Are men ashamed of being broke?

My guy friend I've been seeing recently lost his job. When this happened he said I wouldn't see much now that he had no job which confused me. But now a few weeks in I really haven't seen him or spoken to him much I tried to talk to him but he didn't seem interested. After thinking about it I realized that he might feel ashamed about being broke. The weeks when he got paid I always saw him. He would either take me out or come to my house with food and drinks. Once he even brought me some groceries. But those weeks in between checks and I didn't see him too much but still talked to him. While I understand his situation I don't get why he won't talk to me or come around. We could just hang out at each other houses or something he doesn't have to spend money on me I've never asked him to he did all those things on his own but now he's distant. Do guys really feel this way about not having money that they avoid people.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Being the starving college student I am and my girlfriend being a teacher, she didn't care if I was broke so long as we spent time together :3 I felt ashamed at first then she told me that she'd rather spend time with me and be completely broke then to have money and spend no time at all with one another x3

    I don't think he's used to seeing you without having some money in his wallet and feel ashamed as you mentioned. Try encouraging and telling him that it's ok if he's broke as there are other things you two can do :D Does he like being around you a lot? :3

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    • i think he does like being around me but i saw him a lot more when he had money compared to when he doesn't. What can i do when he barely talks to me?

    • You may have to wait till he pops out again if you can't contact him at all. I'm wondering if he values money too much? That he has become so prideful about it because he kept paying stuff for you and now believes that without money, he's not worth much to you :(

Most Helpful Girl

  • Yeah, they feel bad about it. Most men feel that they should work and earn money and therfore be able to provide for themselves and afford a comfortable life. A man's accomplishments are usually linked to his career/job and his assets. It's from generations of men telling other men that in order to be a valued and productive members of society, they need to work and be able to aquire the possessions they want.

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What Guys Said 19

  • It depends. Honestly, guys are taught the idea that their worth as a person is measured through the money they make. A guy can do his "dream job" yet if he's only making 30k/yr off of it, his friends and family may ridicule him and call him "unsuccessful." So after a while guys get the idea that all the "cliche" sayings women say about "just needing to support himself" are bold faced lies girls say so they don't look shallow.

    Guys will always have it in the back of their head that girls want money because girls outright write things in their online dating profiles that a guy's car "says a lot about him" or that if he don't have a bachelor's degree or higher that she won't date him or if he don't have his own place she won't date him. So with girls constantly associating a guy's worth with what he has and not who he is, the less a guy has, the less he is gonna feel he is worth.

    There are plenty of cases on the flipside where I have heard of guys leeching off of girls, but they get dumped usually although some do get a very good amount of leeching done depending on how long they're together. There's plenty of girls who have that story of dating a bum who lived with his mom playing video games 8 hours a day while she kept having to pay for everything.

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  • Yes it does pose a problem for almost all guys that have been used to having money. It does indeed bother us that are in a relationship in more ways than it does a bachelor. It is embarrassing to go from being able to take our Lady out or simply buy a gift for her. I know I have been told that it doesn't matter to y'all ladies but it does to us guys. It's sort of like we aren't who we are used to being if that makes sence

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  • Why would we not? Women love security and the security is gone when you lose your job. It makes us feel like we aren't a man.

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    • i don't feel that way just because your going through a tough time doesn't make you less of a man as long as your trying your best that what matters most at least to me

  • If he is ashamed of being broke, It means that he wants better. If he is trying to build his situation up to better than what it was, Then I consider it a good thing. Sometimes when life's circumstances come around like what it has the guy you are talking about, Sometimes they need time to reflect and put the pieces back together. Us guys don't like for people to see that things are not on the up and up in our worlds. I guess it's a sign of weakness. Us guys don't like to show that side.

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  • See you can go to his place take some food may be his fav or just some drinks or something
    And not a lot of it so that he doesn't feels as if you've spent a lot of money for you guys because he never wanted you to do (as it seems like by what you said)
    And just spend some time with him
    And explain him that friendship is not just for the good times
    It's about enjoying together even more at tough times :)

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  • Yes I'll tell you why because I hav been in that situation.. I liked this girl but I lost my job to and now i had time to go see her but no money to take her out to eat or to even pump some gas so I was ashamed and didn't go to her house but when I got a job and got some money I felt better and went to see her.. So yes we do feel ashamed well I don't know if I spea for every body but at least for myself

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    • did you at least talk or her stayed away completely until you found a new job... what could I do to make him feel better?

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    • just one more thing did you miss her while you were away? how did she feel while you were gone and how was it when you came back around?

    • Yea I missed her a lot.. Well I was honest with her and told her my reasons why I did come around she understood then it was all back like how it was

  • Yup, money is a sensitive topic for men, as equal as the size of his penis.

    When I went through hard times, I did feel as if I did not want to talk to anybody.

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  • ashamed is a strong word but maybe a little embarrassed because he lost his job. all you can do is continue to support him emotionally. maybe offer to take him out. or cook something with him. how proactive are you being about the relationship

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  • It depends. There have been times I haven't been able to hang out with friends because I didn't have enough money but I wasn't ashamed that I was broke. But that's just me I can't speak for all guys.

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  • Yeah, we see guys who have nice cars and nice apartments or condos and dress up and go out to expensive bars and clubs... and feel like a failure.

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  • Some guys believe that having a successful career is something girls find important in a guy.

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    • And you do see guys out there with big houses and cool cars and they can instantly attract any girl they like. That's probably why some of us think that way...

  • I'm broke and proud! No money, no problems... just kidding

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  • Long answer short, yes.

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  • It sure as hell mind fucks my friend.

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  • It hurts a man's pride more than anything.

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  • A man being broke is like a woman being ugly.

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  • Maybe he thinks you won't like him since he ran out of money. Lots of guys think girls only want a guy with money so when they have no job they think they can't afford a girl anymore

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  • Yes. Men are taught from a young age that their worth is dependant on earnings and title. This is reinforced by most women considering earning ability as one of the most important factors in a man. Woman can be or do whatever they want, very few men hold high importance on a woman's job or title. But for men it is very important what you do.
    Unfortunately in life, things go wrong with careers: layoffs, cutbacks, decreases in wages, lack of education, lack of opportunity, etc . can all destroy a man's potential and thus make him less desirable to women. One of the first things women ask is what do you do. Which has nothing to do with my intelligence, my heart, my personality, or my ability to care for those around me. My worth as a person is considered directly related to my job.
    Because of all of this men become very ashamed of being broke or for not having a good job going for them.

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  • Yeah, but only because women are gold digging bitches, so we have to be concerned about it if we ever want to get their attention, otherwise I would've pursued a career I was really passionate about and make enough to just support myself.

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    • you feel that way because you probably don't have what it takes to get a girls attention mr anonymous

    • I guess I'm not a women. I dont care how much my man makes.
      I actually slightly hate when guys spoil me.
      I like to spoil my man... Although currently i can't and it pisses me off

What Girls Said 3

  • Unless he is a gold digger then yes lol but at least he was honest about why he has withdrawn from seeing you

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  • Sadly. Society has told men unless they make bank they aren't really men

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  • Hell, I'm ashamed of being broke.

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