even get the opportunity to converse with her alone, then he may start to get away from her. this is because he doesn't believe that he can even accomplish the feat of asking her out, never mind the date, or multiple dates, or a relationship

[Asker]

Very true actually. BUT we used to talk a lot. He gave me constant hints of admiration. He showed interest. I did too. At some point he pushed himself away as if it was TOO much on him or something. Why so?

[steveguitar]

maybe he doesn't really understand the attention, I know that I am terrible with picking up hints that girls will give. if he spoke to you a lot, he may not even realize that he was flirting?

what is his social life like beyond your friendship or of you knowing him?

[Asker]

He has lots of friends. He's somehow negative person with irrational fears. I showed him care, interest and all. BUT I don't know why he disappeared like that.

[steveguitar]

well maybe try to call him or text him, or Facebook or tweet him. something that you know he can't miss unless he's blocked you.

do you ever get to see him anywhere? if it's not regularly, do you know when you see him?

[Asker]

We lost contact. He made it clear for me that he wanted to disappear or to keep himself away.

[steveguitar]

you sure he doesn't like another girl or something? besides if he made it clear then there's nothing you can do until he comes around again, or if you see him somewhere

[Asker]

I'm sure he didn't like another girl. And, thanks for helping :-)

[Anonymous]

Ok, I can tell you that this exact same situation has happened me lately and I couldn't be more down about it. I think I let my second guessing myself and fear of rejection get the better of me and I lost the girl to someone else which I dont think Ill ever really get older because she was really the only person that I've had very strong feelings for. However, in my case the girl was also insecure and very much a closed book when it came to telling how she felt and thus never let me know if she felt the same. I can only tell you to try and change things up a bit, instead of hinting at him, maybe ask him if he would like to grab a coffee or something informal for a chat or something. Its clear that you like him, otherwise you wouldn't be on here! Go for it! He jst needs you to show him that he's not the loser he thinks he is! Besta luck!

[dogeatdog]

He might be trying to protect you from himself. Wants you but could feel he will cause more harm than good in your life. Being his friend first will go along way to help understand what is really going on and give him some ease with you.

[Asker]

Why would he cause me harm?

[dogeatdog]

His harms to self, be it anything that he judges to be wrong. If a guy cares for someone they want to protect her from harm even if means to stay back from her. Double edge sword however since it hurts her to stay back. Hopefully he works it out and you guys have a chance at a connection like no other.

[Asker]

We lost contact actually. I wonder if he ever liked me in the first place.

[dogeatdog]

I am sure he did. You seem open and sincere. Id try to not focus on it and be open to create new friendships. It is possible he will come around and be the guy you know and like or the opposite. Then worst case is at least you didn't waste too much time grieving, or worrying and instead lived well.

[Asker]

Yeah. Thanks :)

[SuitAndTie]

This is definitely possible. It's quite the norm that the furthest a shy guy would go is to just hinting his admiration. He won't ever make a serious move until HE is confident enough or ready to jump in, no matter how comfortable you make him feel.

[Asker]

That means he'll never make a move on any girl. Huh?

[SuitAndTie]

He may once he becomes more comfortable and confident with himself.

[Asker]

Might never happen =D

[AshBrown]

Extremely likely and a fact. I did the same in my college days. That's why, I ended up NEVER dating in life. And I am married.

[Asker]

How did you get married then?

[AshBrown]

Arranged by family. Never knew her before. Our relationship started from the time we got engaged.

[Asker]

So, you may push yourself away from a girl you like very much just because you can't make a move? If yes, why would you talk to her and give her hints in the first place?

[AshBrown]

If I go back in time the way I am now, I would definitely make a move. But the way I was (studied in all boys till high school) I just could not even give signals and immediately be what they now call "friend-zoned".

[Asker]

You didn't answer my question :/ He got closer to me, talked eagerly to me, gave me all the hints then suddenly he drifted away as if it was too much on him or as if he couldn't bring himself to make a move. THAT does not make sense. What do you think?

[AshBrown]

May be he worries too much about what would people say. Trust me, shyness leads to weird thinking.

[Asker]

Would say about what? He likes a girl. What's wrong with that?

[AshBrown]

I cannot talk in terms of the modern culture. Where (and when) I grew up, it was not socially acceptable to make bf/gf. May be it is a little difficult to explain for a different person / culture.

[legalboxers]

lack of confidence, scared of rejection, been hurt so badly he dont care anymore

[Asker]

Sounds right. BUT why would he talk to me and give me hints in the first place if he's so insecure like that?

[legalboxers]

some may share, some may not. I have become more closed after what Im dealing with now. I dont know whats going on in mine, and its a mystery to me. But I dont really want to date anyone, let alone hang out with anyone, I been seriously burned

[Asker]

I understand that. THAT makes sense. BUT he got closer to me, talked eagerly to me, gave me all the hints then suddenly he drifted away as if it was too much on him or as if he couldn't bring himself to make a move. THAT does not make sense. What do you think?

[legalboxers]

maybe something triggered it. nightmare, vision, family issues, school. Could be a myriad of things. maybe he's scared he would mess up a relationship (I know I screwed up once)

[Asker]

Thanks for helping. :)

[legalboxers]

I mean as for me, I botched up like that once, and I blame my parents for getting in the way :( I hope I helped and gave you some insite

[Asker]

Yes, yes you did! :)

[legalboxers]

Im following you, please keep me updated

[Anonymous]

I did the exact same thing its called being shy and insecure.

[Asker]

Even if you liked the girl so much?

[Opinion Owner]

Yes i liked this girl so much I thought about her all the time.

[Anonymous]

Definitely, I used to do that.
But I usually had a good reason for it, like it was just lust and only wanted to screw her?

[Asker]

Nope, it wasn't like that at all with him.

[Opinion Owner]

Maybe he's real shy, and wants to know you more?
You could always express your feelings, it just may elicit his in turn.

[PhiOmega]

Yes, it's safer

[Asker]

What is safer?

[PhiOmega]

It's not guaranteed a girl will reciprocate your feelings, u may say no