How can I learn to accept the fact that I'm a loser and will be alone for the rest of my life?

Question

How can I either turn asexual or learn to accept the fact that I'm a loser, and will be alone for the rest of my life?

I'm not asking for any advice on how to get a girlfriend. I've come to the realization that no woman other than my grandma is ever going to love me. I just want to know how I can be okay with being alone?

The-Nash · Accepted Answer

On a personal note, my aunt is someone who I can remember having one relationship when I was younger and after her and her boyfriend broke up she moved in with my grandmother and became a hermit. Now, I'm not trying to put-down my aunt (I love her she's my aunt but this is the honest cold truth), I'm just using her as an example because it's what you asked. When you single yourself out from the rest of society you put yourself at risk of being singled out and being the butt-end of jokes and things like that (even from family members) just from the fact that people don't think of the things they say or who they affect half of the time they say stuff. People are spontaneous and/or sometimes cruel. And my aunt has gone through this and experienced it from my family. And it doesn't help getting integrated again after singling yourself out. Not only are there criticism and jokes, but you end up being the person who hears all the "aww, you should'a been there. . . " stories. And that sucks, too. But to top it off, life is meant to be lived and you can't live it inside your house All The Time. Do you know how many crossword puzzles my aunt has done? . . . About a Million. Do you know how many cats she has fed?. . . even more. The point is - if you give up, EddyMetal- This IS YOUR FUTURE. Now, that's pretty boring, don't you agree. However, if you choose to just give up I think we should look at a few things first. The majority of people we meet in this world we know for how long? . . . 10 minutes to a month? You know, how many people come and go? So why care about overly impressing them? Or, why can't they try to impress you? See, you never really can be sure what the outcome will be when things change all the time. Who says you can't change? It would only be yourself and the few people whom whoever you heard this from. and if you do that, you don't want to become familiar with it because that's the bar you set for yourself and it becomes a self-fulfilling-prophecy. And that's a losing game.

But the thing is we often find conflict over instant gratification (instant answers) and steps toward progress (patience). And if you think in terms of "I have to change by the time I get to school/work tomorrow" your facing a long uphill road. But if you take little steps towards personal successes and chip away at the "loser" identity you've written here you'll break out of that way of thinking. You have to find little things that are going to make you happy, challenge yourself and look at the progress you make and what changes work and didn't work and evolve from there. But that's all stuff that's going to come from looking at how things are now and how you want them to be five, ten years/whatever from now and aim for that, you know. If you want instant "success" buy a lottery ticket and hope for the best.

WhatIsThisIDont · Accepted Answer

If there's one thing that seems true, its that nothing is ever going to happen to make you happy. You have to make your own happiness. I feel the same way, believe me. 24 f***ing years old and never had a girlfriend. That's sad. More than sad, that's sick and I know it. I convinced myself that no one could ever love me and basically decided to be asexual. I just don't try anymore. You know what? I'm still not happy. Giving up definitely isn't going to work and I realize all it takes is a little initiative and self-confidence. Just a little. Maybe one day I will act on this advice myself but its the only way it seems. Hmm.

Well... no reason to listen to a hypocrite I guess. You can live alone in a sh*tty apartment like I do and go to your regular job and hate life and everyone around you if you want to. That's about it. Good luck.

ivarei · Accepted Answer

first of all, I agree with miss anonymous. you're a good looking kid, you're just a bit socially retarded. a socially retarded 16 year old...what could be more normal? you're in a majority!

but you seem to be begging for some sort of confirmation that you're not hopeless, and if you're not looking for that, then you certainly look like you are based on the nonsense you post on here.

like how you should convert to Catholicism or get a mail order bride...you're 16! why are you worried about your marriage prospects?! now I don't know what you're like in real life, I don't know if you're groveling for attention at school like you do on this website, or if you're the stereotypical metal head who's head banging in the hall and screaming like Dethlock and Gwar (still looking for attention), or if you're the quiet type who's just hoping to get some attention, but still looking for it. none of those tactics work because you're either being obnoxious or unnoticeable. on your profile, you say you're smart, well use your intelligence and get to place that makes you more appealing, get good grades, get into a good school, get a an awesome job. girls like guys with prospects and potential. you're not without potential, you just need to learn how to use it to your advantage. posting dramatic angsty teen junk on GAG isn't doing anything for you.

the other thing about being 16 is that girls don't tend to really notice good guys until they're in their 20s, so don't lose faith in yourself. the girls are immature and you're immature and you're over-analyzing the situation.

stop thinking about it. girls like guys with goals (goals other than getting laid). so set some goals and aspire to achieve them, whether you wanna run a record company, direct films, become a doctor, be a journalist, or make video games. put yourself out there; show you've got intelligence, join the debate team or take an AP class.

if you wanna give up and pretend to be asexual, then do it, but do it well.

SeraphineBenoit · Accepted Answer

I think in order to attain happiness, you have to first get over the negative attitude. Of course you're always going to be alone if you keep telling yourself things like, "I hate myself.", "I'll be alone forever," "no one loves me," etc. And, like I keep telling EVERYONE on the website, just relax and enjoy life...you never know what may come your way. Life is unexpected. Just forget about love for awhile, and just pay attention to the little things that make you happy- friendships, education, travel, hobbies, whatever it may be.  Saying you give up on love is like saying that you give up on life. Don't do that.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Well I feel the same way about myself...N I also always wonder how I'm gonna make it being alone for the rest of my life...Sometimes I think something is really wrong with me I don't even think my dad lves me...I guess wht I'm saying is I'm basically in the same situation and I don't think there is a solution...=(

scotttheonlyone · Answer

Be positive.

In order to have get a girl, you must be open to getting a girl. By closing yourself in that way, you are preventing future potential partners from entering your life.

If there are past girls you have attempted to be with, forget about it, move on.

There are more girls in the world than guys anyways, its not like you will run out of girls to choose from. It is certain you will, only if you are open to it, run into opportunities in which you will find that girl, a girl that will like you in return.

In addition, also keep in mind that there are more things to life than getting in a relationship. Remember to get into activities and hobbies you enjoy that will make not only you a much happier person and an enjoyer of life,but who knows, you might find a girl doing that activity that might be your next partner!

Good luck my friend!

Ps. I used to think this same way before, I was a mess. But it was all about opening myself to opportunities. Optimism and confidence hand in hand.

Again, Good luck!

Jocko · Answer

You admitted it and that's a good first step. You could start by telling yourself how much you suck every morning in the bathroom mirror,sort of a reverse affirmation. Though you really should lay low for a few more years before you do anything drastic. Your not gonna find anyone with the attitude you have so I won't say that or tell you to be yourself cause that's a bunch of garbage too. Plenty of guys have been themselves and you know where they are? graveyards and parents basements.

Really what you should do since your a loser anyways and everyone knows it,is really go for the gold and ask out every single girl in your school or until one says yes, its a long shot but it might happen. Nobodies gonna think any less of you and when your bitter and 25 living in a studio apartment being asexual at least you gave it a shot to not be an asexual loser. Plus if they all say no it'll make your transition that much easier since it will truley eliminate the last bit of hope you have.

cjwright79 · Answer

The neat thing about surrendering is that it sets you free from your worries. So once you've accepted that you are a lowly worm you can start evolving into a cool person. But hey, starting from ground zero does have its upsides. For one, you will appreciate your eventual success all the more, having been down in the pits for a while.

Cool-Relax · Answer

Being a teenager sucks, and then you grow up. You'll see that when you're old enough to look back and realize how clueless you were back in high school. If you end up lonely, it's your own fault.

NellieDee · Answer

Dude, seriously, me to you level: Stop being so negative. So you've had screw ups? Whatever. That's stupid, to 'accept that you'll always be alone.' You shouldn't give up so easily. And screw your requests to stop saying 'you'll find someone' because it could be true. Put yourself out there, be confident, and don't live in the shell and the hole that you've hidden in. Be yourself and it'll come.

The_Box · Answer

Well if you really want to know how to live alone, I'd say faith is the only thing that could keep you content in such a state.

But surely you realize that's dumb,

So try to do something about it and don't give up. Don't accept; fight the power that keeps you down. Do not lose sight of your goal and absolutely refuse to lose. At the very least you will have died trying.

And if t makes you feel any better, I'm going through the same thing, but I just can't give up.

Anonymous · Answer

Wow. From what you're posting here it looks like your personality SUCKS. Offense ment. Lighten up, stop being so criticaly and annoying.

As to being ok with being alone: learn to appreciate yourself. Stop judging yourself in terms of whether or not you're in a relationship. Create goals that don't revolve around a relationship. Develop new interests.

Althought I highly doubt you'll be alone forever. Maybe you'll stop acting like such a prick and get out of the whole "woe-is-me" thing you're going through.

You're not mature enough right now to be in a relationship.

Reeses-pieces777 · Answer

you'r still you

we're all our own harshest critiques, trust me, I find at least one thing everyday that I'm not happy with myself about - but the thing is I try my best to change what I can and what I can't, I live with that's what makes us unique and not necessarily ugly or unattractive

you're so young and your idea of putting yourself down so much is bad because you're being your own worst enemy by doing that

dudeawsome · Answer

ok um dude first get some weed get a big fat dubie ok.then roll down all the blinds in ur house at about 2 or 3 when the sun is going down but there is still sun turn the ac down to 60 recline on a chair blaze up and every trouble in the world is gone trust me try it o ya and listen to radio head

Anonymous · Answer

Alright take it easy, your still young and I know it may seem like the end of the world right now but things will change. Also you need to have a little self confidence if you don't belive in yourself no women will either.

I am assuming your still in high school so all I can say is forget the assho*** you go to school with and start focusing on life after high school and put your self in a position that will make women want to date you.

sweet18 · Answer

Dude, if you're really under 18, it's a little early to making resolutions like that. Shit dude.

Juliana77 · Answer

I don't know if you are a loser (you are saying this), but stop acting like one.. you are young...and I'm sure your life will surprise you in many good ways! Be more confident!

MsNikki_Nicole · Answer

you don't..because it's not true aless you settle for it

SterileInfertileGuy · Answer

your under 18 bro, start worring about this once you reach your 20's.

Chaz-berry-xxx · Answer

ok, I don't know you but I'm pretty sure that you are NOT a loser!

love takes time but don't let the fact that you havn't found someone bover you have fun with life and let your hair down

I say who gives a sh*t what people think you only live once!

Secretgirl · Answer

You are REALLY setting up yourself for failure to never meet somebody if you try/succeed in “accepting” that.  That’s horrible, and you won’t find anybody with that attitude! Don’t give up!

Anonymous · Answer

lol, wow, you are a loser.

Anonymous · Answer

wow, this is one hell of a pity plee.

Anonymous · Answer

You'll get over it. You're not.

How can I learn to accept the fact that I'm a loser and will be alone for the rest of my life?

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