Why doesn't he make eye contact with me? Why does he seem afraid to talk to me? I'm convinced that he is attracted to me. :-/?

[ilovenate]

He says he likes me. (But then again, when I first met him 2-3 weeks ago, I had a strong sense that he just really needed a girlfriend in his life.)

He loves having sex with me. And when we walk around town he's always massaging the back of my neck. When i meet him, when we stand in the lift, he stands close and tentatively pats my bum.

He's the sweetest guy ever -- looked after me when I was drunk off my face the first night I met him, brought my sandals to me in the morning, makes sure I'm not cold in bed, makes sure I've got pillow and am comfortable, ... he's is not, however, good at making sure I'm okay in public. E. g. In the club, he does an awful job of making sure I'm not feeling awkward etc. I don't need to be entertained, but he couldn't understand why I engaged in conversation with another guy. I had to explain to him that it was because he made me feel that he wasn't interested in the fact that I was there.

When we sit down to lunch, he seems so incredibly shy. When I ask him to make a decision about food orders, if he suggests something and I stare at him, he says with the least confidence I've ever seen in a man, "I don't know... okay maybe not deepfried mushrooms..." T_T Oh! He should have just said, "I don't care what that face is all about. These are gonna be awesome. If you don't like them, more for me." He has NO assertiveness. T_T :(

When we walk around the CBD at lunch hour, he seems unable to make eye contact. :'( I told him that I feel strongly as though he is disinterested and that I'm not good enough, and he says he doesn't mean to come across that way and that I AM good enough and that he really loves spending time with me. SO, WHY doesn't he seem more interested? :-C? or more confident etc. :'( This *really* bothers me.

Updates

+1 y

He says he's "quiet a lot". But his Facebook photos suggest that he's tonnes of fun. :-/ What's going on. :( ?

[BearsAnswers]

Some guys just don't have assertive or confident personality types. That may never change. He could be perfect for you in every way, but never come out of that shell. He could also be somewhere on the mild autism spectrum, that would cause social anxiety, shyness, and especially difficulty with eye contact.

If you are looking for a sweet, attentive guy, it looks like you've found one. If you are looking for an assertive, take charge alpha male, you most certainly have not found one. Doesn't have anything to do with his interest level in you, as he seems genuinely interested. But if you feel more comfortable being in a relationship with a guy that acts more alpha you could be left wanting quite badly here.

[ilovenate]

Wow I think you have really hit the nail on the head.

You've analysed it quite accurately I think. This was what I suspected. I will have to find out more about him and make a decision. Let's hope this doesn't prove painful.

[BearsAnswers]

It can be very frustrating when you find a partner that ticks a whole bunch of boxes, but then fails badly in one or two that are very important. But if it is important to you, it will always be a source of frustration.

I also hope that it doesn't end up being too painful. Good luck.

[geri3ttc]

How old is this guy and what are his previous relationships like? To me it seems like he's way in his shell or just an introvert by nature. Also, don't base a guys interest on his conversation, but by his actions. Body language is always the true indicator of a person's motive and intentions.

[ilovenate]

He's 30, and he's had numerous girlfriends before. He's an expat and had plenty of flings since coming here.

He's really sweet -- slept on the couch the first night he had to look after me, when I was drunk and throwing up. Carried me even though I was sorta able to walk. He said there was attraction even before he knew what I looked like (because i only started texting him because a mutual friend's phone ran out of battery so his phone ended up being used to communicate with me, and that's how we started talking firstly by text).

I think he's a great guy, and that's why I bother enduring his introvertedness and putting in the (exhausting) effort to coax him out of his shell, but I told him that I really wish he'd come out of his shell on his own precisely because it tires me out quickly.

[Imtheone88]

Some people are just shy, you have to accept him the way he is. He sounds like a terrific guy.

[ilovenate]

I believe he is as well. :'( Which is why I take offense at the thought that he can be terrific around others, just not around me.

[Imtheone88]

There's no reason he would do that. Ah come on girl, relax and enjoy your time with him. Be positive, be patient. Time will show everything. For now just enjoy and go with the flow, don't force anything. Don't rely on Facebook photos.

[Kshppatel]

Sounds like a great guy. Some people can't be really confident and assertive. I'm not like that either.

[ilovenate]

Thank you! He's so lovely when we're alone together at his place. I laugh so much with him for some reason and I feel so so so comfortable, and he's huge too so that makes me feel so safe.

It's just the issue of how underconfident he seems in public that bothered me a little, but after reading the comments here, I feel ready to give him more of a chance. :)

[Kshppatel]

You probably help in making him feel confident. I'm guessing the whole thing where you were talking to another guy at the club or whatever probably got his confidence down. Well at least thats the way I am I don't know about him.