Why is he so angry when it's his fault?

[bbgirl]

can someone please give me their advice as to why my boyfriend got so defensive when I caught him cheating? I will admit I may have said a few rude things to him but the majority of the time I was either crying or trying to explain to him how hurt I was. yet he was so angry with me, making me feel the one to blame. (but it really honestly wasn't my fault why he cheated) I'm not asking for him back or anything its just I found it very confusing as to why he would talk to me the way he did when he was at fault.

Updates

+1 y

thank you ladies for your advice, it really did help me shed some light as to why he was so rude to me. I did blame myself for a long time but I see now that it isn't my fault or loss its his thank you so much ! :)

[sirlixalot]

Ok...I'm going to say what others on here obviously won't. because society is way too damn politically correct nowadays..let's keep it real, people...It's because he's a sorry, no good lying, cheating piece of sh*t that probably has a little pecker so he tries to justify it by screwing around with nasty bitches on the side, cheating on his wife to regenerte his masculinaty. That's why. And who cares if you were "rude" to him. He was rude for sleeping around, right? You should have waited until he was asleep, handcuffed him to the bed, and then beat him in the balls with a baseball bat. What an asshole. I hope you weren't dumb enough to forgive him, right? You should go sleep with his best friend or something. It's guys like him that give good guiys like me a bad rap, because once a woman is cheated on, they tend to have trust issues for the rest of their lives and take that frustration out on their next boyfriend too. I hope he catches the clap, and his little d*** falls off from f***ing around like that...asshole. Next time you talk to him, tell him you screwed his brother, or dad, or best friend, just so he can feel the pain like you did.

[sumina7]

Your question contains the answer in it.

".. why he would talk to me the way he did when he was at fault." He has got you thinking about what you might have done wrong while clearly the focus should be on the person who is doing something wrong, ... him.

Clearly this has been an effective strategy for him.

To understand this psychology, read a book: 'In Sheep's Clothing' by George Simon.

[verychatty30]

it's simple really he was trying to shift the blame onto you to stop himself from feeling too bad some men do that sadly just like some woman do also.

if you caught him cheating he will be more p***** that he was found out because some men think that when they do things like that they will never get caught out and when they do they try and shift the blame onto there partner and sadly that is what ur ex has done in this situation.

you are perfectly within ur rights to shout and scream say rude things to him he deserves it and it's also good that ur not taking him back.

just remember that what happened was NOT ur fault it was his!

[sarrah78]

its ok dear some people thinks that by turning the table around they may get away or out of their mistakes making you feel guilty z 1 way and the best way 2 run of taking the blame or face his mistakes...

be more confident of yourself and just ignore him as if he never existed and don't you ever show him in any why that you feel guilty in anyway...whatever you said 2 him he deserved it since he's the 1 whose been cheating on u..

u're not guilty of anything so why blaming yourself 4 others' mistakes ?...u're already hurt cause of him do you really need 2 burden yourself even more wth blame and guilt?

[Anonymous]

A lot of men, when they feel guilty, cannot apologize, so instead they lash out in anger. Further, men who are self-centered and just able to focus on themselves, they will not want to put any of the blame on themselves. My ex-husband was good at this (though he did not cheat), making it always seem like I was the one in the wrong. It took years and years to finally accept that he was not going to change and for me to move on, but when I did I finally realized the only thing I did wrong was stay with someone who wouldn't listen to me and couldn't open themselves up to being vulnerable.

[yeths]

He's so ashamed so he started playing mind games, the best thing is to eliminate contact because as long as the two of you speak he will try to let you see his 'point' (or lack thereof) and this can be tiring. We long for people who are in the wrong to admit it but some never do, I'm betting when he was a child and his mother caught him stealing cookies he would say, "'you left the cookie jar right there mom, I had no choice". Silence is the best cure for the stupid, give him a good dose!

[bbgirl]

"Silence is the best cure for the stupid, give him a good dose" lol truly loved this :D

[IceQueen]

Guilt is a heavy emotion to carry for any person. Its uncomfortable and as humans we tend to want to get away from anything uncomfortable.

He was caught cheating. Lots of guilt there.

His mind looked for an out and you were it. If he could convince you that you were the one at fault and not him--the feeling would disappear.

Well, girl, I hope you don't let him try these mind games on you. He's the one at fault. he feels guilt. You should feel nothing but betrayal.

Give em' hell.

[amber832]

I Been Through This Exact Situation Girl. He's Trying To Make You Feeel Guilty Like You Did Something Wrong So It Can Make Him Feel Better About His Self. Dnt Wast Your Time On This Scum Bag Anyway. He's Not Worth Your Time If He's Cheating Nd Makeing You Feel Like This. Just Try To Get Over Him.

[Dyreath]

Apparently because it's effective.

Girls love based on what they feel, and he wants you to feel the things that make you love, so that he can get you back when he wants you again.

[Justbug87]

when guys get caught they tend to get really defensive so don't worry it's a way of making it your fault instead of his

[nbc5023]

Men, really hate to admit they are wrong. It is a guy thing