I was worried I couldn't live up to your expectations?

[Anonymous]

Has anyone here actually told someone they care about hat they were worried they could not live up to their expectations, for reasons other than- it seems like a nice way to -

'let them down easy'?

>>>>> Have you ever actually been worried about not being the kind of person you think that person wants to be with? -

(Beyond just not having time for them or feelings for them? Reasons like) Personality or looks or competency or intelligence or finance or courage etc. )

- & Actually TOLD them the truth?

>>>>> Have you ever stuck it out & been proven wrong?

[disgaeafan101]

Because you weren't expecting or wanting to be in a relationship, maybe that is why he told you that. He probably felt that because you didn't seem to want to be in a relationship, that it would be best if he just got out of your life before he became to emotionally attached to something that couldn't happen. So, because you didn't want a relationship, he didn't think he was good enough for you. Hell it doesn't even really have to be a romantic one, but nobody wants to be a friend of someone they don't think they are capable of being friendly to.

[disgaeafan101]

Also, yes I have done this before. Recently in fact. It was not in a boyfriend girlfriend relationship, but it still felt kinda crappy.

I have stuck it out before, but I've never really been proven wrong.

I guess there are other ways to tell them why you can't be friends/boyfriend girlfriend. More honest ones... but... well... I guess when I did this I kinda thought that it would be the best way for her to get over it.

[Asker]

.>>> But it does have the implication of me wanting ore than he is able to give.. Why not just say he does not feel comfortable with being friends or whatever.. I was not not expecting anything because I do not have confidence in him as a person.

& Why does he have to blame to on me.

It is just because I do not want to get attached to anyone - ever.

No one seems to understand this lol - they think it is denial. I still want him as a friend , I do not see why it has to be all or nothing.

[disgaeafan101]

Maybe this person realized that you don't have confidence in them and didn't want to be friends with someone who didn't have faith in him.

In response to what you think it implicates... that is true, it does kind of say that. But looking at your situation it seems to me that it is more like he thought he would give more than you wanted.

It is hard to ask for someone to be a friend when you don't want to be attached to anyone. It must have been really confusing to that person.

[disgaeafan101]

Or it could just be that he didn't know how to be friends if you didn't want to be attached to someone. The definition of friendship varies from person to person.

[Asker]

Oh just to clarify 'i DO have confidence in him as a person, just not as a relationship'

& Do you think guys specifically , worry about expectations even IF a girl says she doesn't want to plan anything & she doesn't plan to be there long.... & if they do not WHY not lol

lol I really can't tell if he is worried about MY expectations, or his, which is why it makes it so hard to understand.

Wish he would just speak for himself - not ME.

Thanks*

:-)

[disgaeafan101]

That depends on the kind of guy. If he is sleazy, he'll just try to get into your pants before you leave. If he is nice, he probably cares about you and knows you don't think about him in the same way so he will just awkwardly try to break it off. Since nothing had actually started yet, it may have been hard to put it into words if he was shy.

Sounds to me like the dude thinks you actually want to have attachments, so he is trying to break his in the least damaging way he can think of.

[Asker]

" If he is nice, he probably cares about you and knows you don't think about him in the same way so he will just awkwardly try to break it off."

" Sounds to me like he thinks you actually want to have attachments,he is trying to break his in the least damaging way he can think of "

Aren't these like opposite things?

If I wanted to get attached or didn't why would he be able to have sex with me either way?

How is it "least damaging" way of breaking things - if I do NOT WANT attachments?

[Asker]

Al it does it makes things confusing & frustrating because I do not now what he is talking about & it also it makes me feel like he does not trust me.

He wouldn't have to warn me if he trusted that I could take care of myself.. I already considered al this.

Woman do it too I am sure.. I think it is easier if people actually try to find out if they have a REASON to worry before just freaking out... t is making the time before I leave a real drag- & I door want to remember him like this.

[disgaeafan101]

It isn't a contradiction.

That could be the expectation he isn't living up to. Your definition of a friendship/relationship could be too loose to him. If he knows about all of your attachment issues than he was probably torn between asking you to open up, or just leaving without making an further attachment.

If you are leaving to go somewhere else that could change the whole picture though. Guys do crazy things when they may never see a girl they like again.

[Asker]

Oh, I see, I think I misread it :-)

Um what KIND of crazy things - I mean I believe you, I REALLy do :(

I was wondering if you couold give some examples because I feel like I do ont even know ih anymore.. Over the past two weeks he is totally different, & I keep thinking I have done something but I have tried to be as clear as possible about not putting any rpressure on either of us & just enjoying the time now.

& OIt seems to make no difference,. He has a problem irregardless of what I do.

[disgaeafan101]

Well it varies from person to person, but it all involves trying to create some kind of closure of some sort. That usually can hurt at least one of them. Sometimes it can even be comical, but this obviously isn't the case.

Anyhow, when it comes to your second point, it doesn't really matter if you said no pressure and just enjoy it while it lasts. It might work for you like that, but it obviously didn't work for him. He felt the pressure anyway.

[Asker]

Lol

You mean pressure 4 him, feeling like he is losing something?

Or pressure 4 him, he is worried that I am getting attached?

Because if it is 2, shouldn't what I say , think, understand about MYSELF, have any thing to do with the concerns.

It just seems peculiar how I can't be trusted to know myself,if that IS the concern- don't know tho.

For closure, you mean like- getting mad over little things, or trying to provoke other person to anger?

What is wrong with a simple 'goodbye' 4 closure?

[Elcristoph]

Hello,

I was with a girl once who told me she was no good for me.. I stuck it out and 6 months later she cheated on me..

I would just walk away. if your with someone and there interested in you they will stay with you, its just that simple..

Good Luck

-Chris

[Asker]

You mean if someone say they ca not live up to your expectations... Then you should walk away fro them at that time/

Well, he didn't say I can't he said he WAS worried about it, the thing is I was not expecting planning or wanting to be in a relationship, so I really did not know what he was talking about.

Did this girl explain why she was no good, or just left it cryptic... I also think if people know what they are taking about then they will explain themselves...Generally it is normal to do

[Elcristoph]

Well the girl I was talking about said she was no good becouse every guy she had been with left her and cheated on her. as a result I felt she was just beaten down about herself and tried to be there for her. turns out those other guys had very real reasons for leaving her and I feel sorry for whoever is with her now