Why doesn't my BF want to sleep over anymore?

[Anonymous]

My BF of over two and a half years used to sleep over at least once a week. He owns his own home about 40 mins away and has several dogs. As of early this summer he has slept over maybe a total. of three times. When I asked him about it the first time he expressed when he sleeps over he starts his day way later then he intends and also needs to attend to the dog. I told him I understand. Just recently I brought it up again and told him I missed him sleeping ove. He says "I'm always sleeping what are you talking about" (like he didn't hear me correctly). I then say "I meant with me" he says "I fall asleep w you on the couch" and got quiet so I said s bit sadly "I guess you just don't want to' he says "oh stop"

What gives? Why won't he sleep over anymore?

[ManThatKnewTooMuch]

You're over thinking this. He's a grown man with other responsibilities. The relationship has progressed to a more "secure" stage where he isn't chasing you ALL the time anymore. It does not mean that he stopped caring.

Honestly, I'm surprised he went over to your house as often as he did. 40 minutes? Christ, that's a long ass drive. I recently dumped a girl for that... for the long distance. I've also had a girlfriend (now Ex) of 4 years who I only saw once or twice a week even though she lived a mile away, literally.

That Ex of mine starting feeling just as neglected as you. She let it eat away at her and she accused me of not caring. Don't let that be you. Don't become resentful. Guys are just in a different mindset than women. We don't need that constant bombardment of affection. If you didn't call us for a few days we wouldn't even think twice (normal, non-possessive guys).

You know, if the dude has his own house then what's keeping you from going out there and visiting HIM? I'm sure he would be cool with it.

[Asker]

Love your advice and know I shouldn't let this eat away at me. Yes we're probably more secure...

About his house - he's honestly embarrassed by it. I have been up there a few times but never slept over. He doesn't have bedroom. furniture, he's very messy and had the dogs indoors for quite some time so me going there not happening...

[ManThatKnewTooMuch]

Ok well if you are taking this dude seriously then you may end up living together, right? Tell him to clean his place up, period, and that you're spending next weekend over there.

That just sounds like a bullshit excuse to me - it honestly sounds like he's a pretty lazy guy.

[Asker]

He is EXTREMELY lazy. You don't even know...

I've been hinting moving in recently and he makes no effort to change the situatio. Sucks right?

[ManThatKnewTooMuch]

That DOES suck. I wouldn't be smooth about it if I were you. Just be up front and put him on blast. Tell him to get his shit together, yesterday, and that you're staying over next weekend lol.

I'm serious tho. Make him clean up after himself because nobody wants to be in a LTR with a hoarder-type of person.

[Asker]

You're making a lot of sense... I def need to be more direct/assertive

[ManThatKnewTooMuch]

Yeah, just play it off matter-of-factly. Women have knack for turning into "bitches" when they're trying to be assertive. Know what I mean? Don't get pissed off about it, don't give attitude... just say it as a matter of fact.

[ManThatKnewTooMuch]

And thanks for Most Helpful. I do my best ;o)

[Asker]

I agree be matter of factly instead of bitcj or pissdd off. I'm sure it make s world of difference.

[yaddayaddayadda02]

Maybe he just likes his own place. Do you sleep over there?

[Asker]

See above

[Asker]

Sorry - see below (reply to ManThatKnewTooMuch)

[legalboxers]

I like neutral places when I sleep with people (hence my points on my hilton card)

[Asker]

You are funny!! So your take is he's sleeping around so can't sleep anywhere else in order to stay neutral?

[legalboxers]

thats just me. I mean, last person I dated, her ex showed up when I slept at her house. thats my personal safety

[Anonymous]

, maybe he just doesn't wanna sleep over?