Very flirty and talkative over tect, quiet, silent and avoids me in person?

[Anonymous]

We text a lot, throughout the day or for hours at a time and send silly suggestive memes we find online. When i text him about something serious, he changes the topic to sex or something sexual.
In person, he gets quiet, can hardly look at me, would rather pretend that I'm not there or sit away at a distance. It isn't because he hates me or anything... it's like he doesn't want to seem obvious maybe? He just nods and then sits down or glances at me silently. If i happen to come in and sit next to him, he is silent at first then will finally have the nerve to speak to me but never looks at me. He does not act this way with any other girl!! He watches if a guy approaches me and hits on me! I hate the awkward silence!

Please help!! Why would a guy act like this?

Updates

+1 y

If he is shy, why does he looked at me so freaked out or scared in person? We know eachother very well. Im not judgmental or mean. I'm always so happy to see him but he looks at me so worried or like he has a stomache ache! What the heck?

[JerseyGreatLife]

In texts you can take the time to think about what you want to say and make yourself appear more sexual confident than you really are in person. I think that is part of why we text more than we talk, when we text we can be our own editor. He might just feel less confident in real time. Maybe you should stop waiting for him to initiate and try a more direct approach yourself.

[Asker]

We text do often that his responses are usually very very quick. Uninhibited. Other times, yes, he can think over his response.

[dakraziest]

because he lacks social skills, he thinks u will not like him in person. Perks of living in the world of tech we are way more comfortable hiding behind a screen, u need to talk to him and show him that u like him as much in person as u do online

[Asker]

I try!! Imagine walking i to a room w a happy smile on your face. You sit next to or near the person you adore. They look at you like a deer in headlights. Panicked. They quickly look you up and down and then turn rigid. Pretend like they don't see you even if you sit right smack next to them. The sit there silently, tapping their knee as you think to yourself..."do they hate me? Do i smell? Do i embarass them?" So you sit there in silence as the have absolutely no problem whatsoever talking to anyone else or anyone that approaches them. Full on eye contact and attention. Finally, they break the ice but, as delightfu and engaged l as the conversation is, you spend the entire time (2 or 3 hours) ataring at the side of their face and manage to catch a glance, maybe 2. The night before you spent 2 hours texting silly pretend situations that surround the notion or suggestion of something sexual. Yet, in an instant, it's like this never happened. Over and over and over again!!!

[dakraziest]

wow, this dude is complicated and i dont mean that in a good sense
u need to find teh reason ask him upfront what the problem is

[Asker]

Lol... i would if he would not freak out like he does!

[abundantlyrich]

He is an introvert

[Asker]

But only acts like this with one person? ?

[abundantlyrich]

Its hard for guys like him to initiate, let alone translate his intentions verbally. It looks like he's not comfortable at first but once time goes by, they will come out of their shell. Social anxiety or fear of rejection maybe?

[Asker]

Time has definitely gone by. He has struggled like this with me (and ONLY ME) for quite some time

[abundantlyrich]

Shy disease

[Asker]

No kidding :/

[abundantlyrich]

Hold his hand gently and say to him. Don't be afraid now. I'm here for you.

[Asker]

He woukd probably turn beet red or pee himself! He jumps as if i electric shocked him if i touch him

[abundantlyrich]

He needs a challenge

[Electric_Dreams]

He sounds like he needs to grow the flip up! He can talk to a girl over text and even flirt with her over text and send sexually suggestive messages but in person he can't talk? That's kids stuff.

[Asker]

Sigh... no idea why he a ts this way.

[Electric_Dreams]

Maybe he had aspergers like me.. I used to be like that but then I somehow started to realise that talking to women in person is not a big deal that they are just people. I now find it easier to talk to women in person than online. Texting is cheating really.. not a true reflection of the individual. Maybe you should just straight up tell him that you want him to talk to you as much in person as he does online, and then tell him that to encourage him to do so you are going to stop responding to his online messages. Maybe he'll think you're being mean, but of he does then he's missing the point.

[Asker]

I wpuld think he does, however; he had absolutely no problem talking to, facing and making direct eye contact with other women. Not one bit. With me, and only me, he shuts down.

[Electric_Dreams]

The behaviour being exclusive to you makes me think that he does not have aspergers then. Thing is what he likes you but that means he can't even talk to you properly? Doesn't work does it. Here's something.. there are three kinds of crushes I have:-

1. I have a crush on her before I know her - Usually I am really nervous and shy and awkward around her

2. I know her before I have a crush on her. After realising I have a crush suddenly it becomes much more difficult for me to talk to her because I get nervous and awkward.

3. I know her before I have a crush on her, but I feel so easy and comfortable around her that I always feel great around her and can still play it cool and talk real good n' nice to her. These girls usually have aspergers like me.

Thing is, this guy doesn't have a number 3 crush on you so it doesn't really work. How the hell does he get over the awkwardness and quietness of 1 or 2 type crush? I don't even know myself, since those kinds of crushes of mine

[Electric_Dreams]

have never gone anywhere, and it should be obvious why.

Those kind of crushes don't do anyone any good but unfortunately they exist. Seems that's what is happening here. I don't know how you get past it.. be very actively talkative with him? Make a great effort to elicit a response, light heartedly though. Joke with him light heartedly and throw a few compliments in. In other words, and this is important - have fun with him. Just be laid back and try and have fun with him when talking to him and hopefully he should relax. That's where I think you should start. If that doesn't work then maybe you just tell him that you like him.. or give him a hug or a flirtatious touch on his hand or a kiss on the cheek some time. But don't do that yet. Try the fun, get him to relax thing first. That's just my advice.

[Asker]

IF, he has feelings for me... he is most definitely #2!! Most times he just shuts down and moves away from me. If he finally feels comfortable (after a drink or two) he chats and jokes away with me yet never looks at me. Last night sucked as he was like stone and got up and moved away.

[Electric_Dreams]

He needs to drink to even talk to you in person.. yet online he can border on having cyber sex with you.. I'm sorry but the guy sounds quite substantially pathetic. And I can't remember if you said you like him but I think it seems quite clear he likes you.. so if you do like him then you've got a mutual thing going on.. although I am surprised if you do because I thought usually girls are unimpressed and ultimately turned off by guys that are too nervous to talk them properly.

[Asker]

I do like him. Very much. Just when i think we progress, he acts painfully awkward in person.

[GregLaPro]

Scared. You should start to talk to him in person to let him become comfortable with you!

[Asker]

I've tried. He is rigid and quiet. Stares down or straight ahead. After a while he sits there tapping his knee, anxious. Other times he just gets up and walks away and moves. Like it is too much. Today i came in and sat next to him. He nodded at me. Mumbled a hello. Got uo to go get something, came back 5 mins later and moved away from me eventhough no one had taken any seat around me. Came back in, looking like deer in headlights, nodded at me with a worried look on his face, then scurried past and sat down a few seats away.

[edeline]

Do some reverse psychology and fail to acknowledge him. Text him if he text you but stop replying after a while, he'll get curious and seek you out for an explanation :P

[Error_204]

Isn't this just basic shyness?

[Asker]

You consider this basic? This isn't a case of me just meeting thus guy. I've know him for a while. I just don't understand why his behavior is vastly different.

[Error_204]

That's textbook shyness. It's stable, consistent behavior.

[Asker]

So... what do you suggest i do? It hurts that he avoids me or shuts down in person.

[Error_204]

Accept this trait or abandon him for it.

[Asker]

I am shy too... but not to this extreme. I would imagine that he would be like this with oother people as well. Quite the opposite.

[Error_204]

Yeah, standard.

[Asker]

So, not shyness but shyness when it comes to attraction?

[Error_204]

Yep. Or rather shyness when it comes to emotional confrontations.