I'm not good enough for you?

[LanaArtist]

Imagine hearing this sentence while dating someone for a long time...

I kinda feel rejected..It sounds like a "Its not you, its me" sentence while breaking up... doesn't it?

so is he not into me? should I move on? or show him that he is good enough for me?

[bitesizedonut]

I think some people honestly have confidence issues. I know I have felt this way many times with my husband. I guess you could say I am too selfish to let go. In my opinion, if he is willing to keep me, then it is my responsibility to better myself if I think I am not good enough. Not every one thinks like that though.

Did he just say "I'm not good enough for you?" or did he say it AND break up with you? If it is the former, I would say that it is something you two need to work on and talk about together. Help him not to realize that he is good enough, but help him to realize that in love, being good enough is not what matters (because if any of us are ever good enough for others that means that we may also do something to make us not good enough). After that, if it is something he struggles with, maybe it's time he seek counseling about his issues. However, if he broke up with you with the excuse of "I'm not good enough for you" I have slightly different advice.

It could be just a cop out, but it is also possible that your ex struggled with self-esteem issues. If it was out of the blue, with no red flags, then I would say maybe it is just a cop out. If he has never been depressed, never hinted at feeling inferior, and if he has always been outgoing and talkative, it could be that he was being insincere in his reasoning.

I think if you really wanted to and if you felt he was sincere, you could give one last ditch effort to maintaining a relationship with this person. Tell them that though they may feel this way, you obviously do not. Tell them that you accepting them should be enough. Tell them that you want to stay together, but that you want them to go to counseling to work on some of the self-esteem issues. It may be that he just isn't ready for the level of commitment it requires for a long term relationship and that he needs some time to himself to learn and grow and build his self-esteem. Sometimes we have roads that we need to walk alone - it's hard to do this when you are in a relationship (but not impossible). Many times people resort to breaking up because it is easier than trying to figure out how to walk alone while attached to another person.

You can't really show him that he is good enough. It is something he needs to learn on his own if he truly feels that way. You can support him and encourage him, but you cannot walk it for him and you cannot even walk it with him. He has to have the motivation inside himself to do it if he really feels he isn't good enough.

If you think he is insincere or if he is unwilling to work on his self-esteem if he is sincere, then I would say, it is definitely time to move on.

Good luck. Situations like this are always more complicated because we can never know the intentions of others.

[Anonymous]

I get this a lot from my boyfriend too. He says things like "Im not good enough for you" "you're too good for me" and the worst of all, "You should date Mike." Mike is his friend that is constantly hitting on me. I repeatedly tell him that, no I will not date mike, and that yes he is good for me. He's just had a lot of issues in the past where girls would go after mike. Honestly I think it's a self-esteem issue. Try to tell him or show him that you're his and you want to be with him.

[bobair]

I'm uncertain from your explanation whether he actually broke up with you, or if he was just whining like a child. Either case here are my thoughts...

From my experience it sounds like he's doing 1 of two things:

1) He's fishing for approval... secretly he's hoping you'll say "That's not true, no, no, you're awesome and amazing! Please love me!"

He's insecure and is seeking your approval. Don't react with approval because this only further weakens him, and ultimately will weaken your attraction (respect) for him.

It's unfortunate that he's weak and lame like this, but his baggage is NOT your responsibility. He needs to grow up a little, and possibly find a healthy way to heal his insecurities.

2) He's lying because he doesn't want to hurt your feelings. Either way he's just not into you. Perhaps he's found someone else. Perhaps there's something that's not clicking between the two of you.. who knows.

Either way this is a pathetic way to get out of a relationship.

I wish you well on your journey to find someone new worth getting to know,

~ Robby

[tongakid]

If I were to say that to you (or any other woman), it wouldn't be propelled by guilt.

It would be that sense of overwhelming insecurity, usually a combination of "I'm crap and she's amazing".

I mean, a little bit of validation may be what he's fishing for. Playing the scenario out in my head, I think that would at least temporarily stop those feelings.

Good luck to you miss.

[OutOfMyElement43]

I'm going to assuming he didn't say this in a kind and joking way.

I would look at it like this: "if he said 'I'm not good enough for you," take him at his word. He's not good enough for you. No, don't try to show him he's good enough for you. He's trying to worm his way out of the relationship, and he's not man enough to just tell you.

[armyant]

Sounds like he's maybe guilty about something. Possibly cheating.

Usually people do this whole "Oh I'm just not good enough" pity routine when they know they've done something wrong so they're trying to muster empathy. Seen it from both sexes.

[bitesizedonut]

I was thinking that was a possibility as well >_>