I told her I can't be around her anymore. Did I do the right thing?

[Anonymous]

Over a while I've become really good friends with this girl and I've liked her since day 1. She calls me her best friend all the time and I really trust her, tell her things I never tell people. Recently I've been getting really really frustrated because she doesn't accept my advances. She's known I like her but she keeps wanting to spend time with me all the time. I've told her I like her before but she says we'll never be more than best friends. Still she likes to spend time with me and do things like we're dating. Dinner, Movie, Road Trips, etc. Recently we went to a party together and she gave her number to a guy right in front of me. I was a little drunk and got really mad about it. I just told her that I can't like her any more and that I want more. She told me she likes another guy but doesn't really have anything with him. I spent the next day thinking about how much I'm going to be hurt if she starts a relationship with this guy. I decided to tell her I needed her out of my life because I couldn't bear the heart ache. I feel like I've lost my best friend and a love interest all at the same time. I don't know if I did the right thing. I really miss her. Did I do the right thing?

[Hombrecito]

I know this is a massive gap since this was posted but I feel for you man! Its so hard liking/ falling for someone who doesn't reciprocate the same, particularly when they still want you in their life. I'm in a similar situation at the moment, except its a bit more complicated. She told me once upon a time that she would go there with me if she didn't have a boyfriend.. and that was after a four months of knowing her. A year and a bit down the track we have gotten to know each other so well that she has said to me she doesn't want to go there with me because she never wants to lose me in her life (because all her relationships tend to end up in a massive mess with the guy) Her relationship with that guy is deteriorating atm. But essentially I've reached a point where I can't keep being the guy she can come to for anything and everything- because her boyfriend doesn't fill that void for her. I've told her a few times how I feel, and she struggles with that pressure. So I've tried to just suck it up. But I can't keep going on like this, so I've decided to tell her I can't be in her life anymore... I can't think of anything else I can do, I can't keep waiting. This way I can move on, and maybe there's a chance it could be a wakeup call for her and she could realize how much she needs me in her life. But I don't know. I'm interested over a year later how the situation has progressed?

[Anonymous]

You did the right thing but you should have make some moves. Reason she didn't felt it Cuz there was nothing sexual-health about you. I bet you were too much of a nice guy. Sometimes you just have to get wild a bit.
She did not have any sexual appeal with you. Maybe you didn't flirt enough or have her imagine your body.. Like have her a peek at your abs.
The bad guy is not the bad guy who beats women but the guy who knows how to be sexy without a cheesy way. I bet you didn't even put your hand over her shoulder as you sit together. You didn't make such moves. So you're just a friend to hangout

[airiver]

You had a best friend and now you don't...She told you she loved being your best friend and didn't want more ...but you did...so that's up to you...My best friends are guys and some have wanted more but I didn't see them that way...They were my buddies...I was raised with brothers so I naturally get along well with men...And I do see them as my "girlfriends" not as love interests...I've had a few get angry when I date but the choice is to have me as a friend in your life or not have me at all...They chose to keep me as a friend...why...because they can trust me, they can talk to me about their problems or their women,etc...Just like your friend can with you...It's down to what you choose to accept...You could be around to protect each other from serious relationship mistakes and help each other out or you could send her an x-mas card and call if good...Best of luck...Cheers!

[Asker]

Here may be the difference though. Would you go to on dinner and a movie nights with these friends? Spend entire days together? I feel like in a lot of cases saying "just friends" is an easy way of letting someone down. But I really think she saw me as her best friend. What makes this tougher is that neither of us did anything wrong.

[micgirl]

wow. Personally I know that the situation must hurt. But I think that you did the right thing. You can't make someone like/love you no matter how hard you try. How did she react when you told her you wanted her out of your life? I'm gonna contradict what I just said but it sounds like it hurts more not having her in ur life now than when she was. You say that you miss her but if you can't accept that she's not interested and she's gonna have other dudes in her life besides you, then maybe it's best to take the time to rethink ur decision. Hope all goes well!

[Asker]

She just said "this really sucks." I asked her what she would do if she was in my place and she said "she didn't know" but maybe "wouldn't talk to that person again."

I honestly don't know what to do. I miss what we had but I've been doing this for months and months now. Yeah this sucks now but every time I've come out and rejected it hurts just as bad, if not worse. I couldn't imagine what I would happen if I saw her with him. It's just too much.

[micgirl]

"months and months" is a long time. But if ur willing to have her as a friend again, I'm sure that she would take you back as one. Rejejction is a bitch. But the best way to get over someone is through time. I'm sure that you can meet another chick who is into you and who is willing to give you the love you need.

[smilexlove]

Ive been through something like this before. You have to do what's best for you. If its too hard for you to be around her then its okay to take some space from her. If she doesn't want to be more than friends though, you have to try to accept that even though that's really hard to do. If you're around her all the time and keep hanging out the same as you guys were then you will never move on because you will continue to want her. I don't think you made a bad decision. You can still talk and be friends but just take some space .

[Anonymous]

Wow, you guys really need to learn how to play the game a bit more. If you chase any women they will not bite, because they are being chased and you are making them feel valued. Instead of this they need to be the ones chasing you. there are many ways to accomplish this, but basically you need to up your social value and make her see this. Nothing more pathetic for a women than to have another guy confess how he feels about her. Play the game guys. Have friendships with many girls, just having options makes you more valuable then her. If there is another guy she likes, but there are 2 or even 3 other girls you hang out with, well then who has more value now? Who is more desirable now. Think fellas, think !!! Stop sobbing and get on with your lives !!!

[Soccergirl]

Theres no right or wrong in this one exactly. But if you are more unhappy with not being her frined than just seeing her with other guys then you have your answer

[Anonymous]

Im in the same thing right now, and its killing me, i told her completely what I felt. but she hasn't responded i told her that there is no point of going out with her anymore. what do i do now? I really want her to be with me. whats going on between you guys now?