My boyfriend's horseplay is sometimes too rough?

Question

My boyfriend likes to play fight/bother me sometimes and I don't really like to retaliate because I'm not really a fan of horseplay. However when he does do it, its fun for a little bit but sometimes I don't think he knows his own strength, and becomes a little too rough. I'm 5'3, 130 lbs And he's 6'0, 200 lbs. When he's gotten too rough with me during horseplay I got serious and complained that he was hurting me and he blew it off and said something like "That didn't even hurt." He jokingly choked me last night (I know that sounds suspect) but he did it too rough and too long so I couldn't breathe and I got upset. I started squirming around smacking his hands to let him know get off me and he let go. He also will flick me in my head or forehead sometimes and it hurts. Sometimes I question if he hurts me on purpose or if he just really doesn't know his own strength. However he's generally very gentle and sweet with me. He's never been extremely angry with me so I don't know how he'll react out of anger. I do know that he has a bad temper but has never taken it out on me. I don't want to believe that he would purposefully hurt me but I've never dealt with anyone like this before. What do you all think?

slatyb · Accepted Answer

Dump this guy. So many red flags in your post. He is physically abusing you and discounts your feelings. "He will also flick me in the head" -- that's completely unacceptable and unloving. Yes, he is hurting you on purpose. "He has a bad temper, but..." -- guys with bad tempers tend to end up in jail. Did you grow up in a violent home? Most women would immediately dump a guy who behaved like him.

Get away from him while you can. Right now he's controlling himself around you. When he gets more comfortable, or has more control of your life you are going to make him angry and that will be bad news.

Matt21 · Accepted Answer

hey, unfortunately he probably doesn't know his own strength and is probably used to rough housing with the people he cares about (like his father or something perhaps)

If I were you, I would explain to him that you are his girlfriend and you get that he's just messing around but you'd prefer never to be treated like that period.

At the very least, set some boundaries and limit it to tickling and decide on a safe word or something :)

I wish you two the best of luck and I know that you two love one another dearly and can work things out.

-cheers

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

he gets off on hurting women. is that someone you really want to be with for the rest of your life? have kids to? because it wouldn't be mine.

he clearly doesn't listen to boundaries so...
you can also sit down with him and talk about what you are willing to do and what you are not, if he can't respect those you need to leave because this guy is a wack job who may need some therapy down the line. he no doubt will get worse. no man who loves you would ignore your boundaries.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

You need to tell him. When you tell him to stop he should respect you and just not do it. Tell him when you see him again that he hurts you and that you don't like it and if he can't respect that then he is disrespecting you. He shouldn't be choking you, like wtf? That's pretty horrible-playing or not. He has issues

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Don't tell him that it bothers you during it because he might dismiss it. Try to tell him after it or before it or any other moment really. Have a serious facial expression when you tell him that.

deraz24 · Accepted Answer

I would bring it up and tell him that its getting a little out of hand, yea its cool to play around sometimes but he needs to be reminded of his strength

OlderAndWiser · Answer

"He's never been extremely angry" but "He jokingly choked me last night"

If he chokes you for a "joke," what the hell will he do when he gets angry? This guy is not right and you need to distance yourself from him.

JessetheTerrible · Answer

Tell him, but not just after he's done some 'horseplay'. Find some time went both of you are free to sit down and discuss it, explain that it really hurts, and you're not a fan. If he doesn't listen, blows you off, etc, then I'd definitely say leave. Being able to respect boundaries is hella important in relationships.

lord_chilled · Answer

He might be onto some bdsm or play rape shit.
Well, if it was a girl, thats a dealbreaker for me. Even considering that most girls aren't strong enough to force me into it.
Id suggest you have a talk, a serious one. Make your tone serious, so that he knows you aren't fucking around. Then discuss this with him

Anonymous · Answer

You need to have a serious talk with him and tell him all this. If he doesn't take you seriously, I'd do something to make him take you seriously. He needs to understand you're a woman, not another guy and he's being too rough. He needs to respect you. If he cares, he will listen. If not, maybe break up with him for a while to show how serious you are.

Onethatsbeenaround · Answer

I feel your pain. You probably want to speak to him about being worried that it might get progressively worse. I don't ever want my Lady to be hurting inside because I'm not sensitive to her feelings. I want her to be always thinking of my tender touch, not my rough handling. What might happen to you or offspring if you tick him off and he loses his temper? Love, real love, does always the things that please the loved. Blessings,

Dim1213 · Answer

It sounds like a little of both but he might be getting worse and now hurting you on purpose. Often it is hard to tell until latter. Be careful and run if you really suspect him of something.

Rich0608 · Answer

Kick him in the balls when he's not expecting it and after he manages to stand up and catch his breath say "oh that didn't even hurt"

Benk111 · Answer

You said it yourself "I got serious and complained that he was hurting me and he blew it off and said something like "That didn't even hurt." If you have told him it bothers you and he continues to do it you should leave him.

Kaaarinaaa · Answer

Tell him that he is hurting you and what you wish from him in future

realworld2017 · Answer

give him the boot. the dude is sick.

Anonymous · Answer

Who calls it horseplay?

Anonymous · Answer

Punch him to show him you mean business.

ATEAM1209 · Answer

Break up with him

My boyfriend's horseplay is sometimes too rough?

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