Is it a broken heart or a bruised ego?

[Bluemax]

I was in the library today after tutoring one of my students and I came across a book I think entitled A Smart Girl's Guide to Sticky Situations. I think that was it. Any rate, I thumbed through it and got to a section about dating wherein I read about the topic of rejecting men. I can't quote it verbatim, but I remember it talking about rejecting a man "kindly and quickly" (I like that term "kindly" instead of "gently"). It went on to mention that men's egos can be hurt, yet nowhere did it say anything about our hearts being hurt, as if we have none. It isn't just this book. I've seen this in many other places. People talk about bruising a man's ego, yet many never seem to talk about hurting a man's heart. To some women and even some men (PLEASE note I said "some," by no means all), it seems as if men generally have no heart to hurt. If he is upset, it must be his ego and not his heart. I so very seldom see if a woman is upset, it must be her ego that's hurt. She has a broken heart. He has a bruised ego.

I've seen this many times. It's only his ego that's bruised, but not his heart.

Please understand I'm not denying that often times it's quite correct to say "it's only his ego that's bruised." However, I believe often times that's both inaccurate and even callous.

[lisette]

If you want my honest opinion, I believe it depends on the intuitions of said male. If this mans only intentions are sexual and with out substance, I can see how there ego would be bruised; their heart wasn't really involved. However, if this man really liked this woman, I definitely believe there heart would be bruised. At the end of the day I don't believe this book was meant to offend you. Instead, I think it was targeted to young girls, who would be dealing with teenage boys with raging hormones; who wouldn't have the purest intentions. I am not sure if this is an answer you were looking for, but I can assure you I tried my best. I hope I was of help.

[Bluemax]

The book didn't offend me nearly as much as people who have said it about grown men. I was once a young man myself. I had raging hormones myself. I still had a heart even when my hormones raged. Virtually every single man you've ever known, hormones raging or not, has had a heart to varying degrees.

[pr3ttybr0wn]

it depends on the situation

if we got to know each other over time, he could have had feelings for me and then his heart could have possibly been broken when I reject him

but if don't know me, or barely know me ur just trying to get with me for my looks. u can't have true feelings bc u don't know me. so its just ur ego. most situations are like this unless the guys in the friend zone for a while

[Bluemax]

I don't think one needs to know someone very well to have one's heart hurt by someone not finding them attractive. I do not think that's always ego. There was a study I heard on NPR, I think it was Radio Lab, that talked about different people's responses to rejection. There is a correlation between how people take rejection and brain anatomy, and certainly brain chemistry.

Why then, by the way, do people seldom say when a woman is hurt by rejection when she barely knew the guy, that it's not female ego? Frankly, how often have you even heard those two words put together?

[nerual92]

Because a lot of people don't realise that breakups hurt men worse, because they have a harder time dealing with emotion. Girls can gab to their friends.. but who can the guy turn too?

[Bluemax]

His friends. We often do. However, I would agree that we do have a harder time doing so because we are, to some extent, expected to suck it up.

[Bluemax]

Thanks for sounding off, by the way.

[nerual92]

Sure, but I noticed that sometimes men have deep heartfelt emotions. So many magazines make it sound like men are just sex crazed. What they dont understand is sex is a lot of times a way a man feels loved bc it makes him feel respected & desired.

[Bluemax]

Hmm. Interesting.