My male colleague is nervous and shy around me?

[Anonymous]

My male colleague, always seems a bit nervous and awkward around me and I'm not sure why.

We don't always see each other but when we do, it takes him a while (hours!) to gain confidence around me. He sometimes appears to act quite hostile and just a bit awkward and quiet. Sometimes I'll ask him something and he'll look at me (almost like he's startled!) and he'll answer ever so quietly.

If we're ever on a conference call, it's the same - he doesn't joke with me the same as he does with the rest of the team. He'll have a laugh with everyone on the call but if I ask him a question or speak directly to him, he is very quiet and speaks slower and almost in a higher pitched voice.

Any explanations?

[Anonymous]

That is REALLY bizarre behavior. Maybe because all his other colleagues are male, he doesn't know how to talk around girls or just to girls in general. Honestly with the way he acts when he doesn't "have his confidence", I'd say he sounds kinda like an asshole and isn't really worth your time.

[Asker]

He's married so should know how to speak to women!!

[Iron_Man]

Are you one of those beautiful type girls or are you one of those shot callers and act tough so maybe you intimidate him?

[Asker]

Mmmm I would say I'm just a girl! I join in with the conversations with all the men and I have a laugh, I have my own views and I voices them when necessary. But I'm not sure if I appear intimidating or not. I would say not but maybe he disagrees... 🤔

[Asker]

I take pride in my appearance and I'd say I'm a girly girl - but an independent one

[Iron_Man]

Well after what you just told me I would have to be there in person over seeing the whole situation then I can lay it on the line with you and tell you how I feel about what's going on here. Is there any way that you can talk to one of your friends and find out what's going on maybe your friend can talk to the guy?

[Asker]

He's a colleague, I'm new to the firm and all the other colleagues are male and are his friends! So no lol!

[Asker]

I wouldn't say I'm intimidating, I'm a really friendly person and most people find me really approachable and warm.

[Iron_Man]

Well since you can't find out the best thing to do is just blow it off and continue doing what you do that's what you were hired to do

[Asker]

Him being weird and nervous makes me feel weird and nervous. It's so odd - and I'm not usually a nervous person!!

[Iron_Man]

There's always someone that comes along that Ruffles someone's feathers. Dont pay attention to him

[mysTearica_]

wow he liiikkeeess you

[Asker]

What makes you say that?

[mysTearica_]

well based on experience, my current boyfriend acted like that too when we first met..

[XiONKale]

he likes you

[Asker]

What makes you think that?

[XiONKale]

coz i would've done the same if i was around a girl who i like even have done it subconsciously

[Asker]

Mmmmmm interesting

[Asker]

When I see him and he speaks to me, he looks me straight in the eye though.

[XiONKale]

he might be trying to look for signals or trying to look confident so you don't call him a puss in your mind :D

[Asker]

It's weird. When we're speaking one on one, it's awkward and you could cut the tension with a knife.. yet when there's other people there, he's a different person! Laughs and jokes with everyone (and me!). He's never rude, but doesn't pay me compliments either.

[XiONKale]

hmm many because he don't want to look try hard to you or embarrass you by complimenting in front of others who knows... you can try giving him and honest complement about him too :D maybe it will encourage him to pay some back... or it might be you are just his crush i mean he is not socially awkward right , awkward only around you so definitely something is going on here girl :D

[Asker]

He isn't awkward socially, no. Certainly not round the rest of our colleagues. His role requires that he deals with people so he's ok with communicating. I know he has a bit of a fear about getting up and speaking in front of people but that's about it! And then me!!!

[XiONKale]

:D i am rooting for you... if he doesn't make first move get on and make the first move for him :D

[XiONKale]

if you are unsure of him liking you then flirt passively... try testing you a little... like as what is he's fav color and before he saying say that your's is ____ and you like it when guys wear that color , see if he wears that color next day or the day afterward or not :D