What goes through a girl's mind when she's being raped?

[Anonymous]

When I was in high school it seemed like almost every girl you'd meet there had been raped at one time or another. It was really strange, I always assumed that most of them were just attention whores, kind of like girls that are into sports or video games and flaunt it.

Out of curiosity and to better understand the horror of rape and why it's so damaging to the female mental state. I asked a few girls that have told me they have been raped to only be shocked with being labeled a jerk for bringing it up. So I expect a lot of negative reaction to this question and really don't care because my curiosity out weighs my ability to care what you think about me. It's only for female benefit that guys like me understand what you had to deal with anyway, you never know who you might open up to in the future that could help you.

[Anonymous]

(read first - part one - read first)

I think some people have the wrong idea about all of this. Not to say that mine is right - but that it is definitely something to consider. I think it is wrong that women feel so shamed by their own trauma that they cannot even talk to those closest to them about. However, I do not think that it is the rape itself that causes this silence.

I think some of our silence and offense to your question comes from things so deeply rooted within us, we do not hesitate to question your motives because our own surely are "just". Women's sexuality has long been something to fear. Allow me to explain... Women since the Victorian age, have been raised on a moral pedestal, hence the idea of purity. Yet even before then, women's virginity was something that was sold and bartered. It was vitally important for women to remain chaste as it increased their chances of being married. If you were not a chaste maiden, the likelihood of you being used as a political pawn in marriage was slimmer, and if a woman was not married off she could be left homeless since women were not commonly allowed to function in society without a man to oversee her. This is why a woman's chastity has such a high value placed on it, by both men and women. I doubt a man's virginity is held in as high of regard as women's. It is this higher value on women's chastity that causes so much tension. Women who have sex before marriage are considered hussies, women are stoned to death for having sex before marriage, women's vaginas are sewn shut to maintain their purity before marriage. All throughout history our sexuality has been something to protect, something to fear, something to be ashamed of, something to not talk about lest it bring all manner of temptations to the men around us. Even today, women are blamed for being victims of rape; they were too beautiful, or too flirty, or dressed too provocatively. All of this has lead, at least in part, to the silence and the fear surrounding this subject.

If you think about it the same high value of a woman's chastity that causes all this silence, is the same high value that causes you to question these girls allegations of rape. If it indeed was rape, then there is the possibility that her chastity remains in tact. If she is only claiming it to be rape, she is disguising her sexuality and hiding her loss of virginity for what it really is. In fact, that high value on chastity is the reason why some women DO lie... why they use rape as a cover for acts that they regret doing - their chastity is worth that lie. I personally don't think anything should be worth that much. A woman's virginity or her sexuality is not worth putting an innocent man in jail, it is not worth starting new relationships with a lie, it is not worth accusing victims of blame, and it is definitely NOT worth the silence that binds its victims in more ways than the rapist ever could. I speak out on behalf of all those who remain silent...

[Anonymous]

(read second - part two - read second)

I break the silence. I am a victim of rape, and even knowing all that I do I keep my anonymity out of fear of being judged because women's sexuality is something to fear and question. This is my story. The story of why my rape was so damaging to me.

Leading up to the rape there was a will to fight back, to prevent it. Thoughts weren't really racing, my mind just acted on instinct while my body fought back. All thoughts focused on "how do I get out of this situation?" and turned into actions almost instantly. When my attempts at fighting back failed was when the real onslaught of thoughts hit me. What is going to happen to me? What should I do next? Will some one hear me if I cry out? Will that make him angrier? It's almost like he entered my mind - my body couldn't search for a way out; it was already defeated - so my mind took up the fight for me. That is the best way I can describe it. My mind eventually had failed... it failed in fighting itself and it failed in fighting to find a way out of the situation. All avenues my mind took back fired. No amount of pleading would stop what was happening. My mind simply broke down. And when I mean broke down, I mean it was done fighting. I wasn't aware of anything that was going on at this point. It was all just happening while I was far, far away - deep inside myself - disconnected in an attempt to shield me from what was happening. When your mind breaks down your spirit is next, and so was mine. I started to plead with God... trying to reason with him how this was happening... why would he let this happen to me... where was my guardian angel tonight? Eventually my soul broke. Even God couldn't save me now. What was done was done. All of me fought to protect and all of me failed. Everything gave up, everything broke down, everything went silent and I just had to wait until it all went away... until it all stopped... I started to despise this waiting period, this time that I wasn't fighting. I despised myself for not trying harder... even in the moment I despised myself. I just let it happen and tried to ignore it all as if that would help. By that point I didn't care about the questions that started so early on in my mind. I didn't care what was going to happen next - I didn't care what was going to happen to me. I failed in every way possible so I might as well let him have his way with me. If he killed me maybe I'd be that much better off. Then when I lived... when I didn't die... when I was left to face the aftermath of my broken self *shakes head* when I had to relive that aftermath for the police days after. To this day it still makes my blood run cold and makes me shake. No one should have to feel that kind of emptiness... no one should have to relive that kind of emptiness... not even in nightmares.

*shakes head*

I hope that answers your question.

[Anonymous]

Sex for a woman isn't just pleasure. It's pleasure because you're with someone you love, you're being intimate and close with him, you're connecting with this guy you just want to be close to so badly. You make yourself vulnerable to him (because as lulubear said, the fact is that men are stronger, so we are always the vulnerable ones) and he still treats you well. He shows his affection for you and makes you feel good. Contrast that with having someone you feel uneasy around, forcing you to bare yourself to him, you're made to 'connect' with him and have him deep inside you, be as close to him as possible, when all you want to do is get as far away as you can. He hurts you and makes himself feel good. You're not a human, but a disposable toy.

I have never been raped, but a guy I knew did attempt to do so once, when I was quite young. Even just with that, even though no penetration happened, I knew where he was going and every time he touched me I felt an element of disbelief and detachment, that I couldn't possibly stay in the moment because it was too horrible to think about or really experience. I was 7 years old and about to be forced to have my most intimate and sensitive parts invaded and deflowered by this guy I knew (family, actually, though not the closest) and was supposed to be able to trust. Apart from simply being terrified - I didn't exactly know what sex entailed, that it would hurt the first time, that it would hurt even more without lubrication, any of that, I just knew it wasn't something I wanted to do yet - I felt disgusting. I think it can be likened to phobias - for example, if you're afraid of spiders, imagine them crawling all over you, and you can't do anything about it. Somehow I just felt like such a repulsive creature, and I don't know why it does that when HE's the repulsive one, but I did. I wanted to detach myself from it as much as possible, and I think if he'd gone through with it I would have remained detached where men and sex were concerned.

I got lucky. He heard my parents approaching and made himself scarce, like he'd never even been near me. I never told them, and you know why? Because I was afraid they might think I was making it up. Because they knew the guy and maybe they'd think I just wanted the attention. I guess there are girls out there that make these stories up, but they have their own problems if they really need attention so badly they're willing to lie like that. But seriously... I have a couple of friends who were raped in the past, and one of them tells me she finally told someone she trusted and they didn't believe her, and she felt so much worse then, like she didn't deserve to live and nobody would help her get over the pain. To tell someone something like that and have them say you're lying is one of the most hurtful things possible.

I know how I feel about what happened to me, and he never even got to go through with it. So take that description I just wrote and multiply it tenfold.

[kiikins]

I will answer this question because I used to think like this guy. When I'd hear girls in high school talk openly about how they'd been raped, I'd think "Really? Doubt it, if you're going around flaunting it in art class."

After going through it, however, I really regret thinking that way. While it's possible some girls are lying about it, it's also possible that talking about it is their desperate attempt to find somebody (anybody) to hear them out and comfort them. Everyone deals with things in different ways. Some people are very vocal about their issues, especially women. We're taught to discuss our problems, to seek shelter in the sympathy of others, and therefore it makes sense that many girls would share their problems with others.

My response, however, was a bit more explosive.

During the rape, I didn't know what was going on. I think the last girl to answer before me said it best: My initial reaction was to fight back, and then almost immediately I felt out of control and just detached myself from the situation. I stopped moving, I stopped thinking, I waited for it to be over. What could I possibly do? Nobody else was around and he was physically stronger than me. So in my case, the thoughts going through my head were confusion, fear, anger, panic, and then nothing.

This is as openly as I've ever been able to talk about my rape. It was only about 2 years ago, during my senior year of high school, and I was able to stuff it down and keep it a secret for a while. Not surprisingly, afterward I sort of sank into a deep depression. I didn't tell my boyfriend (at the time) for months and then only told him because I had been drinking. That year I stopped taking care of myself, stopped caring about my appearance, and contrary to what most girls seem to go through, allowed myself to stay in a relationship where I was mostly viewed as a sex object. For me, I think, it seemed like after that happened, that's all I was worth. I felt contaminated and disgusting and weak and didn't feel like I could do much better. Who would want to be in a relationship with someone so weak?

Eventually college came around and I started drinking heavily on the weekends, stopped going to school, and eventually stopped leaving my dorm room. I sank even deeper into depression eventually drunkenly told my best friend what happened. I told my current boyfriend about soon after we started dating. To this day, only about five people know, and I've been in therapy and am on anti-depressants. Still, I struggle with suicidal thoughts (and once, attempts) and sometimes have major problems even getting out of bed.

Currently I am starting to (slowly) get my life together and trying to learn to respect myself and my sexuality again, despite some big blows in recent months. So the girls you hear talking about their experience may just be dealing with their rape in the only ways they know how.

[16switches]

You are really strong, and I'm sure you can make it. Just hold on1!!!!

[Anonymous]

I have been a victim of rape twice, once when I was 16 (my first time) and again when I was 19. It is the most traumatic experiences I think I will ever have to deal with.

It's hard to describe the intense fear I felt especially to someone who has never been in that situation. As I sit here and try to think of words to describe it, no words even seem to compare.

Intense fear, embarrassment, and shame are a few. During the event, each time, I had no idea what was going to happen next...if he was going to break my nose, kill me, etc. It's also very physically painful. It felt like someone was trying to cut me in half ( I wasn't lubricated).

Anyway, it's since been 7 years since the first attack and 4 years since the second. There is not a day that goes by that I don't relive it. I have been in therapy for yrs.

As silly as this sounds, little things...like a guys hands, shoulders, hair color, beard, etc. can send me into a frenzy. I still deal with panick attacks. The worst is when I am dating someone new and they try and kiss me.

I have all these feelings coming back to me right now, and my brain can't think of the words fast enough to try and explain it so I'm just gonna stop.

[experimenting360]

I feel so sorry you had to go through something like that I hope it didn't scare what you think of men there are nice guys out there I really honestly hope that it won't ruin your life those experiences and I really hope you can recognize people with those intentions and are able to stay away from them I never heard of it happening twice to some one I'm really sorry.

[stimbo]

This is one of the few realistic answers to this question and I read this with nothing but feelings of hurt for you. Most of these girls just like to give attitudes while you really had this happen to you and yet you kept things on a professional level. I'm impressed with your resolve and one day you will have ALL of this behind you and that man that did those horrible things to you won't have anything over you anymore. Life will go on for you and the future is bright.

[lelebear]

While I agree with the other answers that it is not appropriate to ask someone this question. I will answer it. I was raped about 10 years ago so I have had time to deal with the emotional and physical effects of rape and am able to talk about it openly but for many they are not.

Emotionally it is very scarring. Someone is taking away all control from you. Someone is taking away what should only be given freely. For me it was someone I knew so it really took away my ability to trust other men. It made me realize how much stronger a man was and that even though I fought like hell it did not matter. He held me down like I was a small animal. And knowing that I could loose control of a situation simply because I was smaller was terrifying. Even now I will find myself steering away from a crowd of men. For me I have never really regained full trust of men. Also there is somewhat of a stigma to rape. Not only do you have to deal with the physical pain and terror of maybe being pregnant or catching a STD you have to deal with people looking at you differently some even blaming you.

[Anonymous]

Ok, while I understand your curiosity, rape is a pretty traumatic thing and it's not something you can just ask someone about like "how does it feel when you get your ears pierced?". If a girl wants to talk about it with you, she will, but I'm sorry to say it's doubtful you're going to find a girl who's comfortable describing her anguish about rape when you ask out of the blue. Think of the most traumatic experience you've ever had, the most emotional one, and then think about how it would feel if someone you don't know that well asked you to descibe how it felt out of the blue. It feels pretty invasive to have someone ask to satisfy their own curiousity, doesn't it? So, if you're really that curious, I suggest googling rape victim trauma for information so you can satisfy your curiousity in a general way without upsetting or offending anyone. I respect your desire to understand more about it, but I don't think it's something anyone can understand unless they've been through it, and that includes women.

[stimbo]

All a girl has to do is ignore the question or just say it's not appropriate instead of getting a bad attitude like most of the girls that answered this question.

[Opinion Owner]

True, but it's crossing a boundary that (judging by the majority of responses) social norms say is one you should really never cross. It's not about a girl's sexuality (which some would find inappropriate)- it's a question about something so personal and painful people have trouble talking to those they've known and trusted their entire lives about it let alone just a casual acquaintence. It immediately triggers an emotional response because it's such an intense subject- better not to ask.

[Anonymous]

I've been raped multiple times and the emotion that stands out to me the most is confusion and fear. I have no fucking clue what makes it so scary... I guess just the aggression behind it making you feel like the person is going to seriously harm you if you do something to make them angry. And the confusion... My God, the confusion. Just drawing a blank and knowing what's happening but also not knowing what's happening and how the fuck you got there why is it happening when is it going to end what do you do fight scream or shut up like they are telling you to. Then there's the body... You're wet and sometimes it feels good which is even more fucking confusing because why would your body react like that. So that's going through your mind with the disgust that you're feeling about it and thinking maybe you are the slut he's saying you are maybe you do deserve all of it maybe you're sick and fucked up just like he's saying you are maybe you did "want it". Of course that's just shit rapists say to fuck with your head. A lot of what turns them on is messing you up psychologically and making you feel like you have no control over anything - including your body. Then afterwards it's just the shame and the guilt. Having to live with it forever knowing what happened, knowing what they did, how it made you feel, what others would say, blaming yourself, trying to figure out all the confusing bits, dealing with the anger, betrayal and disappointment. My God it's just too fucking much. Sometimes I honestly just want to kill myself. But my rapists have already killed me. I'm permanently damaged and fucked up... I'm already dead.

[Anonymous]

do you have a mild form of social retardation? seriously you don't ask someone who has been raped what they felt. put yourself in this situation: lets say you were around a 6'4 buff homo thug fresh out of prison (I made him 6'4 and buff so he could easily overpower you) and he forced his huge penis inside your rectum and pretty much used you like a ragdoll how would you feel afterward? probably a mixture of sadness, disgust, fear and trauma right? I have never been raped myself but I am just guessing.

[stimbo]

That doesn't answer the question, the only thing what you said points out is that you were hurt by his question and felt it necessary to get him back by insulting him.

You got trolled and lost...

[Opinion Owner]

Wow another socially retarded answerer on girls ask guys. never would have guessed it. obviously from the comments you've left, you may have some issues that you need to deal with. instead of passive aggressively projecting them on someone else, use common sense. who are you to tell someone they shouldnt get an attitude when asked such a question? clearly you have poor social skills. work on that hun.

[MamaAmanda]

I fantasize about rape and it used to be really intense sometimes I just dated a stranger from the internet to fulfill my fantasies, we'd just meet someplace and I just pretended to be a innocent girl and get it on and I loved it!

But that's me and my fantasy but some girls/women that have experienced it against their wills must be grossed out and feel violated and used dirty and go numb because it's the only way to cope.

[Anonymous]

I was sexually abused as a child and curious to know why your so eager to know, the reason I'm asking this is because my x boyfriend kept asking me about how I felt and how I feel towards blokes now wanted to know every thing and came up with an excuse that his niece had been mauled and wanted to know how she felt it turned out that he was a pedophile and has done time for rape and the real reason he was asking was because he wanted to know how is victim felt.

[Anonymous]

How about I come up behind you when you're not expecting it with a huge 12" strap on, shove it up your arse DRY and lets see what goes through your mind then?

[hunnie-bunches]

imagine a big scary ugly man holding you down and plugging you in your a$$ hole without your permision...

[sniper27]

LOLLL

[stimbo]

That doesn't answer his question...

[Oddjob]

"...kind of like irks who are into sports or video games and flaunt it." Really?! WTF?!

[Anonymous]

you might be expecting negative reactions because we all highly suspect you of being a rapist yourself. freak.

[Anonymous]

The same thing what goes through man's mind when being raped in prison.

[Littletad]

This is a sick question that should not be asked.

[what-do-guys-want]

What the f***