Where to meet nice guys who won't avoid me?

[jextaimex]

One would think I'd have many opportunities to meet guys.

Right now I'm going to a community college... I couldn't decide what I wanted to major in and I was really afraid of leaving home so soon, so I wanted to stay local even if that meant that most of my peers would be older than me.

There are a lot of people at my school in the same situation as me, or because of economic reasons (the school had the highest enrollment this year due to the economy) they are a lot of people about my age...

But regardless, I haven't met any guys yet. In my evening classes its mostly adults and in my morning classes...there are a lot of girls.

I don't have time to join clubs or anything. I'm a model and I work part-time as well. None of my coworkers are anyone I'd be into, and I don't interact with the male models in my agency enough to even come close to starting anything... half of them, at least, are gay anyway.

Mostly with the guys I crush on, I'm just let down. Nothing they really do (besides making me feel like something could happen, but that isn't their fault necessarily), just things. For example, I liked a guy in my Arabic class... turns out he's Mennonite, and I'm Jewish... so for him that's a no-no.

I also liked a guy who worked next door to me, until I found out he was married.

I've never had a boyfriend besides 8th grade which doesn't count...well and a guy who was long-distance...again, hardly counts.

I see guys look at me a lot. The younger guys who come into my store look at me in "that way" that you can't really describe.

Of course, jerks hit on me. I ignore them though.

But most guys, even if they may look at me, they don't say a word to me... even if I try to talk to them, they just seem to turn cold. Or I never see them again.

I'm tired of always feeling rejected.. I'm tired of liking guys who just end up wasting my time... I'm tired of feeling defective.

I just want to meet a nice guy who will actually chase after me for once. I'm shy, but I feel like I do all the work and get nothing.

The other night I had eaten dinner when I was at work at a place nearby... a shop run by a bunch of young guys. My manager said, "so, are they giving you free food yet?" I told him about one time when I didn't have enough money and the one guy let me pay him back days later and my manager said, "yeah, you're one of those girls who can just bat their eyelashes and get any guy to do anything for them."

Initially I was offended, haha... but looking back on it, its true. But why don't guys flirt then? Why don't they ask me out?

And where the hell do I find the ones who WILL, outside of the places I've already looked?

[markml]

Hey, well you seem like a nice girl, so I definitely don't think they're ignoring you because they don't like you. I guarantee you that you're not defective, although I've felt that way at times myself!

It's just really tough for a guy to go up to a girl who is a complete stranger, especially when it's a nice pretty girl. And the ones you go up to...maybe they turn cold because they just don't know what to say. I'm not saying that we shouldn't try harder, but put yourself in our shoes...it requires a lot of bravery.

One suggestion is to first find out what your passions in life are. If it's just modelling...well, as you pointed out, it's going to be tough to meet guys that way. I actually know exactly how you feel, because I study a subject...computer science...where there are almost no girls, and it's not going to get any better when I leave school.

But hopefully, you'll find other things you like, and I think that may also help you find guys. Because if you discover yourself, it's easier for other people to discover you...something like that. Community college is tough to meet people from what I've heard, because a lot of people just go straight home after classes. If you transfer to a university and move away from home, it should help somewhat.

[jextaimex]

Oh no, I have more passions... modeling is fun, but I wouldn't say its my passion. My passion is writing....politics.. humanitarian issues, those would be my passions. But those aren't things that people can spot just by looking at you and writing is very solitary. I'm hoping when I transfer it'll be better, but that won't be for a year. (P.S. Whenever a guy says he's a computer science major or engineering major, I develop a tiny crush on them. Maybe you'll find a girl like me! =) )

[markml]

Well, that's good news to hear...sure wish I knew where to find girls like you though. Most of time I hate answering, "What is your major?" or "What did you major in?" because when I say CS, their enthusiasm seems to go down if they don't yet know me.

Transferring will definitely help, but you'll have to work a bit harder to get to know people than as a freshman. First year it was easy to meet many people, but then I transferred to another uni and it was harder. But grad school is even worse!

[markml]

BTW...those are fantastic passions, especially writing since it means you know how to express yourself and it gives you things to talk about other than the mundane. I certainly like girls like that.

One more thing occurred to me though...it could be some good guys are avoiding you because they assume you're already taken and in a long-term committed relationship. I've made that assumption before when I meet really nice girls who have their head on their shoulders, and often I'm right.

[jextaimex]

Sadly, I won't be transferring for another year... Fall 2011. I don't want anyone to think I'm one of those girls who "needs a boyfriend" or anything. I'm not even really looking for that. I'm just looking for something fun not involving females for once. I like having crushes, I like the anticipation... I just don't like being let down with conservative religions and wedding rings. =P

[markml]

Well, don't give up. Mennonites are a very small percentage of the population. Wedding rings and SOs...slightly bigger problem. Just keep your eyes open for guys you find interesting and opportunities to spark up conversations.

[avksx]

I'm going to go ahead and blame it on the intimidation factor. It's very likely a lot of guys don't think they have a shot with you. A girl I was catching up with recently was talking with me about how she had not had a single date in the two years I hadn't seen her. She is one of the most unobjectionably beautiful people I have ever met. When I still knew her really well, blokes would come up to me all the time, and ask me if she was single, but whenever I said yes, they'd chicken out. Now said girl has mad self confidence issues. Thinks she has the worst personality on the planet or some such nonsense.

The moral of the story is: your blessing is your curse. The fact that you're desirable is what makes most men think you're impossible to connect with, so you're always going to have to work a bit harder to find a guy who is down to earth. You're going to have to start being a lot more aggressive with your pursuits.

[jextaimex]

Its hard for girls like me to believe that. There's nothing intimidating about me, or at least I think. I'm small, I'm not one of those girls who is always all made up with perfect hair and clothes...I'm what people would call "cute", not some bombshell. I'm quiet but always friendly. Its hard to believe that its because I'm pretty, because girls who I see as less attractive than me have boyfriends and the bombshell types always have guys hitting on them openly...guys who aren't just jerks.

[Robertcw]

I have no idea how old this question is but I guess it’s about 8 years ago, but it makes me really happy in a twisted way.

I think community colleges are the most fucked colleges for students that want sex.

There are no dorms. People still live at home.

I highly recommend all people who want wild college experiences and many sexual partners to go live in a freshman dorm at a four year school at 17 or 18 years old.

This is one way we get 20+ year old virgins in college.

Anyway.

[uncutguy1980]

I've seen your pictures and you are very cute. My problem is I'm too shy for my own good. I know I have to have irritated different girls by not saying anything. Maybe you could try e harmony?