My crush is homophobic? What should I do?

[Anonymous]

So I'm a bisexual girl, I like both girls and boys. I've got this crush on a guy, who knows I'm bi and he doesn't want to be in a relationship or do any sexual act with a bisexual girl. He is actually homophobic, but he always shows interest in me. He always backs off in the end though. What should I do? Ugh I don't want to give up on him I've been crushing for 8 months and it's so damn intense.. :(

[B_J_R]

I am engaged to a bisexual man. He didn't tell me at first, even though I kind of always figured he was. I'm not saying I love this fact about him as well as its not a deal break. Really when it comes to him I could care less. My insecurities lay within myself. Not that I think all bis cheat, that's bullshit. In fact this is the first guy im with that I feel is completely faithful. My insecurities are that I can not fully satisfy him. That he may not be happy forever. Though he in the beginning would reassure me that he is satisfied. That no matter who's he's with he can't have both. Well for the most part. 😜 Anyways what I'm saying is who cares, go for it. If he's not into you because he's to shallow to except who you are do you really want to be his friend? Also maybe he is into you, but has the same fear I do in not being able to satisfy you, and may need you to make the first move.

[Stephbs2]

You know... Just cause he doesen't want to be with a bisexual girl it doesn't mean he's homophobic he just don't want to be involved in that kind of situation and it is very understandable.
You can try to talk to him and all but you should move on

[LittleSally]

Isn't it a bit hypocritical to be bisexual and want so badly to be with someone who hates you because he's scared of your sexual orientation (not you you, but what you represent)?
Why not find someone who'll appreciate you for you?

[Asker]

I know and I've thought about that and you're right. But I'm in love with this person and I've tried to stop but I can't.

[LittleSally]

I get that... Well seems the only way he'll accept you is if you're no longer bisexual - you'd just have to commit to only men. Or maybe it will always bother him, because he's not as silly as to think people can choose their sexual orientation... so he'll never want anything with you.
Maybe ask him out and see what happens. 8 months is a LONG time. Do something or move on - for your own sake.

[Asker]

Thank you.. I'll ask him out and see what happens and I hope everything turns out well..

[LittleSally]

I hope, for you, that it does. Maybe he'll come around eventually with the whole homophobic thing... You can definitely help him with that - just not too early on in the relationship. =)

[Sara413]

Why would you want to be with someone like that? Shit, I'm 100% straight and I'd never get with a homophobe!

[Barrabus_the_Free]

Is he actually afraid of homosexuals, or does he just not celebrate their lifestyle? If the latter, the first thing to do is stop using homophobic wrong. A phobia is an intense, irrational, overriding fear of an object or situation. Just by interacting with you he's shown there's no fear, thus no phobia.

I see 3 options:
1) you two continue on how you are now
2) you be straight for a while
3) he relaxes his view on women who bat for both teams

[Asker]

then if you put it like that he is not actually homophobic. He just doesn't want to be with a girl who is bisexual.

[Barrabus_the_Free]

Like I said, the three options I can see are listed above.

Anyone with self respect has criteria for what they consider acceptable/unacceptable in potential partners/SO/whatever. And that's good.

Sometimes they relax those criteria. My last girlfriend was not only over 28, she's also a single mother. Which is normally two dealbreakers for me. I gave her a chance because she is attractive, especially for her age and having kids, and she was cool, laid back, and fun to be around. She was in the Top 3 Best Relationships I've Had, if not #1. Only ex I still talk to. I'll still bang her, too, if I get a chance. And it's looking like that's a strong possibility.

He might relax about you, and he might not. Only one way to find out, huh? Have you tried talking to him, telling him you've kinda got a thing for him, and seeing if he's willing to give you a shot?

[brain5000]

This is a classic case of "wanting something you cannot have." If you get someone who wants you, you will likely get bored and dump them. I should feel sorry for you why?

[Asker]

so you're saying i should forget him?:(

[brain5000]

I am saying "don't let yourself develop a huge crush on someone who isn't into you." @LittleSally is right - just ask him out and let the chips fall where they may. It's a big world and someone better who wants you (and probably fantasizes about wmw threesomes, I mean, come on, that's hot) is probably five minutes behind him.

Make your pitch, and if they don't pick up the option, move on before you become too attached -- in ALL situations.

[FakeName123]

He is apparently attracted to you, but his preference makes you back off. Tough life. It seems to be a dealbreaker for him and thus your best bet would be to move on.

[Anonymous]

Do you really want to be with someone closed minded like that?

[davesmit]

either go all in or cut and run.

[Asker]

should I make a move? :( I'm so confused

[davesmit]

do you want to completely stop being BI? I'm not saying that you will cheat on him.. but if you find another women sexy you will have to bury that feeling with him around..

[Asker]

even if I stopped that would be stupid. I would be like 'hey I stopped being bisexual wanna date me?' so that won't work:(

[davesmit]

then you have answered your own question.. your not going to change who you are.. and he is not going to accept you for who you are so whats the point?

Cut and run

[Anonymous]

He has his preference.