Why are some guys so scared of approaching girls?

[Anonymous]

We're just girls, we're not gonna bite! This is something I'll never understand.

When I got to college, it's surprised me how much guys act like pussies around me and other girls in general. They will look at me or even smile, but never talk to me. Only a few have mustered the courage to ask how I'm doing and have a conversation with me. Love those guys! I love to approach guys but I really prefer it when guys approach me first. The guys who approach first have an advantage over all the other guys who missed out just because they were too scared.

Guys, why are some of you so scared?

[Anonymous]

Guys are raised to respect women and leave them alone in public. Women complain when they're approached in pretty much every venue with the exception of dating websites. Women have been complaining that guys approaching them while they're studying, on the street, have their headphones in, in the gym, in the grocery store, etc is disrespectful to women (and can be considered sexual harassment which could get a guy in shit). So guys listen and don't approach them.

A man may wait for a woman's signal, but one woman's hey come talk to me signal is another woman's just being friendly signal. Guys like to play things safe and not complicate their life as much as possible. Also if a guy had bad experiences with respectfully approaching a woman in the past he may think twice about approaching one in the future.

Reasons why I haven't approached women:
-I had a girlfriend (I don't cheat)
-I was getting over a break up (in a healthy way)
-Had an assignment to due in half hour that I just started
-I was in a rush
-I was hanging with friend and didn't feel like ditching them to go talk to a girl
-I didn't have time to date anyone at the time (or any time soon)
-She looked busy
-She had an obvious boyfriend
-She was surrounded by friends
-Given the location it seemed more respectful not to approach
-Headphones in
-I had nothing to say after hello
-Overhearing her conversations with her friends I knew we wouldn't click
-I don't hit on every attractive woman in sight (Beautiful women are literally everywhere)
-I just wasn't looking to date or sleep with anyone at the time (being single is nice too)

Also sometimes guys may look at a woman because of a distinctive feature, like a cool hair colour or style, a cool t-shirt, or maybe a cool hat. Also just because a guy finds a woman attractive doesn't mean he wants to date her.

If you like a guy and think approach him. All those guys missed out on one opportunity with you, you missed out on a bunch of opportunities with them.

[Kauto_Star]

"If you like a guy and think approach him. All those guys missed out on one opportunity with you, you missed out on a bunch of opportunities with them."
How does he knows she's genuinely interested in him and not being abusive?

[Opinion Owner]

@Kauto_Star Guys generally don't. Last girl I dated turned out to be cheating on me and left me for the guy. she also showed some interest back in me. Though at the beginning of a relationship guys generally put in most effort by approaching. Girls usually don't approach so I'd assume most women approachi would be interested in a guy. Thouh in all fairness I see where you're coming from because I've also had women flirt with me and lead me on for a joke. Though if we never take a shot then we'll remain where we are.

[Kauto_Star]

What I meant are women who feign flirt (seeing him as a mark) with the intention of:
- getting drinks at your expense.
- setting a scheme where her boyfriend beats him up and robs him.
- virgin shaming and laugh at him behind his back.

[Opinion Owner]

@Kauto_Star Ahh I see what you mean. Okay for getting free shit from you, I don't buy a girl anything when I first meet her, well at least until we start dating. In the beginning stages of dating I may buy her cheap and inexpensive things from time to time. As time goes on it should be obvious if she's genuinely interested. No girl would stick around waiting for free stuff from a guy not buying it from her when she can go and find a guy who will.

For the second point always date out in public areas with people you just meet. Let a friend or two knowing that you're going out and get a picture of your date if you can and a name. This I find is less likely to happen overall. There are cameras everywhere and I'm sure police reports get these types of people caught and locked away fast.

Lastly, majority of women are more mature than to virgin shame a guy. Though if one does she's shallow and marked herself as so. This leaves you free to find a mature woman who'll love you for you.

[Opinion Owner]

Though also for the last point. Everyone comes across assholes at some point and there's nothing wrong with being a virgin. Heck some women wait for marriage to lose their virginity (usually more religious types but not limited to more religious types). Those types also don't virgin shame. The key is to accept oyurself as you are, don't put yourself down and realize that you're a badass. Thinking like this will help your confidence. If a woman rejects you it just means she wasn't interested and that has everything to do with her and nothing to do with you. If a woman treats you like shit, leave her and find someone who treats you better. Agan this is all on her and not on you. Just keep working and improving on yourself whether or not women show interest. It'll help you live a happier and more fulfilling life.

[Kauto_Star]

Thanks for your advice, although well-intentioned. I'm in my mid-50s so I no longer require it.
I thought I'd give my "seniority" into it.
What I'm talking about is women APPROACHING MEN SHE'S NOT ATTRACTED TO, with sinister intent. She ACTS like into him WHEN SHE'S NOT.

[JustCallMeLeon]

In our defence, its not only a guy thing. A lot of people are afraid of rejection. Plus think this: if a guy rejects a girl, he might tell his buddies laugh a bit and thats it, he won't remember it tomorrow. If a girl rejects a guy, she literally ridicules him to aaaaall 200 girl friends of hers. He becomes from "a guy trying to get a girl" to being "the loser who tried to hit on Susan".

[levantine99]

because we can be harsh and bitches. not all of us, but one such experience even if it wasn't personal but to a friend of his, is enough to scare him off. plus their own personal insecurities and illusions of inadequacy can make them think there is no meaning submitting for a job for which they are unqualified. its not proper to pedestalise us since we are equally if not more insecure and imperfect.

[rjroy3]

Most complete and accurate answer here

[levantine99]

and getting beaten up by a wingman of ours. thats an actual fear guys told me they have.

[rjroy3]

lol, I'm a bit more imposing so I'm not too concerned about that one. But I have had concern about the friend/'s creating issues. Some "friends" get jealous and don't want a good thing to happen for their friend, because nothing is happening for them that night.

[levantine99]

@rjroy3 pitty ego games. true.

[FatherJack]

Superb answer , witnessed a lot of the very harsh & mean rejections as former door staff , some groups of young women even competed with each other to be the nastiest rejector. Most women do seem to give off an aura of " stay well away " ... makes me glad never to be dating again !!

[levantine99]

@FatherJack haha rejection competition? nasty stuff... . its sad to need such ego boosts. not everyone does it though.

[FatherJack]

@levantine99 Sadly... yes , for real !! I threw out one group to prevent trouble at the venue I was assigned to.. they were abusive to me at first... then 2 of them became more friendly... I still told them to leave & " mummy's waiting up for you " in a sarky tone , to make clear I would not tolerate their BS !!

[Asker]

Good answer.

[Thia18]

Because we don't act approachable and are masters at ignoring (some of us;)

[Thia18]

But I totally agree, I like it when someone initiates conversation with me. I can be a scaredy cat haha

[kaysan]

you're a total cunt

[Thia18]

Okay, got your message.

[sovetskii13]

Different reasons depending on the guy, the girl, and the situation.
1. Fear of rejection and embarrassment.
2. The girl is too intimidating.
3. Lack of confidence (I'm not good enough for her).
4. Did it in the past and it did not go well. Doesn't want to through the process again.
5. Fear of being seen as a creep.
6. Fear of being attacked (pepper sprayed or something).
7. Fear of being accused of sexual assault even though he did nothing wrong.
And more, but they are not about being "Scared"

[HikerDude]

Deep down most guys fear that they're not what girls are looking for. They simply don't have confidence in themselves and what they have to offer girls, partly because they've heard so many girls complaining about the lame guys who thought they had a chance.

I approach a lot of girls and have lots of success, but I'm really the exception. My self-confidence is extremely high because I've worked hard to build it up since I was teen. Most guys don't have my level of confidence because they're out of shape, or not attractive, or are physically weak. That's why they act like pussies around girls. They just haven't built themselves into someone that makes them proud.

[BigJake]

That's so true. I've always struggled being out of shape, and it makes me question if girls would even want to date me. I've tried to build myself with weight training and getting leaner so I can have the confidence you have.

[HikerDude]

@BigJake Physical fitness goes a long way to making guys confident with girls. I never question if a girl will be into me. I *know* without a doubt that girls are attracted to me, and even the ones who aren't crazy about my looks respect me for having muscle and fitness and gain attraction as they see how mentally strong I am.

[FatherJack]

I agree , was forged into a much more confident adult by British Army service , went through & passed the infamous P Company... paratrooper training & selection , which gets you in superb shape , physically & mentally... it was a bastard to go through !!

[Direction]

I'd say its something like fear of the unknown, or fear of rejection? Guys probably assume if they approach you they are telegraphing that they find you attractive and stuff and that just adds to the pressure to make a good first impression. Maybe they've had bad experiences in the past. Guys don't like rejection especially if you're not used to it.. so its like ooh i think this girls really cute and idolizing her or whatever, then you go say hi and act all nervous and she isn't reciprocating your enthusiasm and feelings or is hanging out with friends who sort of poke fun at you... just bruises our egos and then we're mortified to show our faces around you again or something?

TL;DR: Bad previous experiences, lack of experience and fear of rejection are the primary culprits I imagine.

[NJ_Casanova]

Rejection... also Nowadays guys get Sexual harassment charges, called a pervert/Creep, b ETC.

I Only date girls that are "Interested/Strong enough" that THEY ask.

It comes down to (Common sense) 9/20 attempts a guy does... women deny his advantages.

A girl that goes to a guy only 30% get turned down... IF they had flirty Eye contact. 95% of my Female friends could get LAID right NOW if they want. just by Texting Me.

It's STUPID for a guy to put himself out there knowing this...(THE ONLY Guys that DO) are only looking to hook up.

ALSO... GIRLS are MUCH!!! More Vague in their FLIRTING than a guy is. 90% of my female friends... that only see me as a friend... do the same thing (flirt) as Girls at a Bar/Club that I don't know.

How is a GUY to Know the Difference?

[NJ_Casanova]

A Girl that wants the GUY to DO EVERYTHING... IS Basically ASKING FOR AS GUY THAT... ONLY WANTS TO USE HER.

[Passinggas]

Mostly has to do with lack of interest. There are a few girls I approached while in school and dated. But it isn’t required as much now since a text can replace it. Also, most girls have become so socially toxic with all the laws that in some places a glance is sexual harassment or worse, that to approach one is equivalent to hitting yourself in the head with a bat, the latter is actually easier. When I am in the mood to pick an argument I will approach a girl, when I am looking for a date I let them pick me up and that seems to work the best. Your question has emanated from 50 years of feminism and social engineering. Those few, daring or ignorant enough to approach you that you love, numbers will diminish with a few more laws and nationalized false rape media busts to the point that it is simply not worth it anymore.

[dmac111]

Why not approach first? Guys are tired of having to approach first. Especially because of the humiliation that has like a 75% of happening to us. On top of that the ones who are acting like pussies were the ones who did come up to girls first but rejection after rejection they just gave up hope.

[Asker]

I approach sometimes.

[bloodmountain1990]

I would say it depends on the girl and the situation. I've seen some girls who just give off a vibe that they're unapproachable and off putting, not all obviously. I've just had some girls give me dirty looks like i have some ulterior motive even if I'm not trying to approach them at all.

For me if I'm at a bar or somewhere out in public and a girl has an interesting shirt, tattoo, etc then that's a good conversation starter for me. I'm not afraid of rejection but I'm not gonna approach a girl if I have nothing to say. I'm not gonna have a conversation that's just all small talk.

[yeeeeeeeet]

I'm sorry if I'm being a "pussy" but I really don't feel like making an ass out of myself just so you can reject me and tell all your friends about it.

[yourmad101338]

My nigga

[Robertinho]

Ouch... but very true, i see it happen everytime, thats why i dont bother anymore. I have my dignity first, dont need a girl to trip me like that, no thanks.

[Asker]

Kk... lol I wouldn't make fun of you or any guy who approaches me. I consider all that as a compliment.

[Barrabus_the_Free]

Every woman is a potential false accuser. Especially college girls, who are bombarded with feminazi propaganda every day about how a man even looking at them is somehow rape.

Any guy that's got more than two relationshits under his belt quickly comes to realize that women just aren't worth it. If she's interested, she'll let you know. If she's not, she'll make a false accusation, humiliate you in the cruelest way she can dream up, or send a couple scumpouch white knights to come fuck you up.

There's a LOT of risk, and no reward. Women can claim men are stupid all they want, but that doesn't make it true. And we're very good at determining value and comparing risk vs. reward.

Remember, girls, YOU did this. You caused the situation that we're all living in. So stop crying for men to fix it. It's up to you.

[Kauto_Star]

Exactly, when I was younger I thought there was something (I couldn't pinpoint) was wrong with me. Then I along came the wonderful Internet. I thought fuck it and went MGTOW.

[Barrabus_the_Free]

@Kauto_Star

Teh Interwebz has been a life- and sanity-saver for a great many men.

[Shaniface]

Dude I think you need therapy. Blaming the opposite gender for your own insecurities will get you nowhere. I have been fucked over by a handful of guys but I still believe there's good ones out there :) once you're happy within yourself you'll find the right person.

[Barrabus_the_Free]

@Shaniface

I'm plenty happy within myself. Acknowledging the risks and the reality I face does not equal insecurity. I've lived through that shit. And I have friends that got it even worse than I did. At least when I was falsely accused, it only cost me some money for a lawyer and transferring to a different high school. I didn't get attacked by a white knight and blinded in one eye like a friend of mine in high school. And when a bitch got pregnant and lied about me being her kid's father, I didn't pay any CS because she put "Unknown" for the father's name on the birth certificate. Then proceeded to lie about me being that kid's dad for 14 years, til DNA said no. But the kid is the one who gets to suffer for that, not me. And when I compared them to other men, I realized my marriage and divorce were a LOT better than what's normal.

I'm quite happy with my life how it is, which is SINGLE, just doing a ONS it Pump & Dump when I really feel the urge for sex.

[Barrabus_the_Free]

But I understand, you don't have any legitimate, factual rebuttal for what's been written, so you resort to shaming language. It's all women have. And it works on too many men, so you've never been forced to be anything other than a One-Trick Pony. Just like women haven't evolved since the Ice Age, because what worked for them then continues to work today, so they haven't *had* to evolve.

I get it. If I could get by on no effort and manipulating other people, I might do it too. But it won't work on me. I can't even say nice try, because really it was half-arsed. But I'm sure if you just keep practicing, you'll improve. It still won't work on me, but there are a lot of other men it will work on.

So you keep practicing (on someone else I mean; I don't have the patience for it), and have a great day. I know my day will be great. It's already off to a good start thanks to a nice long workout.

:)

[animus1988]

1) i always talk to hot girls and flirt with them.

2) some girls are bitches and get their rocks off on belittling guys.
they get a confidence boost it (never happened to me but I've seen it first hand)

3) most guys dont want to be a white knight cuck and boost a girls ego by approaching and making her feel special unless she's super hot.

4) most girls in general just aren't hot enough for a guy to care enough to talk to them

5) we live in a liberal feminist society where some women will literally turn it around and scream rape and harassment if you say something they dont agree with or like

[Anonymous]

The reason why you assume it's due to them being afraid is due to your ego. Your ego does not like not being approached so to protect itself, it labels the cause as fear...

I used to approach girls everywhere, shops, at bus stops, bars, clubs, walking down the street. But after a while it gold boring and I found better things to do with my time.

Women seem to expect something when a guy looks at them. A woman I was looking at came over to me...

Sometimes a guy enjoys looking, and they move on, it doesn't have to be about fear, or wanting anything deeper...

[Browneye57]

Cuz you scream rape if they so much as whistle at you. Are you not paying attention?

[Asker]

Lmfaoo

[IHateBeingaMan]

a lot of us easily run out of things to say or talk about, sure most of us can easily say Hi, Hello or how's it going, but what to talk about in the initial interaction or first conversation is hard, a big challenge for many guys, we just don't know what to talk about.

Seriously, I've always hated and resented with a huge burning, raging passion on how guys always have to approach, make the first move, be the initiator in terms of starting the relationship, I've hated it so damn much it has made me have dark thoughts at times, it can feel like such a huge injustice, it's like why can't girls come after guys for once?

[anametouse]

Well, as a guy who rarely approaches, allow me to explain. We are pussies because we have faced rejection or think we will face rejection. I have social anxiety when it comes to approaching girls because you girls are intimidating. You know, maybe we guys wanna be approached too, we don't bite either! Well except when we are making out with a girl but that is a different story.

[sawno]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmP1ier3R30

[rjroy3]

Solid response sir lol. That's not the only reason, but it's a big reason.

[FatherJack]

@ 0.16 ..." FUCK OFF !! " ... Exactly why men do not approach , this is not uncommon , not happened to me , but have seen this enough times !!

[Robertinho]

Im not scared its just that im not going to waste my time on attitudes regardless on how pretty she may be... or not. Besides i got better things to do. And its easier said then done, since your a girl and its us guys that have to approach and do all the work. And about the understanding part exactly i can explain it as careful as i can, but you will never be able to get it... simply because its a guy thing, indeed, ciao.

[PoliceLivesMatter]

Several reasons
1.) They could be interested, but just wary of rejection
2.) Just wanted to catch a glimpse of you. Nothing by it.
3.) Thought you were attractive and decided to engage in eye contact. Some guys might have girlfriends, but they still flirt or look at other girls blatantly.
4.) Stroking their ego

[Kauto_Star]

Possible reasons:
1) Could have came from a religious background where sex is a taboo subject.
2) Socially ineptness
3) Self doubt (a belief that she'll reject him if he ask)
4) Thinks he's "out of her league"
5) Gynophobia (a fear of women)
6) Fear he'll cock up and get rejected.
7) Fear of looking stupid.
8) Fear of harsh rejections and hostility from women.
9) Fear of getting himself into trouble (be accused of sexual harassment)
10) Don't want to give off the impression he just using her for sex.
11) Gets the impression that women don't men or being approached.
12) Don't to come off as a creep.
13) With feminism vilifying male-female interactions don't want to get himself on the err side of caution.

[FatherJack]

They have been brainwashed to believe that even looking in the direction a woman is offensive , unwanted , predatory & invasive. Also , my understanding is , from conversations with women , is that the vast majority of women do not want to be bugged by a strange man. Some women can be quite nasty to approaching men , seen this many a time as former door staff.

[duderthecomputer]

College has this phenomenon of stripping away everyone's confidence and letting them work with scratch. It's not universal some people keep their outgoing demeanor, however the atmosphere isn't like highschool where everyone's a freshman/sophomore/etc. People are there one day then disappear another.