Why are some guys so scared of approaching girls?

Question

We're just girls, we're not gonna bite! This is something I'll never understand.

When I got to college, it's surprised me how much guys act like pussies around me and other girls in general. They will look at me or even smile, but never talk to me. Only a few have mustered the courage to ask how I'm doing and have a conversation with me. Love those guys! I love to approach guys but I really prefer it when guys approach me first. The guys who approach first have an advantage over all the other guys who missed out just because they were too scared.

Guys, why are some of you so scared?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Guys are raised to respect women and leave them alone in public. Women complain when they're approached in pretty much every venue with the exception of dating websites. Women have been complaining that guys approaching them while they're studying, on the street, have their headphones in, in the gym, in the grocery store, etc is disrespectful to women (and can be considered sexual harassment which could get a guy in shit). So guys listen and don't approach them.

A man may wait for a woman's signal, but one woman's hey come talk to me signal is another woman's just being friendly signal. Guys like to play things safe and not complicate their life as much as possible. Also if a guy had bad experiences with respectfully approaching a woman in the past he may think twice about approaching one in the future.

Reasons why I haven't approached women:
-I had a girlfriend (I don't cheat)
-I was getting over a break up (in a healthy way)
-Had an assignment to due in half hour that I just started
-I was in a rush
-I was hanging with friend and didn't feel like ditching them to go talk to a girl
-I didn't have time to date anyone at the time (or any time soon)
-She looked busy
-She had an obvious boyfriend
-She was surrounded by friends
-Given the location it seemed more respectful not to approach
-Headphones in
-I had nothing to say after hello
-Overhearing her conversations with her friends I knew we wouldn't click
-I don't hit on every attractive woman in sight (Beautiful women are literally everywhere)
-I just wasn't looking to date or sleep with anyone at the time (being single is nice too)

Also sometimes guys may look at a woman because of a distinctive feature, like a cool hair colour or style, a cool t-shirt, or maybe a cool hat. Also just because a guy finds a woman attractive doesn't mean he wants to date her.

If you like a guy and think approach him. All those guys missed out on one opportunity with you, you missed out on a bunch of opportunities with them.

JustCallMeLeon · Accepted Answer

In our defence, its not only a guy thing. A lot of people are afraid of rejection. Plus think this: if a guy rejects a girl, he might tell his buddies laugh a bit and thats it, he won't remember it tomorrow. If a girl rejects a guy, she literally ridicules him to aaaaall 200 girl friends of hers. He becomes from "a guy trying to get a girl" to being "the loser who tried to hit on Susan".

levantine99 · Accepted Answer

because we can be harsh and bitches. not all of us, but one such experience even if it wasn't personal but to a friend of his, is enough to scare him off. plus their own personal insecurities and illusions of inadequacy can make them think there is no meaning submitting for a job for which they are unqualified. its not proper to pedestalise us since we are equally if not more insecure and imperfect.

Thia18 · Accepted Answer

Because we don't act approachable and are masters at ignoring (some of us;)

sovetskii13 · Answer

Different reasons depending on the guy, the girl, and the situation.
1. Fear of rejection and embarrassment.
2. The girl is too intimidating.
3. Lack of confidence (I'm not good enough for her).
4. Did it in the past and it did not go well. Doesn't want to through the process again.
5. Fear of being seen as a creep.
6. Fear of being attacked (pepper sprayed or something).
7. Fear of being accused of sexual assault even though he did nothing wrong.
And more, but they are not about being "Scared"

HikerDude · Answer

Deep down most guys fear that they're not what girls are looking for. They simply don't have confidence in themselves and what they have to offer girls, partly because they've heard so many girls complaining about the lame guys who thought they had a chance.

I approach a lot of girls and have lots of success, but I'm really the exception. My self-confidence is extremely high because I've worked hard to build it up since I was teen. Most guys don't have my level of confidence because they're out of shape, or not attractive, or are physically weak. That's why they act like pussies around girls. They just haven't built themselves into someone that makes them proud.

Direction · Answer

I'd say its something like fear of the unknown, or fear of rejection? Guys probably assume if they approach you they are telegraphing that they find you attractive and stuff and that just adds to the pressure to make a good first impression. Maybe they've had bad experiences in the past. Guys don't like rejection especially if you're not used to it.. so its like ooh i think this girls really cute and idolizing her or whatever, then you go say hi and act all nervous and she isn't reciprocating your enthusiasm and feelings or is hanging out with friends who sort of poke fun at you... just bruises our egos and then we're mortified to show our faces around you again or something?

TL;DR: Bad previous experiences, lack of experience and fear of rejection are the primary culprits I imagine.

NJ_Casanova · Answer

Rejection... also Nowadays guys get Sexual harassment charges, called a pervert/Creep, b ETC.

I Only date girls that are "Interested/Strong enough" that THEY ask.

It comes down to (Common sense) 9/20 attempts a guy does... women deny his advantages.

A girl that goes to a guy only 30% get turned down... IF they had flirty Eye contact. 95% of my Female friends could get LAID right NOW if they want. just by Texting Me.

It's STUPID for a guy to put himself out there knowing this...(THE ONLY Guys that DO) are only looking to hook up.

ALSO... GIRLS are MUCH!!! More Vague in their FLIRTING than a guy is. 90% of my female friends... that only see me as a friend... do the same thing (flirt) as Girls at a Bar/Club that I don't know.

How is a GUY to Know the Difference?

Passinggas · Answer

Mostly has to do with lack of interest. There are a few girls I approached while in school and dated. But it isn’t required as much now since a text can replace it. Also, most girls have become so socially toxic with all the laws that in some places a glance is sexual harassment or worse, that to approach one is equivalent to hitting yourself in the head with a bat, the latter is actually easier. When I am in the mood to pick an argument I will approach a girl, when I am looking for a date I let them pick me up and that seems to work the best. Your question has emanated from 50 years of feminism and social engineering. Those few, daring or ignorant enough to approach you that you love, numbers will diminish with a few more laws and nationalized false rape media busts to the point that it is simply not worth it anymore.

dmac111 · Answer

Why not approach first? Guys are tired of having to approach first. Especially because of the humiliation that has like a 75% of happening to us. On top of that the ones who are acting like pussies were the ones who did come up to girls first but rejection after rejection they just gave up hope.

bloodmountain1990 · Answer

I would say it depends on the girl and the situation. I've seen some girls who just give off a vibe that they're unapproachable and off putting, not all obviously. I've just had some girls give me dirty looks like i have some ulterior motive even if I'm not trying to approach them at all.

For me if I'm at a bar or somewhere out in public and a girl has an interesting shirt, tattoo, etc then that's a good conversation starter for me. I'm not afraid of rejection but I'm not gonna approach a girl if I have nothing to say. I'm not gonna have a conversation that's just all small talk.

yeeeeeeeet · Answer

I'm sorry if I'm being a "pussy" but I really don't feel like making an ass out of myself just so you can reject me and tell all your friends about it.

Barrabus_the_Free · Answer

Every woman is a potential false accuser. Especially college girls, who are bombarded with feminazi propaganda every day about how a man even looking at them is somehow rape.

Any guy that's got more than two relationshits under his belt quickly comes to realize that women just aren't worth it. If she's interested, she'll let you know. If she's not, she'll make a false accusation, humiliate you in the cruelest way she can dream up, or send a couple scumpouch white knights to come fuck you up.

There's a LOT of risk, and no reward. Women can claim men are stupid all they want, but that doesn't make it true. And we're very good at determining value and comparing risk vs. reward.

Remember, girls, YOU did this. You caused the situation that we're all living in. So stop crying for men to fix it. It's up to you.

animus1988 · Answer

1) i always talk to hot girls and flirt with them.

2) some girls are bitches and get their rocks off on belittling guys.
they get a confidence boost it (never happened to me but I've seen it first hand)

3) most guys dont want to be a white knight cuck and boost a girls ego by approaching and making her feel special unless she's super hot.

4) most girls in general just aren't hot enough for a guy to care enough to talk to them

5) we live in a liberal feminist society where some women will literally turn it around and scream rape and harassment if you say something they dont agree with or like

Anonymous · Answer

The reason why you assume it's due to them being afraid is due to your ego. Your ego does not like not being approached so to protect itself, it labels the cause as fear...

I used to approach girls everywhere, shops, at bus stops, bars, clubs, walking down the street. But after a while it gold boring and I found better things to do with my time.

Women seem to expect something when a guy looks at them. A woman I was looking at came over to me...

Sometimes a guy enjoys looking, and they move on, it doesn't have to be about fear, or wanting anything deeper...

Browneye57 · Answer

Cuz you scream rape if they so much as whistle at you. Are you not paying attention?

IHateBeingaMan · Answer

a lot of us easily run out of things to say or talk about, sure most of us can easily say Hi, Hello or how's it going, but what to talk about in the initial interaction or first conversation is hard, a big challenge for many guys, we just don't know what to talk about.

Seriously, I've always hated and resented with a huge burning, raging passion on how guys always have to approach, make the first move, be the initiator in terms of starting the relationship, I've hated it so damn much it has made me have dark thoughts at times, it can feel like such a huge injustice, it's like why can't girls come after guys for once?

anametouse · Answer

Well, as a guy who rarely approaches, allow me to explain. We are pussies because we have faced rejection or think we will face rejection. I have social anxiety when it comes to approaching girls because you girls are intimidating. You know, maybe we guys wanna be approached too, we don't bite either! Well except when we are making out with a girl but that is a different story.

Robertinho · Answer

Im not scared its just that im not going to waste my time on attitudes regardless on how pretty she may be... or not. Besides i got better things to do. And its easier said then done, since your a girl and its us guys that have to approach and do all the work. And about the understanding part exactly i can explain it as careful as i can, but you will never be able to get it... simply because its a guy thing, indeed, ciao.

PoliceLivesMatter · Answer

Several reasons
1.) They could be interested, but just wary of rejection
2.) Just wanted to catch a glimpse of you. Nothing by it.
3.) Thought you were attractive and decided to engage in eye contact. Some guys might have girlfriends, but they still flirt or look at other girls blatantly.
4.) Stroking their ego

Kauto_Star · Answer

Possible reasons:
1) Could have came from a religious background where sex is a taboo subject.
2) Socially ineptness
3) Self doubt (a belief that she'll reject him if he ask)
4) Thinks he's "out of her league"
5) Gynophobia (a fear of women)
6) Fear he'll cock up and get rejected.
7) Fear of looking stupid.
8) Fear of harsh rejections and hostility from women.
9) Fear of getting himself into trouble (be accused of sexual harassment)
10) Don't want to give off the impression he just using her for sex.
11) Gets the impression that women don't men or being approached.
12) Don't to come off as a creep.
13) With feminism vilifying male-female interactions don't want to get himself on the err side of caution.

FatherJack · Answer

They have been brainwashed to believe that even looking in the direction a woman is offensive , unwanted , predatory & invasive. Also , my understanding is , from conversations with women , is that the vast majority of women do not want to be bugged by a strange man. Some women can be quite nasty to approaching men , seen this many a time as former door staff.

duderthecomputer · Answer

College has this phenomenon of stripping away everyone's confidence and letting them work with scratch. It's not universal some people keep their outgoing demeanor, however the atmosphere isn't like highschool where everyone's a freshman/sophomore/etc. People are there one day then disappear another.

CheckPlease · Answer

Because it is like going over and asking to be emotionally slapped. You won't bite but your girl's works hurt. Most of the time we even get put down for trying to be your freind because women just think that we are giving them attention for sex. When often we want a relationship or a freindship.
Very, very rarely does a girl like a guy approaching her. She only is nice if he is her specific type. Other wise it is get out of here loser.

ATuairiscean · Answer

Yeah I suppose some may be scared for a variety of reason, some maybe just quiet, shy or whatever and some just approach girls - Its like most things in life, it may not be your cup of tea but some other girls may like the shy quiet type - You seem attracted to the more extroverted person so maybe it all works out in the long run.

Wolframium · Answer

OK. Let me tell you why.
Because you’ll ignore me. Online, I’m talking about online. How do I know? I’ve done it so many times… And no, it wasn’t creepy.
In real world? No. I just don’t do that. I’m sorry, but I prefer not be pepper sprayed, embarrassed in public, or something like that. Besides, there is no real reason for me to approach some strange woman.
Maybe, if girls would actually start responding me online… But no, that will never happened.

TheUglyMonk · Answer

Some girl asked me why I was "too scared" to approach her. My simple answer is I am not interested in you, I was just being friendly.
I don't know if this is your case but so many girls think when guys don't like them they are "too scared".

sakshamsadana · Answer

guys aren't scared... many girls are too judgmental to judge the boys as despo if they approach them... I myself have experienced it so many times... I wasn't scared of approaching girls... Neither m i now... it's just that now i intentionally don't approach girls... once girls stop judging us as despo or directly saying "I've a bf" we will start approaching them

Logorithim · Answer

They may also be afraid of other guys making fun of them if they get shot down, perhaps more than anything else.

Guys your age are going through a lot of physical and mental changes and already have a lot to do in adjusting to that, so give them a break. It takes some guys longer than others to develop self-confidence and then own identity.

Anonymous · Answer

There are articles in newspapers almost every day saying how women are constantly approached by men and how annoying women find it and some women consider it harassment. So the more considerate men think about this and don't approach because they don't want to do something which could make the woman feel harassed.

sineater8 · Answer

Because many young men are coming from an increasingly sheltered lifestyle and are afraid to move out side their comfort zone, and woman are waaaaaayyyy out side of their comfort zone.

FýrdracaDócincel · Answer

Pretty much the exact reason you said. It's rediculously easy to intimidate a good percentage of girls by just being ourselves. So a lot of us eventually figure that it isn't worth the effort to try to make cowards comfortable around us.

Fun fact, it's typically these same girls who turn around and call us guys the 'pussies.'

UnknownXYZ · Answer

Stick to approaching guys.

madhatters4 · Answer

fear of rejection fear of embarrassment shy nervous just to name a few

Maxemeister · Answer

For every girl who would have a positive reaction to that, on average there's 0.75 girls to that girl that would have a negative reaction.

tristanposey80 · Answer

It's because we are! I'd say every guy has the same fear of rejection and some, including myself let that get the better of them.

Westy616 · Answer

I know for me, it was because I was unsure if girls were already taken. There is quite the double standard though... guys are cowards if they can't approach women, but women are not if they can't approach guys. Women want to be treated equal (and they should), but only if it supports their best interests... in this case guys take the fall for being cowards.

RoBesPieRRe · Answer

Because I'm average looking, quiet, introverted and not good at talking to people, especially girls. Also some girls are rude and I was insulted by them.

Intraluminal · Answer

Lots of people don't like rejection and are hurt by it. That's why so few people do well in sales.

WiseTurtle · Answer

For some reasons some guys like this need to exist.

FunkyChunky · Answer

Being ignored or labelled. Most girls are tired of guys just approaching. It's harder and harder to pick and choose when to approach when you're tired of being burned.

Elver · Answer

Its fear of being rejected. For me, i want to have a gentlemen-lady relationship, but girls nowadays seems as if they doesn't want a gentlemen in their life and thats sad

maturedlibra · Answer

They are not scared actually, they are shy, Many girls are shy too, so its part of personality

TomBradysJersey · Answer

Because i've only been rejected and I fear that it will happen again. Help?

demonrazgriz · Answer

Self confidence. I know because I have the same situation.

ImJustAGuyM8 · Answer

I'm way too scared to approach women, I don't think I could ever do it. I'm shy, I have anxiety, and I'm ugly as hell, so a girl wouldn't want me anyway. For me to approach a girl would just be me wasting my time and being insulted again most likely.

Djan470 · Answer

Uninteresting question. I did approach girls but they haven't accepted so what? Money talks better.

Anonymous · Answer

I stopped approaching because there's simply no point. Absolutely all girls play games with me and I end up dropping them

demonics · Answer

Well I wouldn't want to rape them or anything... then I'd go to the prison place.

Anonymous · Answer

Why are you such a pussy that you can't approach a guy? It's tough for both sides stop shaming you sound like an immature college freshman. wait...

art84 · Answer

For me it's fear of rejection and I am shy so it's hard to approach a girl without feeling nervous or thinking about what your going to say to them.

Razal · Answer

The fear of rejection, abuse or insult makes them shy !!

Anonymous · Answer

Fear of rejection. You're out of their league, in their eyes. Low self-esteem.

reptocarl · Answer

Because we're just as afraid of rejection as you

YHL6965 · Answer

Because, just like an exam, we don't to mess up and fail.

Silver158 · Answer

Well... It's because... you see... it's... It's because you're all nuts...

Anonymous · Answer

It's probably the number one thing I've always hated about being born male

troychapman · Answer

dont wanna be humiliated

RachelleDraws · Answer

I assume it's rejection?

crustpunx869 · Answer

Cuz u call them pussies

dsrice · Answer

I am not sure if they are taken and scared to get rejected

Anonymous · Answer

Because they don't know how to act around women and they end up making everything awkward.

TriTree · Answer

Shy, reserved, afraid of rejection

Why are some guys so scared of approaching girls?

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