Was I right to let her go or should I have approached her?

[NamedGuy]

So, this is from my last workplace. There was this girl who I noticed, used to stare at me from time to time but never ever approached me, greeted me, etc. When she would be standing next to me, she completely ignored my existence. Her friend used to greet and talk but she wouldn't even look at me at that time. Most of the times when she used to stare at me, she would either be alone or at a distance. She even picked the same frame for spectacles that I use, for herself. Because of all this, I sort of started developing feelings for her (I think). [I think a lot by the way (overthinker).] Our company let go of most of us because they were closing down. She got laid off a month before me. During the last few minutes on the floor, she was talking with her friends and suddenly she turned and looked in my direction. I noticed that but I wasn't looking directly at her. Nobody did anything or said anything. It's been a year now. About me, I do not like myself at all because my mind is corrupted and I get very bad (read lustful) thoughts (about her as well) and I hate myself for that. (I wish to stab myself.) So I believe that I didn't actually like her and it is just the lust in me. I blocked one other girl for the same reason and thought never will I fall for it again but here we are. I think of so many reasons she should not be with me and that's one of the reasons I didn't approach her. Another reason being, I'm an introvert and shy so I am scared to approach her or any other girl anyway. Also, she's well-off. I'm broke. So this is the thing. Everything is happening according to the wish I had, to keep her away but yesterday something unusual happened. I felt like I have finally lost any feelings I might have had for her and it felt so uncomfortable and I was trying to get back to that moment but was unable to. Feel like I've lost her but that's what I wanted, right? Why do I feel uneasy then when things have worked out just like I wanted?

Updates

+1 y

I wanted to let her go so that she could get with someone that is good for her so that she doesn't waste her time or ruin her life with me.

[newblinds]

You should have approached her, point of view:

You say you started to develop feelings for her, so you should have tried your luck.

You say you "think" you had feelings for her, you should have made your interest known to her, you could have gone out a few times to determine if you developed feelings.

Making a move gives you practice and experience even if you fail.

You say that now you think that it was simply lustful thoughts and not feelings, I give you permission to act on your lustful desires and see if the people would also be lusting after you.

I remember from somewhere that hating yourself and saying you're corrupted for wanting to have intercourse, presumably, could be from some experience you've had.

She's rich and you're poor, but you still wanted her in some way, you're allowed to see what she thinks about it.

[NamedGuy]

I get pretty scared even thinking about approaching someone I might be interested in.

About lust, I have this thought that I wanted to be with someone for who they are and not because I find them attractive in their appearance. You know? Like truly caring for someone. Also, I've had teaching from the Bible about lust, so. I am not quite religious but there are some things that I go with.
About the experience, I haven't "been" with anyone if that's what you mean. I do feel sometimes that someone might've put this thought in me that I am not good but I am lustful. Maybe it grew in me and made me believe that about myself. But I have become that way now, anyhow. I'd literally think of anything about anyone (her too) to "get me there: while doing myself. I get ideas from watching porn as well.(kind of addiction). Now you can tell I have reached that point coz I'm literally sharing all this with a complete stranger.

I might have wanted her but I want her to have a great life more than I would want her for myself.

[newblinds]

I don't believe that her having a great life and being with you are mutually exclusive. What if she would conclude that her life would be great if you had her for yourself.

You say you're scared to approach people you might be interested in. Other people get over their fears by exposing themselves to their fears to a level they can tolerate.

You say you want to be with someone for who they are, and yet, you didn't attempt to get to know who this person is, you mentioned only some glances she made towards you and highlighted that she didn't speak with you when she was around you.

If you find yourself attracted to someone in a lustful way then it could be a signal for you to get to know who they are, exposing yourself to your fear and determining whether or not you like them or simply found them attractive in their appearance.

I wasn't necessarily talking about being with someone, but you say that someone might have put the idea in your head that you're not good but you're lustful, and you believe that about yourself now. It might be useful to explore how that could have come to be.

[NamedGuy]

First of all, thank you for listrening and replying. I forgot earlier.
You do have a point there. I think than it's more like what I believe a great life for her will be and not what she thinks it to be.
Maybe it's beyond my level of toleration then coz I almost sweat myself thinking about it. :D
Why are you taking her side? ToT She could have approached me too but she didn't.
She seemed to be quite lively person than I am. Her team and two of ours went to a trip and she seemed quite extrovert while I am the exact opposite. Another reason I didn't wish her to be with me. She'd find my lifestyle boring and I would feel like hindering her of her freedom that she had.
I do not prefer approaching someone to fulfill any lustful desires I might have. :( I'm weird I know.
I have symptoms of OCD that could possibly mean something. I have read about OCD's having intrusive thoughts and obsessing ( as the name goes).

[newblinds]

If she got to know you and she decided that being with NamedGuy would make her life great, then how could you disagree? You say she'd find your life boring but what if she got to know you and she didn't feel how you say she'd feel, hindered from her freedom.

Ok, if you believe that almost sweating yourself is too much for you then that's fine.

Your question says "should I have approached her" so I was answering the question, she could have approached you but I would've thought the question would be "shouldn't she have approached me". Did you want for her to approach you? It seems you think she might be better suited to approach you because she's extroverted while you're introverted.

I know you said you didn't want to fulfil lustful desires, I said you might want to get to know the person who you have lustful desires for, not to approach them to engage in lustful desire, you would approach them so you can see if you like them for who they are - because that's what you said you prefer.

[NamedGuy]

Okay. I got nothing to say about first para. Coz if she would have accepted me as I am and decided it's great for her then I don't know what I'd say about that.

Sometimes I did wish that she'd at least say something instead of just staring at me from a distance. And yes, that was my thought coz she's extrovert.

Last para makes sense too.
PS: Do you think it's too late to say "hi" to her? I don't/didn't even know whether she's seeing someone or not.
Also, is it bad to tell someone that you're not looking for a temporary thing but more of a permanent thing?
What would you say of my idea of showing this question of mine to her? You know, just to lay it all in front of her so she knows how I think.

[newblinds]

Any length of time could pass and it would be fine to contact someone if I felt like it. It wouldn't be bad for me to tell someone I wanted a permanent thing, or to bring it up in conversation indirectly.

If you feel like you want to show her the question then show it.

I would reframe this in my head to: I'm expressing my needs to find "a" woman, instead of trying to get "this" woman. Since it's part of a process of many failures, that would hopefully lead me to one eventually even if I'm rejected by this one.

It's up to you, if you check with yourself and decide to say or do something or not do anything.

[NamedGuy]

I understand. Thanks for lending me your ear and helping me through this. I will muster up and try to get in touch with her. I don't know how it's going to be but I'll find out, I guess. Thanks again. Adios!

[NamedGuy]

Man I ruined it again. I was hoping that I would speak to her but then I watched some p and now I feel shit again. 😭 Thinking, it's better I keep away from her.

[newblinds]

Ok that's fine

[Gatman34]

Never approach women guys need to quit chasing and make women get off their high horses good on ya for not being desperate

[NamedGuy]

What if she's just as scared as me to approach? That would mean we lose the chance of ever finding out whether we'd be okay together.

[NamedGuy]

Thanks for reading and replying.

[Poppykate]

You need to work on your self-esteem! You are self sabotaging any potential chance of real happiness with anyone. (Probably due to a fear of being hurt)

[NamedGuy]

You are right about the "self-sabotaging" because I do not really wish that I be with anyone. I did get rejected once which was quite a blow because I mustered up so much effort to actually share my feelings to that person. I thought I'd never do it again. But life happens. Came across someone else. This is when my brain started acting up. Blocked her. Thought, never again. Then came this one. I blocked her contact number even though we've never talked. So yes, being vulnerable is also a possible reason but the one I have mentioned is too. Not good for anyone. Corrupted mind. Self-pity is my thing now. Guessing why I posted then. LOL :D

[NamedGuy]

Also, thank you for reading and replying. I forgot that earlier. :)

[Poppykate]

You are welcome! Just remember getting hurt is apart of the ‘war of love’. In order to win, you have to get back out their soilder and just battle on!

[NamedGuy]

Yes Ma'am! *salute* 😄

[Avicenna]

You should have approached her. Nothing ventured, nothing gained

[NamedGuy]

Thanks for reading and replying. Is it too late to approach her now?

[Avicenna]

Maybe not. Nothing to lose.

[NamedGuy]

Nothing to lose except my mind. 😄

[slatyb]

See a counselor about your self-hated. It can get better.

[NamedGuy]

Thank you for your advice. I generally don't prefer sharing my thoughts with anyone but when things get really out of hand and I feel lost, I tend to open up. That was this. I tried contacting a person about my "mind" but I couldn't make myself to share anything.

[NamedGuy]

Also, thank you for reading and replying. I forgot that earlier. :)

[Anoniemus]

Sounds like you should have approached

[NamedGuy]

Thanks for reading replying. Do you think it's too late to approach her now? Also, what do you think of my idea of showing this question to her? You know, just to let it all out in front of her about how I feel about myself and her.