Kill him with kindness?

[Danni]

So I decided to be extra nice to my ex with whom I pregnant to. I figure I am just gonna be open and not bitter about the break up.

Maybe I'll throw him for a loop? What's everyone's thoughts on this?

[Warren]

I can't say I've ever seen anyone "killed with kindness", as larry put it. The closest thing to it that I've seen is when a silly Christian refused to 'give up' on someone 'cause they're too stupid and/or stubborn to realize that person wants nothing to do with them. Essentially, a real life Flanders.

Essentially you're trying to play games with his head. Games rarely work, and often backfire, so be prepared for that. It's *possible*, of course, that he could change whatever it is about himself you don't like simply because you're nice to him, but it's also possible that he'll accept and appreciate your kindness, and just stay the way he is.

[Danni]

Yeah.. and that's fine~ But we are having babies together so at least I can say I am being a better person about things. He wants to be involved and we have to start some kind of a relationship, I'd rather be civil than bitter. I don't really care anymore about us getting back together~ it's for the babies and children involved, not for either one of us.

[shybutcrazy]

I find that little comment about "silly Christian" offensive. I'm a Christian and I don't think it's silly to want to try to work out a marriage. There is a limit though. It's not your problem if THAT person is refusing to work it out; you can only be responsible for your own actions. If it wasn't a marriage, I wouldln't waste my time.

I agree with that last paragraph though. Games rarely work.

[bcrombie]

Stop being such a female and over analyzing it! GO BACK TO THE BASICS.

Step back and picture this: say he turns into the happiest guy 2 weeks from now because of your efforts - would your life be complete? Or where would that leave you?

Stop thinking about what makes him happy and do what you feel is right for you. If kicking him in the nuts puts a smile on your face, that's all you babygirl.

[shybutcrazy]

I think you should definitely maintain civil terms with him as you both are going to be sharing a child together. If you can be friends, that's wonderful. If not, then don't try. That rarely works out as far as I've seen though. As far as the break up, there is no need to be overly bitter; if he did something to cause it, you need to take some time and let that go as you can't just get rid of him like you could do with others. Just give yourself time to get over it. No need to go bending over backwards with kindness though. At this point, respecting each other's need for space and boundaries is best.

[onemoreplease]

Yup, kill 'em with kindness. Since when is it game-playing to be nice to others? You're gonna have to have this guy in your life to some extent since you're pregnant by him, might as well try to make it as pleasant as possible. Not to mention it is 1000 times healthier for the kids to see their parents behaving civilly rather than being filled with seething resentment for each other.

[mrsvincenoir]

Whats he done? Werent you asking earlier how to forgive yourself?

Not sure what's going on but I say if you are pregnant you need to stop worrying about him now and concentrate on looking after yourself and your baby/s and avoid such stress as this.

[Danni]

He has not don't too much, that's the problem.... I was asking to forgive myself as well from my past mistakes in and after the relationship.....And I agree the focus has finally reached the babies and no longer the two of us.... I just have better clarity today...you see, I am dealing with depression on top of the twin pregnancy. I don't expect anyone to truly understand.... unless you've been preggo with twins, diagnosed depressive or simply just walked in my shoes.

Thanks for looking out.

[jbone79]

Lol, don't suggest this idea! She will call you bitter. She's a crazy bastard child producing drama queen nutjob. Your answer is a good one that makes sense, but bat sh*t crazy single mama drama is much more fun. I'm sure she's going to have like 8 kids on welfare beacuse she likes the idea of getting 8 bags of candy at halloween instead of 1 or something to that effect of lunacy. - j

[Danni]

Hhaha.. Once again, you don't know me....You are bitter! and ingnorant to the world around you.

[jbone79]

Lol, you don't know me either. I have no reason to be bitter and I doubt that disagreeing with your world view makes me ignorant. nice try. - j

[mrsvincenoir]

Actually,i was diagnosed with reactive depression while I was carrying my son-his father was abusive though and that's why.It can feel like the world has ended but you have to keep your eye on the ball and think you will soon have two beautiful babies-be strong for them and forgive yourself for them if you can't find another reason,

[Danni]

Yeah life as def seemed so dark. Depression is a horrible illness and I am glad I am finally seeking the help I needed a long time ago. So I actually thank him for that. It's been a rough road and I am trying...

[TexPlayboy]

I think you are a wise woman. Bitterness is an inner pain, and makes you and your babies unhappy. Enjoy the moment, and bring a happy babies into the world. Twenty years from now you will be much happier about the mature choice you are making now.

Whether your ex returns the favor or not, you are being a good mom by being a good ex-girlfriend.

Good Luck

James

[Anonymous]

I did it to a girl once after several big fights... It was great fun. She was REALLY confused and ended up feeling stupid and apologized for the whole ordeal.

With that said, I don't think you should, especially if you plan on coming off as sarcastic with it. It'll just add tension once he gets frustrated with it which is no good for your future child.

[larry69]

Killing people with kindness works through reverse psychology...It will work if done over an extended period of time..It will make him think and if it works feel guilty as he should..I say give kindness a shot..Go for it!