So, why do men REALLY settle for plain/unattractive women after all?

[Anonymous]

I almost turned this one into a MyTake, but concluded it was not that important a problem, and more like a personal interest, which I admit is shallow, but only natural.
I have tried to seek answers in 'specialized' articles online, but they have left me deeply unsatisfied. That's because people can't seem to answer a question in logical terms. The answers seem to end up revolving around the idea that there is a choice to make between beautiful and shallow/self absorbed/lack of effort to better the relationship and unattractive with a wonderful personality, eager to please. And I find this to lack in logic and substance. This choice is not real! These are not the only 2 options. I have seen unattractive women who posess all the negative traits people imagine the beautiful ones having, and the other way around. For some reason, people seem unwilling to accept that the world contains a solid number of attractive individuals, who are attractive inside and out, and this issue, I realize, goes beyond gender. I am sure it also applies to men. And, well, not to sound conceited, but it is a frustrating thing to acknowledge.

Updates

+1 y

Just a quick update to thank all of you who have written helpful, interesting perspectives here without being too hung up on the controversial nature of my question. It is very much appreciated! :)

[redeyemindtricks]

Don't take this the wrong way, but... from the way you wrote the question I'll have to infer that YOU've never had a long-term rl with a hot guy -- because the dynamic is exactly the same.

After you've been in any decently good long-term relationship, you start to realize something.

Specifically:
(if we use the 0-10 scale that boys like to use)

* After long enough, that "10" you got... is going to be a "7" to you.

* After long enough, that "7" you got... is still going to be a "7" to you.

Basically, for LONG-TERM relationships, the scale isn't "0-10" anymore... it's basically just "0 or 1".
Power on or off.
Should I stay or should I go.
Hit it or quit it.

This is ESPECIALLY true for FACIAL attractiveness.
In my experience, at least, a hot body never loses its ability to chill and thrill... but, EVERY attractive face becomes "familiar" after a while. Every single one.

So what you're seeing, for the most part, is just decently smart economic decision-making, on the part of people who've "been there, done that" with long-term relationships.
The people you're seeing are still paired off with partners who "do it" for them -- and who are hot enough (to them) to still be a "1"/"stay"/"hit it"/"power on", forever -- and that's really all they can ask.

__

3 other things:

1)
To those of us who are more into bodies than faces -- men and women alike -- yh this will *never* be a thing.
My husband is NEVER going to get fat or out of shape, for instance. Oh fuck no. Wifey would *not* let that happen. Not in this life.

2)
As a woman, you may want to consider whether yr standard of female "attractiveness" actually correlates to what MEN find attractive.
... Does it?
Lots of women associate "beauty" with women like Jennifer Aniston -- who is "cute", yeah, but isn't much *at all* in the way of being HOT or sexually alluring TO MEN.
(I find this is especially true for shyer, less socially dominant women -- who subconsciously see women like Jen as "non-threatening" or "safe" because Jen would never steal yr man!)

Men, in general, are MOST attracted to women who have a CERTAIN amount -- not too much, but, some -- of that vamp-like seductress character that other women deride as "slutty" or "trashy".
Men don't want wives who literally look like whores, of course -- but, a LOT of the time, "slutty" is other women's begrudging acknowledgment that some other woman is hotter, TO MEN, than THEY wish she was.

3)
Girl!
You're... a girl!
Why nothing about MEN's looks, huh?

[iceEverestere]

Well, if you wrote it as a woman from woman's point of view, then I must say. It'same as men's psychology.
One more thing that I would like to add is that, guys who are perceived as hot, are also the resting bitch face type of guys, The guys who talk less, and have a attitude in the face and precisely, vampirely lol

By the way, what does 3rd point mean😤?
stop provoking her.

[Asker]

@iceEverestere Thanks man :D

And to the asker, I am interested in this particular issue. Feel free to ask about men's looks if you like, I am sure you will get helpful answers. :)

[redeyemindtricks]

"Asker"? Aren't you the asker? LOL

What I meant by point 3 was... I'm a straight woman. I can tell -- in VERY broad strokes -- whether other women are, say, in the top or bottom 50% of what guys generally go for... but, any further detail beyond that, I honestly just can't.
In terms of picking out the women whose looks just drive men *crazy* with desire, vs. the women who are just "attractive"... I'm complete shit. I'd basically be making random guesses.

That's where I'm going with #3... As a straight woman, I wouldn't even feel like I could ask a question like this with any authenticity, because I **can't reliably tell** what boys are going to think about girl X or girl Y or girl Z.
And, unless you're attracted to women -- AND your tastes line up with men's (which is highly doubtful) -- I'm basically suggesting that you can't, really, either.

I can definitely tell when a woman is going to drive men crazy with her generally seductive vibe, or some otherwise sexy

[Asker]

P. S. Also, I am a bisexual female, so that might help clear things up a bit :)

[redeyemindtricks]

thing about the way she carries herself... but, that's not just "looks" anymore. (And, ironically, that's another answer to yr question -- LOTS of women just have an irresistible seductiveness about them, quite apart from their physical looks.)

[iceEverestere]

@asker
You are Welcome

[Asker]

Sure I am, sorry :) my mistake

[shadowlegend]

Tough. The world doesn't make sense to you because some attractive people date other people you consider unattractive, well that's just what happens. Everyone has personal preference, emotions aren't logical, duh. Just because you don't find someone attractive it doesn't mean the person dating them doesn't. They also may be incredibly compatible personality-wise, you don't know and you can't know. But it's none of your business, and relationships don't work based on logic, they work based on compatibility, effort, attraction (of which physical attraction is just one kind) and many other things like persistence, understanding etc.

[Asker]

Of course it's none of my business, but I am still curious about the issue. And why not ask here, anonymously, without hurting anybody's feelings? :) I am sure we are all curious about certain things that are and will never be any of our business. :)

[shadowlegend]

That question doesn't have academic value because attractiveness is subjective, the only conclusive data you can gain is "people find different things attractive, thus some people may find someone attractive who isn't to others", which I already said. The question came over as conceited.

[Asker]

Well it wasn't meant to be academic, nor answered to by people who felt badly about it. I am not planning to write a PhD thesis on the issue :))) all I did was say bluntly the things that others never do (not saying they should, but also, those of us who are willing to discuss it should be able to). I think the question of what people perceive as attractive and why is interesting.

[shadowlegend]

Then ask "what traits do people find attractive", asking why some people date unattractive people is just judgmental and instigating. That's categorizing people as one or the other when the reality is we are both to different people.

[peachblossomluck]

Hot/good-looking women in the 8-10 range, are a liability to any man who isn't on top of the game. By this, I mean with low self-esteem which tends to be a lot of them, unfortunately. Feeling good about ourselves is one of those burdens that most of us (either gender and whatever gender identity in between) struggle with and life is better is better when we don't feel threatened by uncertainty.

[HenriJamesJr]

Not so much uncertainity as the unwillingness of a lot of people to work with insecurities. Dating top tier attractive people can be so hard for how little they put up with.

[peachblossomluck]

@HenriJamesJr People with insecurities are too high-maintenance. When they aren't trying to control you, they are trying to pull you down with them. They are paranoid and constantly creating problems which aren't there. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

[HenriJamesJr]

Everyone has insecurities, not everyone is as quick to push them away as you are ;-)

[peachblossomluck]

@HenriJamesJr I don't punish and try to destroy other people with my problems. I solve my problems instead like a decent person.

[HenriJamesJr]

Sounds like you're still hung up on someone.

[peachblossomluck]

@HenriJamesJr No. I'm just being blunt.

[peachblossomluck]

Thank you:)

[DonRomeo]

Well written and interesting question!

And it is actually a very important issue. It is the same simple dynamic as 'why do intelligent men work as cleaners' or why are they unemployed.

They come from parents who dont have the social status/wealth that women demand of sexual partners. And like employers, women have 100% of the decision power.

If a smart man who wants a job is unemployed, clearly it is because he doesn't have the decision power over employment. If a decent-looking man goes with an ugly/unattractive woman, its because women have the power, and men and boys have desperately had to go for whatever they can get.
There is a correlation between how rich a guys parents are, and how traditionally attractive his partner is. Basically, life sucks.

[Asker]

thank you for being decent about my question, I see it upset people, but honestly I don't know what other way that is more non offensive I could have found to ask it. and thanks for this perspective, I don't know how I feel about it yet but it is something interesting to think of! Much more practical and on point than anything I had in mind...

[super147]

I can't speak for all other men, all that I can say is I never settle. I always, without exception, go for girls that I'm attracted to and have never been with a girl that I wasn't attracted to. When guys go for girls that they aren't attracted to I can only imagine that it's about sex alone. They are able to get aroused and do the deed without needing to be attracted. I've never been like that, I can't be aroused by someone that I'm not attracted to.

[Cosytoasty]

The world doesn't contain a solid number of attractive people.

20% of girls are attractive, then you can easily halve that to get the girls who are attractive with nice personalities, good morals. Leaves you 10%, every man wants that 10% but in reality 90% of men are not going to get it, ergo settling for whatever they can get.

[IceCubedude]

beuatiful girls from my observations seem more loyal, smarter and put effort into making the relationship work, now why men choose the less attractive ones? attractive women are always taken and they are limited what we are left with are the unattractive ones , sadly i know what iam talking about as iam in the same situation.

[Mysterio421]

Well, some guys settle for girls who have a nice personality and who aren't demanding and others want trophy wives. Men generally get with the hottest woman that they can afford and women get with the richest man that they may attract. That's generally how it is. Add in personality and other factors, it's a big mess.

[Fun4me83]

The best explanation is actually quite simple, not everyone is attracted to or likes the same thing. A guy you find extremely attractive might make me crinkle my nose and say "Oh hell no !!". Different strokes for different folks.

[blutwolfe]

Because she likes me for me, hot girls usually have an inflated ego like they're too good for me or some shit

[Asker]

I think most of the time that happens in the minds of men who perceive themselves as not being good enough, and then project it onto the woman. You'd be surprised of how down to Earth women's standards can be! :)

[Anonymous]

Usually because he matches her in appearance, status and demeanor.

[Asker]

this sounds very reasonable actually

[Anonymous]

studies have confirmed that the most successful relationships are between people of equal (or approximate) levels of physical attractiveness.

Obviously this is because the power dynamic in the relationship is balanced, people are reluctant to "slum" it and dating a partner of considerably higher value usually won't last-long term due to the inherit inequality, hence people date their equals.

not necessarily right but that's life and dating.

[Sara413]

Some likely feel more secure in a relationship with a woman who is more average or plain and not a big head turner.

[kickme]

mens idea of pretty equals thin and nice looking features.

Women's idea of pretty is how much make-up, clothes, hairdo, jewelry, etc.

you need to remember that you are doing all that stuff for other women, not for men. In fact most men see it and realize you are probably a high maintenance pain in the ass. Just good for fucking

[Bandit74]

Depends...

I think hot girls are generally stuck up bitches, while beautiful/cute girls tend to have more positive personality traits.

I also think average looking girls tend to have more casual sex than the really attractive girls.

[redeyemindtricks]

When boys differentiate between "hot" women and "beautiful" women... after enough poking, prodding and questioning... it usually turns out that they're defining "hot" mainly in terms of things a woman does *on purpose* and can *control*.
Like, "hot" = makeup and clothes are aggressive and on point... she carries herself with confidence and, to be blunt, walks like a bitch (you know exactly what I'm talking about)... etc.

If you're following the lead of most boys here, then, what you're saying is almost certainly true -- but only because it's circular reasoning. ("Women who are totally on point with superficial qualities tend to be... more superficial." Who knew?)

If you're breaking convention and defining "hot" by things that are still INHERENT -- but that are somehow different from (and mostly mutually exclusive with) "beautiful" -- then... do tell. I'm not really seeing how that could be a thing, but I'd at least hear you out.

[Bandit74]

@redeyemindtricks

You are right about make-up, attitude, and style of dress affecting perceptions.

In addition to that, I do think their facial features can affect that. For example women who tend to have sharper features or resting bitch face are more likely to fall into the hot category. However women with more happy, youthful, or welcoming faces fall more into the cute or beautiful category.

[redeyemindtricks]

"women who tend to have sharper features or resting bitch face are more likely to fall into the hot category"

^^
:: looks in mirror ::
:: smiles that devastating bitchy half-smile ::

#fuckyeah :*

[Bandit74]

@redeyemindtricks
lol 🙈

[ASEXY]

It's because most women are either plain or unattractive. Nines and tens are minorities...

[Anonymous]

Is this what we’ve come to as men? We’ll fawn, drool and desire the sexiest of the female sex, but when it comes to reality, we’ll gladly settle for second best if it involves less work. I hope this is not the case for me. Logically it seems ideal to pick a less attractive/easier partner for higher chances of mating

[Asker]

Noo, don't take this the wrong way please, I don't want to offend men, it's just sth I've been noticing over a long period of time, and not in all men, of course. :)

[TryingToWriteBooks]

Timing and supply and demand. If you decide you want a wife ASAP and there are no attractive women around, that's what happens.

[WalterRadio]

Looks may get a girl asked out (or not if extremely beautiful), but personality is what keeps the guy coming back.

[Asker]

sure! but what about looks + personality? :)

[Anonymous]

We realise where not all that and take the best we can get over being single. Said but thats life.

[LB33777]

Because plain unattrative woman know they're unattrative so the have to gain skills to make the appear attractive. While some pretty girls can be just a pretty face and not lack any skills.

[Blitzkrieger]

You know i dont follow societal beauty standards or whatever seems to be the consensus. The girls i find really attractive are not too attractive by societal standards but they are to me. It may be the same for other men too.

[SuccessfulHornDog]

They don't value the same standards for beauty as you do. Go ahead and call them ugly but they are being stuffed with ccck over and over

[blondfrog]

Now your getting it see not all guys give a shit about looks.

[vadka32]

Its because girls that are pretty usually have shit personalities or are already taken.